


Warring Minds and Bodies

by MarceVampQueen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort/Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Hate to Love, Insomnia, Jealous Petra Ral, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Is A Little Shit, Mild Blood, Minor Oluo Bozado/Petra Ral, Mischief Erwin, Mischief Hange, One-Sided Levi/Petra Ral, Roommates, slowbuild, slowburn, stubborn levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-07-02 13:31:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 66,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15797535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarceVampQueen/pseuds/MarceVampQueen
Summary: (Levi X OC Pairing) Opposites may attract but the like-minded last.After the fall of Wall Maria, it appeared that a simple wall could not withhold the dangers of outside life, but that wasn't going to stop Celica from trying to build them around her heart.  After a fateful face to face encounter with Humanity's Strongest, she wonders how long she can hold under her usual guise of an antisocial yet capable soldier while her chronic insomnia continues to ear away at her slowly. Levi soon finds her under his wing, with a few pushes from Erwin, and soon finds out that his curiosity of her might be the end of him yet.(Revised Edition)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This chapter has been revised as of the 5th of August, 2018. More revisions for up and coming chapters are soon to come and possibly some more continuing chapters as well, past the set 52 already in place.
> 
> Well, CIAO FOR NOW!

~Year 845~

I was just your average seventeen-year-old, helping my mother with the laundry and chores every day and preparing meals. If I was lucky, I might have been able to meet a nice guy eventually and settle down like all the other girls. However, fate, being the bitch that it always has been, decided otherwise.

First off, she decided that it would be funny to make restful sleep seem almost impossible by giving me the curse of chronic insomnia; many of my precious nights being wasted away starting up at the rafters of the roof of my bedroom. Secondly, plainly speaking, there were no boys around who I cared to give a shit about. It was just that simple, really.

Despite many attempts by my parents to 'go outside and socialize with others my age', when I did leave the house, it was only to go down the street to play chess with my elderly neighbor. If I had to vacate the house for a while, I much rather entertain a wise old man with a quick game or two than meddle with the cream of the crop of Shinganshina's finest and youngest bachelors any day of the week.

Thirdly, it was that year that the walls around my world came crumbling down into useless piles of rubble. Literally.

I had awoken from a brief nap to the sound of a massive explosion, the ground quaking violently beneath me as I jolted out from my bed. The ground stilled for a split second before a shockwave accompanied by an explicitly loud crash sent me hurdling against the wall, hitting my head and leaving me dazed and confused. Bringing myself to my feet, I rubbed gently at the sizable bump on my head and then my eyes to clear them. The wall farthest from me had splintered into a concave shape, a huge boulder of rock being visible from what used to be my window.

'What the fuck? Wait, that's the neighbor's house.' My breath stopped in my throat as I realized. 'Fuck! Mom and Dad were supposed to go over to the neighbors today!'

I bolted into a hard sprint, forgoing my shoes at the broken and splintered doorway as I rushing outside to be greeted by a chorus of screams and falling rock. The dust had just begun to settle as I looked towards the house next to mine, fear chilling the blood in my veins. That massive boulder that I saw at my window was sitting in a cradle of dirt and debris, blood slowly leaking out from underneath the edges of the wreckage.

'This has to be a nightmare. This had to be. It's not possible.' I thought, throwing myself at the piles of crushed wood and rock and pulling them aside as I dug, desperate and searching for the people buried beneath it. Townspeople were screaming and running past me but I didn't care, the panic in their voices echoing in my ears as I removed a large slab of stone. Dark brown hair stuck out from under another plank or two of wood with another auburn patch laying beside it.

'Please. Please, be okay.' I begged silently through the tears pricking at the edges of my eyes as I threw the slab aside, rushing to remove the last few planks and finally turn their faces towards me.

The tears that were pooled in my eyes streamed down my face as I saw the faces of my mother and father, crushed and broken by the heavy debris. Blood now caked my hands and feet, some of it belonging to me and some not; scrapes from handling the shattered pieces of wood seeping slowing from my fingers and palms. Shocked settled into my bones and pinned me in place, the sounds of screaming townfolks being drowned out by the heartbeat in my ears. My legs trembled beneath me, shaking harder and harder until I thought that I might collapse into the dirt. When my strength faltered and I wept openly among the dust and blood settling around me, I realized that it wasn't me that was shaking. It was the ground that quaked with a steady rhythm. Almost like... like footsteps.

A long, broad shadow cast itself over me, blotting out the sun bearing down on me that late summer day. I finally moved, turning my head to look up. A humanoid figure standing at roughly ten meters tall looked down at me, its lips dyed red with blood as a small scrap of cloth hung precariously from its mouth. I just sat there from my spot on the ground, looking back at it frozen completely in fear. This thing... this 'monster' was supposed to be a Titan, wasn't it? Its hand moved down towards me, it's mouth hanging agape with a guttural vocalization noise coming from its throat, however, my legs refused to move.

'Move, damn it! Just stand up and run already!' I screamed in my head, my body still ignoring my futile protests as I remained there, frozen and helpless. Shutting my eyes tightly, fresh tears poured down my face as I accepted my fate; a death of a fucking coward, I thought. And just as I thought its hand would secure around me, I heard the distinct sound of blade against flesh as it let out another guttural noise, this one being of pain. I peered from under my lashes to see flashes of red and green and flesh color fill my vision before I felt myself being broadsided and swept off my feet, the wind whipping around me violently as I shut my eyes again.

The flesh against me was hard and taunt but still resembled an ordinary human embrace instead of a crushing titan grip, the arm that was wrapped around my waist keeping me firmly but carefully into place. I could smell the bitter tang of blood in the air as it rushed over me, but beneath it, there was a more subtle and comforting scent in the mix. Earthy and bold, yet dulled by the reak of perspiration and fear; sandalwood maybe?

It wasn't until I left solid ground beneath my feet again did I open my eyes, planted in an area of neighborhood much closer to the inner wall than where I previously recalled.

"Hey, Miss? You gonna let go already?" A man's voice asked, turning my head to see a Garrison Soldier looking at me with a worried expression before his eyes glanced down at my hand still gripping his jacket. This guy... picked me up and saved me? Color me impressed.

Hesitantly, and with a meager amount of embarrassment, I released the thick tan material from my hand, determined not to focus on the trembles that washed through my fingers and the smeared blood across my skin. "Sorry." My voice was feeble at best and quiet despite the chaos quickly sweeping towards us.

"Are you able to walk on your own?" I gave a nod in response and followed his hand with my eyes as he pointed towards the riverside. "Get on a ferry if you can. It should take you to safety."

Without another word, he turned and sped off back in the direction I had assumed that we had just come from. At first glance, he seemed to have his head screwed on straight; well enough to save me at least, I thought before I trudged towards the riverside.

My body still felt stiff and ragged, my every movement being deliberately thought about before anything bothered to stir. The world around me had turned into a dark hue of color, dulling along with the sensations accompanying my environment. In all honesty, I didn't want to move, I wanted to collapse and mourn and grieve. I wanted to bathe in the ocean of negative emotions that clouded my mind but logic had thankfully won out. I knew that if I stayed here, I would have no chance of surviving, and I would have to do just that; survive, even if it was out of nothing but pure spite and adrenaline.

Closer to the riverbank, I discovered that the shoreline was already packed with panicking and desperate citizens. Mothers were holding up their children and infants and begging for the soldiers to take them to safety while the men fought with each other over who was going to have priority and get a spot on the limited number of ferries.

Standing there with a bruised and battered body, and ego, I can honestly say that it was a degrading and pitiful sight to see indeed. However, it was another soldier that had moved to atop a docking pillar and shouted with a sudden call of "WOMEN AND CHILDREN TO THE FRONT!" over the drone of squabbles and yelling, that helped to silence some of the fervescent turmoil that brewed in the hearts of the surrounding people. Some of the men weren't happy about that in the very least, at least the ones that were obviously unmarried and left on their own in that regard.

As reality began to sink when further into me, I found myself only being able to stand in place and watching the madness slowly encroaching further and further inland towards us. It was only due to being pushed and shoved by a few incoming civilians and soldiers did I somehow find myself seated on the ferry. The panic that surrounded and engulfed me had become muted in tone and volume as screams and shouts turned into whispers and whimpers of desperate prayer in my ears.

Even as we pushed off towards in the interior of Wall Maria, consumed by the realization that I was in fact alone in a crowded room so to speak, I felt hollow and numb. When another loud explosion overtook my senses just as we passed through the wall, I could only sit and silently watch upon seeing another large hole where the inner gate had been. Clouds of steam and smoke rose from the destruction and rolled off another large Titan as it stood up straight and looked across the land.

I should have felt overwhelming fear and trepidation upon realizing that we still were not safe, that my home was gone, and that the time of humanity had finally come to an end after a hundred years of safety and peace. I should have openly wept along with my neighbors and acquaintances but I couldn't find in it me. I just felt empty as I looked in the direction of what used to be my home, even after the wall had long faded from my view. I... We had lost everything we had ever known in life and it seemed that we were about to lose even more.

Reaching Wall Rose, we learned that the Titan hadn't yet laid siege and that for the moment we were safe. The refugees and I were scattered across the city of Trost shortly after we arrived, hunkered down in various warehouses while a few lucky souls found refuge under the roofs of some willing occupants of the city. That night, I had set myself up in the rafters of one of those warehouses, not sleeping a wink that entire night as I looked through a window back at the wall that was supposed to 'protect' us. I had thought, if the Titans attacked again, I had to be awake. I had to run at the first sign of trouble. But then again, trapped within an unfamiliar set of walls and surrounded by danger at all angles, I wondered where it was that I could really go where I could hide and possibly survive.

I thought for the first three days straight, not sleeping until the third night, my body finally giving out due to exhaustion and hunger.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into a month, then two, and then into three. By my fourth month in Wall Rose, I had grown weary and tired; sick of waking up hungry to go plow the infertile and frozen ground to hope that we might reap a few potatoes from our efforts. Sick of the daily bullying of the Military Police and their half-cocked idea of how to sustain our strained food reserves and population; sending over twenty thousand souls along with the Survey Corp in a futile attempt to reclaim our lost land. Sick of the never-ending feeling of caked dirt and blood on my hands and feet, no matter how much I scrubbed them in the river.

I was sick of being a burden. And so, I finally made a decision. If I was going to die within these entrapping walls at the hand of a Titan, why not at least try to make a little hell in the process.

~Year 848~

Dinner had just ended and yet I had barely managed a few bites of it. The gruel they fed us was better than the slop that had been served out to me on the streets but I just couldn't find my appetite. Nausea slithered through me every time I thought about eating as my nerves wracked through me, so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't even noticed anyone approach me.

"Nervous, Celica?" Blinking a couple of times, I glanced over at a girl with long black hair, her hazel eyes clouding her usual rather playful disposition with anxiety.

"Only as much as anyone else is right now. You don't exactly much better off at the moment Natasha." I commented, looking back down at my plate and pushing it gently aside.

"Can you blame us though? Tonight's the night after all. All the blood, sweat, and tears that went into the last few years, all of it has led to this moment."

"Yeah, well... What's one moment compared to a thousand others that we'll hopefully get to see before we kick the bucket?"

Natasha's face fell visibly, the small amount of pride that shown in her eyes and body language flickering away in an instance. Guilt replaced the wave of nausea that had crested in my gut and I sighed softly.

"That's... not... ugh. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. It's just..."

Another sigh escaped past my lips.

The past three years had been rough but I had imagined that it was easier than what would have happened if I had stayed on the streets like some of the other refugees. It was three years of hell, but it was three years that I had somehow survived and tonight marked an important milestone for the time to come.

Tonight was induction night and the choices we made tonight would impact the rest of our lives for sure. Despite the scattered cheers of joy and beaming pride within our small dining hall, for some like myself, we could feel the heavy weight burdened upon our shoulders along with the accompanying nervousness. It had become a fact within our graduating class that no one really wanted to join the Survey Corp but that they desperately needed the numbers after so many missions beyond the walls. While the top ten of the class were surely going to choose the Military Police as they were given that third option, the rest of us had a more difficult choice in my opinion.

Choose the Garrison or the Scouts.

I could swear that some of the other recruits were wracking their brains up until the very moment we were lined up in our formation and faced with the moment of truth.

A tall man with blonde hair and broad shoulders appeared before us, the wings of freedom crest stitched across the biceps and the back of his tan jacket; the Survey Corp Commander himself, Erwin Smith. His gaze flickered over each of us in the crowd, pausing for only a brief moment before speaking.

"To the 95th Cadet Corp Graduating Class, first off, I would like to congratulate you for having made it this far." His strong voice echoed around us as he spoke, offering up each corp choice to us while being surprisingly impartial to any certain one in particular. I had half expected him to try to make a decent case for the Survey Corp enable to recruit more members but I was decently impressed by the fact I was wrong in my assumption.

"I'm not going to sugar coat it for you Cadets. The Survey Corp is not for the faint at heart, nor is it a place for those of you who aren't wholly ready to face your worst fears and defend humanity at ANY cost. That includes your very lives." As his eyes scanned the crowd once more, eventually they landed on mine, lingering as he continued speaking. "That being said, if you believe that you have the constitution and backbone to join our ranks, we will welcome you with open arms."

When his eyes finally left mine, I breathed a soft sigh of relief, perfectly content to hide in the crowd of faces, relatively unseen. But now, for whatever reason, he had become temporarily fixated on me, even if it was only a moment. A moment, however, was all that people like him needed to judge you and he would be judge and jury for those of us in the formation. And for a select few of us, he would be our executioner as well. The metaphorical blade had raised well above our heads and descended upon us with his next few words.

"The choice is yours. Choose."

Silence fell upon us, deafening in its own right. The only sounds around us were ones of quiet and shallow breathing and the occasional swallow of fear before the first footstep was heard. It was one pair, then another, and another, until it sounded like a stampede all around you. Cadets fled one right after another, hiccups of tears and faint tears filtering through the footfalls.

My head dropped a little as I shut my eyes, hands grasped tightly at each other behind my back as I dug my heels firmer into the soil beneath me. I couldn't psych out, I wouldn't. I had to stay.

Eventually, the stampede of footsteps had finally stopped, save for one set that paced along the wooden stage.

Glancing up, I saw the Commander making his way off stage and down towards what was left of the formation.

"So..." He drawled. "Only five souls. That's quite astonishing." He paused again, letting out a soft breath as he looked us over. "For what's it worth, I would rather have five brave and confident souls in my ranks than fifty cowards anytime."

"It's still not the numbers we were hoping for regardless." Another voice sounded off to the side, where I glanced to see a shorter, dark-haired man with a severe expression on his face as he approached.

"Skill can triumph over sheer numbers any day, Levi. You of all people should know that." The Commander remarked as the shorter man stopped beside him and crossed his arms as he gazed at each of us, looking relatively unimpressed.

"Cadets," The commander spoke up again as he addressed us, snapping my full attention back to him. "Those of you standing here right now, you are all officially Scouts now, and this..." His right fist came to rest over his heart as he held the other at the small of his back. "This is a heartfelt salute. Will you give your hearts to the protection and preservation of humanity?"

With a firm 'yes' and salute in response, we each cemented our collective fates and began digging our metaphorical graves.


	2. Insomniac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celica has been in the Survey Corp for at least a year and a half by now. Until now, she hasn't really stood out, much to her personal pleasure. But sure enough, her world is about to get turned upside down again, and it's all in thanks to a certain superior in the Corp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 7th of August, 2018. Orignal was posted on FanFiction.net on 20th of August, 2017
> 
> Welcome to the Survey Corp guys, complete with shared living quarters, meager at best food, and an introduction to our favorite brash captain (plus a few other OCs).
> 
> Well, CIAO FOR NOW!

**CELICA'S POV:**

* * *

 

**~Year 850~**

Morning came just like any other morning had for the past year and a half. The first rays of light would reach my window and peer past the edges of the drawn back curtain, while I would reluctantly sit up and drag my weary self out of bed. My eyes would burn with the familiar sting of fatigue as a mild headache brewed behind the front of my skull, making my head swim after yet another night of no restful sleep. I would dress quietly in my uniform, constantly rechecking the tightness of my harness straps to ensure that they were snug enough before slipping out the door towards the mess hall before my roommate could stir from her slumber.

Like most mornings, when I reached the mess hall, I found the usual set of early birds already picking away at their food plus a few extra souls. Silently I wondered how so many people could already be up this early, especially with the sun barely having peaked over the horizon. Granted, most of them were officers and were expected to start their mornings earlier than their subordinates so they could get everything together for the day to come. Speaking of officers...

Off tucked away in a far corner in his usual spot, my eyes found a certain, very particular, captain who was slumped in his chair, legs propped up on the edge of the table, and nursing a cup of black tea. His eyes skimmed over the pages of a book clasped in his hand, every so often taking a sip of his drink in that peculiar way of his as he read. A man of solidarity seemingly in a world and class of his own, the majority of the populace had made it a point to leave him be early in the mornings when he did gift us with his presence in the mess hall; and for a very good reason nonetheless.

The captain in question was none other than Captain Levi, 'Heichou' to his closest subordinates, 'Humanities Strongest', and possibly the world's most obsessive and strict 'clean freak'. Not to mention that this intense level of notoriety and fame was directed at man barely topping out at five-foot-three, with enough sarcasm and sass to warrant even the most seasoned and brash individuals speechless in awe.

Long story short, if you could avoid the immediate vicinity of the man at any cost, it was probably in your best interest to do so.

Grabbing my food and taking my own usual spot, which just so happened to be right across the room in the adjacent corner from the notorious captain, I absentmindedly nibbled on my food while engaged in my favorite past time; people watching. It was always interesting to see how other people decided to play out their lives, occasionally catching small snippets of gossip and drama that flourished through the ranks of the corp. For a particularly antisocial person like myself, it seemed to be enough; staying to hear what I wanted, and sometimes didn't, and then scurrying off to resume my usual routine.

Leaning back in my chair to brace the back against the wall behind me, I paused before taking another bite of fruit, feeling the tale-tell burning on my skin as if I was being watched. Glancing up, my eyes met sharp and steely blue ones across the way that made my skin simultaneously want to crawl and flush and heat. Eyes that I had purposely avoided ever since the first night I saw them, gazing over the next crop of incoming corp members with reserved displeasure and mild disgust.

The owner of those eyes, Captain Levi, gave a small nod of acknowledgment, a silent greeting in its own way before they turned back down towards his book. Whether my own nod in return was noticed by him or not, I couldn't tell. Nor did I care, at least that's what I told myself as I resumed eating. However, not before leaning forward again with all four legs of the chair once again touching the ground; and not another moment too soon.

Suddenly, I felt a hard pat on my back just as I was going to take a bite of food, a cheerful voice being heard beyond my fit of coughing as I reached for my napkin. With eyes moist from choking, I looked up to see my roommate, Natasha, standing next to me with an apologetic look on her face.

"Sorry." Clearing my throat and setting the napkin aside, I glared at her weakly and lightly pushed my tray aside, what little appetite I had vanishing in an instant.

"A little warning would be preferable in advance," I told her, my throat suddenly feeling raw and sore. "Normally any attempts on my life are made after my morning coffee."

"Well, good morning to you too," Natasha muttered, taking a seat next to me. "You're up earlier than usual... and even more irritable."

"Wow, I wonder why that is. Besides, look who's talking." I stated, sarcasm heavy in my voice as I reached for my cup of so-called 'coffee'. "I hadn't been done here five minutes before you showed up."

In all actuality, the dark liquid resembled more along the lines of turpentine water. The sad fact though was that sugar and creamer had become so expensive in recent years that thinking about adding any to help mellow out the harsh disgusting brine was completely out of the question. The Survey Corp had some decent funding I'll admit, but we were lucky enough to get what we had, let alone any luxuries of that nature.

Choking down the disgusting but effective cup of caffeine, I noticed that Natasha's worried look had not yet left her face, a pout pulling at her lips as she stared me down with hard eyes.

"That's because I was already awake when you left." She stated bluntly. "You're still barely sleeping, aren't you?"

My eyes rolled immediately in response to her questioned as I set down my cup.

"By the walls, it's too early for you to start this shit yet." I groaned, leaning my head against my hand that was currently propped up on the table. "I'm fine. Stop worrying will you?"

"Celica, I've known you, what? Four years by now?" She asked in a concerned tone.

"Roughly." I droned, reluctantly reaching for another sip of my drink.

"So believe me when I say, you need to take it easy today. You look like you're about to drop any second."

I shook my head in response, partially because I thought that she was just being unnecessarily concerned about me; but also because the longer I sat there listening to her, I could feel my fatigue beginning to set in again. I had to get moving and get my blood pumping if I didn't want to crash out in the mess hall of all places.

"I'll keep that in mind but I gotta get going," I stated, forcing myself up to head out before I felt Natasha's hand tugging on my jacket.

"Okay, fine. But first..." Behind her eyes, I could see her searching for the right words to say, her teeth gently pressing into her bottom lip. "I think you need to go see Section Commander Hanji before the day is over. I think she might be able to help."

I couldn't help the scoff that flew past my lips as I looked down at her, my voice dripping with sarcasm mixed with a little exasperation."And what do you imagine they could do about it? Sing me a lullaby or something?"

"They're one of the few doctors that we have and I think you seriously need some help, Celica." Shaking my head softly, I let out a small sigh before pulling my arm out of her grasp.

Forcing my most polite tone of voice I could, I leaned down at Natasha's eye level and stated, "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'll be fine. I've always had a weird sleep schedule and considering that I'm still alive and kicking, I doubt it's bad enough to worry about it being the death of me yet."

Her face turned pensive with my words as her eyes searched mine, most likely looking for a cue or tell that I was leading her on. However, after a moment, she sighed and conceded.

"Alright, then." With that, I turned and headed for the door. "But what about the rest of your breakfast?" She called out.

"Finish it for me, will ya?" I responded just as I reached the doorway and slipped past.

Outside, the sky was beginning to fade from the bright pinks and oranges of the morning into light blue, a crisp breeze tousling the locks of hair that barely grazed past my shoulders. The natural light made my eyes hurt and sting, surely bloodshot already from the intense glare that was cast over the top of a tree. Glancing down at my watch, the mechanical face settled against the underside of my wrist, it looked that I still had almost an hour until formation.

Off in the distance, the quiet sounds of neighing horses caught my attention. Well, if I was going to kill some time, might as well be productive about it.

Proceeding to muck my personal horse's stall and discard of the waste, I grabbed a grooming brush and approached my black and white spotted mare. She was a beautiful horse, fast too, if not a little temperamental at times. As I groomed her, gently detangling her mane and tail and brushing away the fine layer of dust across her body, she responded in kind by nuzzling my arm as I stroked her neck.

Funny enough, when I first arrived at the Survey Corp, it was not I that picked her; it was the other way around. There were stories about how she had rejected all but one other rider that had ever approached her, with me as the other exception. I wondered whatever became of the rider, seeing that she currently had no other owner at the time but eventually would dismiss it as another soul lost to the seemingly endless Titan War that we faced.

Leaning my body against her's for a brief moment, I made the foolish mistake of letting my eyes slipped closed to listen to her strong and steady breathing. My eyes snapped open again at the sudden movement and neighs that brewed from her, the distinct sounds of soldiers gathering in the courtyard bringing my senses to their full height.

"Sorry, girl. I gotta go." I whispered to my horse as I quickly rinsed off my hands, patting them dry against my pants before rushing out the formation. To my fortune, I had made it just in time to settle in my usual spot next to Natasha, with my other two squadmates on the other side of her, Francis and Mikael, before the commander stepped in front of the formation.

"You're late." She stated in a hushed tone.

"Almost, but not quite." I retorted, attempting to focus all my attention towards the commander as he gave us the rundown for the day's events and procedures.

Much to my displeasure, mixing with the heavy clouds of my mind were the hushed whispers of my squadmates next to me, their inaudible words grating like nails on a chalkboard inside my skull. Irritation slithered through my veins as I attempted to block it out, my vision distorting briefly as I refocused my eyes on the commander.

Shit, maybe I _do_ need to take it easy today.

Coming back to my senses just in time to salute with the formation, we were dismissed to retrieve our maneuvering gear from the armory. Quickly finding my locker and strapping my gear on, I refitted my straps tighter against my body, choosing to focus on the sounds of stretching leather and the clinks of redone buckles instead of the voice of doubt that had begun to rear its ugly head.

'The others are just being overly cautious, mother hens. I'm fine.' I kept telling myself, fractures of dark images and blood pooling behind my eyelids as I blinked. Memories or remnants of a forgotten dream, I honestly couldn't tell. Distant voices filtered in through my haze, shattering me from daydream when I felt a strong hand grasp my shoulder along with a call of my name.

Looking up, it was Mikael who was looking down at me, eyes glossed with reserved concern as he looked at me like an awestruck deer. Blinking a couple times to reorient myself, I realized that I was sitting on a bench beside my locker, mild confusion sweeping through me. When did I sit down?

"Celica, you good?" Mikael asked, pulling his hand away.

"Yeah, I'm fine. How many times do I have to say it?" I huffed, quickly standing up and retreating back outside into the open air. The other three followed close behind as we made our way toward the aerial training circuit at the edge of the forest.

'Just stay moving, Celica. It can't be long until your second wind hits.' I told myself, just to help keep my head on straight. 'Or maybe it's the third. Or fourth. I can't remember anymore.' Everything around me seemed muted, slowed down, making the short walk feel much longer in comparison.

"What's wrong with her?" A different voice mixed in along with the others, familiar somehow in its indifferent tone but I couldn't put a name or face to it.

"Perhaps she didn't have enough coffee...?" I believe it to be Natasha talking again as I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to clear and focus them. I could only distinguish a swift moving shadow in front of me before I felt something connect with my foot, tripping me and sending me hard into the ground.

"Get the fuck up." I heard, my body feeling like it was caught in a raging river current as I struggled to find the ground and open my eyes again. Another hard force met my stomach this time, knocking the wind right out of me and sending me onto my back, disorienting me even further. "I said, get up, Soldier."

I saw in an ocean of pure blackness for a moment or two before I attempted to open my eyes again. When they did open again and slowly begin to refocus, the first thing that they landed on were locks of short raven hair, followed by a set of dark, cold, and piercing gunmetal eyes.

Fuck. Talk about a wake-up call.

"Finally awake now, are we?" He mocked as I stood back up, lightly dusting off my uniform in embarrassment.

"My apologies, sir." The captain stared me down, anxiety pooling in my stomach and mixing with the subtle pain that lingered there.

"Perhaps now, you'll be a bit more attentive then?" I nodded my head slowly, eyes downcast. The crunching of grass beneath boots resumed but it was only the captain approaching me with a tense expression cast upon his face.

"Yes? No? Fuck you?" His eyes narrowed further as he continued speaking, sarcasm dripping from every word that came out. "Anything is better than no answer, shit stain."

My eyes shot up to meet with his, anger simmering within me from the derogatory nickname. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have let a meaningless comment like his bother me, however, my fuse was unsurprisingly short this morning and already there had been attempts at lighting it already.

His brows raised by a fraction but his cold look did not falter in the least. "Got something to say? Say it."

Grinding my jaw, I took a small breath in before a single unfiltered word managed to fall past my lips. "I'm better now, Heishichou," I replied in a measured tone of voice, fists formed at my sides as I dug my nails into the palms of my hands.

Surprisingly, he was the first to break eye contact between us, proceeding to click his tongue at me before he turned towards the circuit and starting walking. "Shut the fuck up." He muttered, leaving behind Natasha, Mikael, and Francis to look at me with flabbergasted looks that bore a small amount of fear within them.

Apparently, while I was too busy debating and fighting with myself, it had been announced that today we were being graded by some of the officers to see where our greatest strengths and weakness resided so that the commander could make tweaks to his scouting formation where it was needed. And guess who was the lucky group who's grader happened to be the more notorious captain in the entire corp? Ours. Just fucking _fantastic_ right? NOT!

All in all, despite being constantly glared at the man, my second wind hit me the moment we first shot off from the starting line and luckily my skills didn't suffer during the examination. By the time we had completed our fifth run through for the course, it ended up a head to head battle between me and Francis for the fastest time, which sadly, I'll admit, I lost. However, overall, I had the most effective kills so my pride remained mostly intact for the day; save for the whole captain thing.

After jotting down a few notes and exchanging a few curt words, Captain Levi left us to return to headquarters on our own. Thank the walls, I thought, reaffirming my hypothesis about why it was a totally sane and logical decision to avoid up close and personal interactions with the man.

Retreating back for lunch, Natasha quickly dashed in front of me before I could get inside the building. Oh great, here it comes...

"Just because you seem back to normal now doesn't mean that I've forgotten about earlier." She informed me, the other two males approaching me on each side and pretty much entrapping me.

"Well, frankly, I would like to. It wasn't exactly a very pleasurable experience being forced to taste dirt by someone like him."

"Obviously," Francis stated in response to my choice of sarcasm. "I thought you were gonna clock the guy for a second there."

"I thought about it," I admitted. "But I didn't and now I just want to forget about it."

"Well, I can't because there's a bigger issue here than that at the moment." Natasha insisted.

"Celica, when was the last time you really slept?" Mikael interjected before I could respond to Natasha's nagging.

Attempting to do the math in my head, I refused to count the three hours that I dozed in and out of sleep and woke up, literally, at least two dozen times. My math was hazy and incomplete so, instead, I tried remembering the first thing we did after I last had a decent night's sleep.

"Um, how long ago was that Advanced Horseback Warfare Instruction?"

The faces surrounded me simultaneously fell all at once. "That was over five days ago," Mikael stated with a shocked tone of voice.

"And you're telling me that you haven't slept at all since then?" Francis quickly added, frustration peering through his facial features.

"I've slept."

"Bull! Every time I wake up in the middle of the night, you're still up reading, or cleaning, or... something!" Natasha snapped, her hands flailing as she spoke, exasperation heavy on her words before she sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose gently in an attempt to calm herself. "You need to go see the Section Commander."

"No, I don't." I insisted, however, apparently, Francis wasn't having it.

"Yes, you do. Especially when I can see you falling asleep standing up straight during formation and then Mikael having to catch you when you blacked out for a second getting your gear together." Wait, blacked out? On the bench... "And to top it all off, you just got your ass handed to you by the captain for the very same reason."

"Okay, even if the other things were true, I did not 'black out' in front of the captain."

"The way you were acting, zoned out like that like... like a mindless Titan..." Mikael interrupted, my eyes refocusing on him and widening at the small revelation. "Yeah, it was bad."

Despite all the new incoming information, there was only one thing that I still couldn't quite fit into place. "Besides all that, where the fuck did he come from anyway?"

Mikael and Francis both exchanged wary glances before Francis answered my question. "You walked right past him leaving the armory. He was waiting just outside the door for us."

"It's almost scary how quickly he can strap on his gear, though," Mikael muttered softly.

"I know, right?" Francis agreed.

"Guys!" Natasha admonished, effectively shutting up the two males.

Taking a deep breath, I rubbed my temples as I took what was being said to me. Fuck, when did it get this bad? Why so fast? I was fine at breakfast.

"Celica, please. Let me take you to go see Hanji." Natasha begged softly when my eyes finally met hers.

Sighing, I reluctantly agreed.

"Fine. Fine. I'll go." A small smile pulled at my squad members' lips at my answer before I took the opportunity to slip inside the building and away from the trio. "But not until after lunch."

A chorus of groans was heard behind me as I rounded the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated. (Kudos, please?)


	3. Fickle Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celica can't seem to catch a break today, with the bane of the woman's level temperament seeming to appear around every corner and continuously frustrating her further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 10th of August, 2018. 
> 
> If you've somehow read my original edition then you should know, I'm starting to slowly rework certain aspects of the plot and Levi&Celica's relationship, giving them a rougher and/or more realistic first proper introduction. I felt like Celica's general personality wasn't as properly flushed out as I had planned in the earlier version, so I hope this way, you can see a better view of her perspective and why she acts the way she does in later chapters (that will soon be explained if it already hasn't been) in a clearer and more concise manner.
> 
> Having worked on this fic for over a year's time, I hope that you guys like it. CIAO FOR NOW!

**CELICA'S POV:**

Even though I was using the idea of lunch as an excuse to separate myself from the 'intervention' by my fellow squadmates, I still had had plans to eat. That was until I actually sat down with my plate in hand and got a good look at my food. The slop that they decided to pass off as a meatless stew made my stomach turn, making me reach for my cup of tea instead and forgoing anything else. Besides, I needed the caffeine in the tea more than I needed a full stomach; the latter would just make it harder for me to resist sneaking away for a quick cat nap. Especially since apparently I was already drifting in and out of wakefulness against my will.

I secretly wondered how much worse the day could get, my eyes shifting over to the corner across the room, the seat in question left empty by its usual occupant. Bitterness settled in my stomach, causing a small wave of nausea to wash through me as I thought back through the events of the day. Perhaps it was just from the tea I was drinking, but either way, it seemed that once again, my appetite was officially and completely ruined by unwanted thoughts and people.

Dumping my tray rather unceremoniously, I didn't get much further past the door before I spotted Natasha rushing towards me.

"Finally, I found you!" She announced, bracing her hands on her knees as she struggled to reclaim her lost breath.

"I LITERALLY told you that lunch came first. You didn't have to go running around the whole freaking place looking for me." I reminded her in an impatient and strained tone.

"Yeah, but..." She panted before shoving herself upright and giving me an incredulous look. "Whatever. Just come on."

I raised an eyebrow at her choice of words and mannerisms. "The hell has gotten into  _you_? Did the lack of oxygen cause of few of your brain cells to die off prematurely?"

"Very original, Celica." She snarked, reaching out for the cusp of my sleeve and proceeding to drag me through the hallways despite my various protests. "Just come on."

"Dammit, Natasha! Slow down!" I argued, however, my pleas fell on deaf ears, her grip on me never loosening until we stopped in front of a random office door with no special markings or engravings on its surface of any kind. With minute trembles, she knocked on the wood facing, a voice beyond beckoning us to enter.

As Natasha turned the knob and thrust me stumbling through the now open doorway, the cautious anxiety that stirred in my gut turned to downright mortification the moment my eyes landed on the extra occupant in the room beside the good doctor themselves.

Surely, Section Commander Hanji didn't warrant such a response of shock. Despite the rumors that drifted through the ranks of their 'hamster like behavior and odd interests', collectively they didn't look all that out of the ordinary at first glance. No, the misfortune I was referring to was the small framed captain that was seated across from the 'specialist' with a judgemental look etched onto his face.

Oh, for the love of Sina. Why did I have to tempt the forces of fate and question my day's luck and collective misfortune? Now it was like I couldn't get rid of the guy. So much for staying under the radar on this one.

"Oh, good. You made it." Hanji spoke with unhidden enthusiasm. "Now we can get started."

Confusion and mortification morphed into irritation and frustration as I turned back to glare at Natasha. "You set this up?"

I whispered with barely restrained anger. Tentatively, she nodded her head. "If I hadn't sought out the Section Commander when I did then I know you would have found another way to avoid this."

"Damn right, I would have. I didn't agree to THIS." I hissed, seeing an uneasy expression appear on Natasha's face, traces of fear speckled in her eyes.

"Settle down, Valkihar." The captain suddenly interjected with a bored look on his face as he glanced over at us. "Cadet Reed here was given strict orders to retrieve and escort you here."

"By yours truly," Hanji added with a flourish of their arms for added effect. Was that something really to be proud of? I wondered as I turned back to face the music. "Have a seat."

They insisted, and upon standing, gestured towards the now open seat. I glanced at the empty chair, then over to the captain, and then back to Hanji, another wave of fatigue washing over me at the idea of getting comfortable again.

"With all due respect, I think I'll stand." The small smile Hanji wore faltered by the slightest fraction but vanished instantly as the captain proceeded to speak again; well, 'chastise' may have been a better word to use.

"Four Eyes told you to sit down, brat. So sit already."

"Levi!" Hanji snapped, another quick smile replacing their frown just as suddenly as it had surfaced. "You don't want to force a lady to do anything that she doesn't want to do." They stated, instantly shifting back to their previously polite, if not an eccentric tone of voice.

"She's not a 'lady'. She's a soldier, but still only a kid at best." He retorted, leaning further back into his chair and crossing an ankle over the opposite knee.

'And also standing right here.' I thought, grateful that the words didn't somehow slip out on their own.

"Actually, I'm twenty, sir," I responded defensively, lacing my fingers behind my back and gently wringing them together to force my mind elsewhere.

"Like I said, you're still a child." And then instantly regretted not saying it when I had the chance. Sometimes I really hated my ability to watch what I said in front of superiors and THIS was definitely one of those times I wish I didn't. Arrogant prick.

A child, really? This guy didn't look a day over twenty-five at the MOST. Fancy dancy title or not, where the hell did he have any room to talk? Why the fuck was he here anyway?

Almost as if sensing the animosity flowing through me, Hanji turned to me before more words could be exchanged with a disarming and gentle smile.

"Celica, sweetie. I just have a few questions, that's all. After that, you'll be free to leave."

Mulling my options over in my head for a brief moment, I surrendered to my fate. No matter how this would play out now, the damage was done and I could either leave here with what little bit of my pride remained intact or have my ass kicked nine ways to Sunday with a personal death wish from Captain Levi himself. Either way, I was fucked to some degree.

"Okay." I reluctantly agreed. "But, please, let me stand? It helps me stay awake."

With some manner of their own reluctance, Hanji agreed, choosing to fetch a notepad and writing utensil before returning to their original seat. "So, Reed has already given me a brief idea of what's going on but I still would like to hear your side of the story."

"May I speak freely?" Hanji gave a small nod of their head. "Honestly, I think this whole thing has just been blown out of proportion. I'm more than capable of handling my issues on my own and I'll be fine after a decent night's rest."

"When WAS the last time that happened by the way? Two days, three?" The way Hanji worded the question along with the certain look in their eyes, it seemed that Natasha had done more than just gave a brief rundown of the issue while I was at lunch.

"Something like that..." I stated sheepishly.

"Don't be coy, Celica." Natasha admonished. Honestly, I had gotten so worked up about being stuck in the same room as the captain again that I had almost forgotten that she was still there. Talk about a bad first impression.

"It's been roughly five days since she last sleep."

"Doesn't the brat have a mouth of her own?" Levi barked, making Natasha shrink back just a little before he sighed softly and glanced over at Hanji. They gave a small nod of their head when their eyes met his, briefly jotting done something on their paper before returning back to me.

"That's rather excessive, Celica." The scientist stated plainly, their eyes now just a little wider than before. "Any idea why you aren't able to sleep?"

Shrugging my shoulders gently, I honestly didn't have a put-together answer for that one. "I'm not sure. All I DO know is that no matter what I do or don't do, I can never say for certain when I'll finally fall asleep."

"Could it possibly be due to nightmares or... any unwanted memories?" Flashes of red and black flickered through my mind as a fresh wave of pain accompanying my growing headache washed through me as I attempted to search through the last few weeks in general. Nothing else would form so I quickly gave up.

"I've always had a weird sleep schedule, but if I do dream anymore, I can't seem to recall it. And as for unwanted memories..." My eyes flickered back in Natasha's general direction and then towards the window off the side, catching the smallest glimpse of the walls encircling our territory. "Look at the world we live in, everyone's got something that they just want to leave behind and never look back on. I'm just another dime a dozen in that case."

The air in the room turned stale, a heavy cloud lingering in the atmosphere around us as the mood suddenly shifted, reserved expressions lingering on each of our faces. It was a fact of life, things weren't easy, and would probably only get worse. However, I wouldn't be one of those other people to sugar coat the ways the world worked. Life was hard but there was always someone who had it worse than you.

"Um, Reed?" Hanji spoke up after a moment of lingering silence, their eyes darting quickly over to my roommate. "Would you mind stepping out for now? I'll send for you if you're needed again."

Wordlessly Natasha nodded, casting me an uncertain look before she turned to leave, the latch of the door clicking firmly into place before Hanji stood up again. Setting down their notepad, they crossed the room to retrieve something from their paper covered desk before moving to stand in front of me, a slightly hopeful look in their eyes.

"Care if I take a listen?" They asked, holding up the item in hand; a stethoscope? My eyes flickered over to the ever watchful captain who casually averted his eyes. Well, at least he knew what 'tact' was.

Giving my nod of approval, the top two buttons of my shirt were undone and the cold metal piece found it's home against my flesh, sending a shiver throughout my body.

"Sorry." They apologized meekly, listening intently while occasionally shifting the device.

For whatever reason, my eyes drifted back over to the captain, feeling my heart jump in response when his eyes flicked back over to mine, a soft heat rising to my cheeks. So much for my earlier statement about having tact, I thought, praying silently to whatever deity in charge that Hanji wouldn't notice. However, considering the facts, I knew better than to hope for otherwise. The tiniest of smirks could be seen gracing their lips when they pulled away and tugged my shirt closed.

"Your heart rate is quite erratic but also not as strong as I was hoping it would be. It seems that your body is under quite a bit of stress at the moment."

"No shit," I muttered under my breath, Hanji's eyes shifting up to meet mine again. "Sorry."

"It's fine." They stated, putting away the device and jotting down a few more notes. "I understand that we've put you in a rather... difficult and unexpected situation. But I do have a few more questions for you if you don't mind."

"Actually," I couldn't keep trying to ignore my own personal 'elephant in the room. Well, I could but, something about this whole thing just sat with me wrong. This whole day had me on edge and it most certainly did not help to have  _him_  mixed in with it at the slightest. "I have my own question if you don't mind."

"Shoot." Well, here goes nothing... or everything.

"Why are YOU still here again?" I questioned, turning to the man still sitting in his chair, eyes like daggers as they narrowed at me.

"I have my reasons. That's all you need to know." He stated plainly as if I had just asked him about the weather outside. Dick.

"Levi's personal account of your earlier behavior is very important data for me to consider. That and, despite appearances, he's very useful when it comes to brainstorming new ideas." Hanji explained, causing Levi to roll his eyes in contempt.

"Quit talking shit, Four Eyes." At least one of us wasn't afraid to call bullshit when we saw it, or at least had the rank to be able to say such blunt statements.

"Anyways, Celica. I was wondering if you could help me out with some more background information. The more I know, the more effective solution we can come up with, instead of just putting a bandage over the festering wound and calling it good..." Somewhere in the middle of Hanji's talking, her words began to fade in and out, blackness lining the edges of my vision again. "Celica?"

Blinking a few times to clear away the haze, I bit my nails into the palm of my hand, the dull pain helping to keep my senses as I looked back up at Hanji, wide eyes laced with a little worry and a sliver of curiosity behind their spectacles.

"Sorry, just a small headache." Hanji gave a brief nod of their head, the captain clicking his tongue in annoyance.

"Enough with the interrogation already. Haven't you heard enough for now? I know I have." He questioned, more like muttered the last of his words, as he finally stood from his seat, brushing past me and heading for the door. "I'll check with Erwin to see if we can't get at least a day or two off for the brat."

"Sounds like a plan." Hanji reaffirmed, my heart dropping to my knees in sudden despair.

'Not that, anything but that.' I pleaded internally. 'Stay under the radar, stay little and insignificant, be just good enough to get by and don't cause problems.'

"I don't believe that to be necessary, Captain." My body turned of its own volition as the words fell from my mouth, far too late to stop or take them back when I saw the pensive expression on the man's face.

After a brief moment of contemplation, when I finally saw the gears stop turning in his head, only then did he speak.

"So let me get this straight because, apparently, I must have gotten confused somewhere..."

"Levi..."

"Can it, Four Eyes." He groused, his eyes flicking over to Hanji before they focused back on me, hard and piercing as he openly glared at us. "So what you're telling me is that you're completely fine? That you aren't struggling to literally just stand there and have this conversation? That Cadet Reed bringing you here was a mistake and complete waste of our precious time?"

The way the edge in his voice sharpened with every sentence made me blatantly aware of the subtle tremors in my legs and hands, swallowing my frayed nerves before I could let him think that he had gotten to me. Thing was, he already had.

"You could say that, sir."

Between us, Hanji's eyes darted from one to the other, the tension in the air thick enough that you could cut it with a knife. An indistinguishable emotion passed through him, visible only in his eyes, the only clue to whatever was held constrained in his head as he released the breath that he had apparently been holding, his shoulder sagging slightly.

"Well, in that case, you would be a boldfaced liar Valkihar." He stated plainly before turning and walking out the door.

Hanji and I exchanged wary glances, finally able to release a small breath of air due to the captain's departure from our presence.

"Well, _that_  could have gone worse," Hanji stated, a feeble smile pulling at the corners of their mouth.

"I'm not so sure about that, actually," I muttered, a feeling of frustration and disappointment collecting in my chest, aching with the sudden overwhelming crash of the day's trials as they descended upon my shoulders.

"Sorry?" They quickly asked, their full attention suddenly switched onto me like a curious child.

"It's nothing, Section-"

"Oh, just call me Hanji." They insisted, a broad and innocent smile plastered to their face.

Yep, this one was definitely like a hamster on coffee.

"Okay, Hanji. Am I free to go now?" A pensive expression formed across their face before reluctantly answering, a slight frown pulling at the corners of their mouth as they spoke in a gentle tone.

"Sure. You can go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is VERY MUCH appreciated. (Kudos, please?)


	4. Change of Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has a brief discussion with Erwin and finds out that ditching the brat is not as easy as it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 25th of August, 2018.  
> This is Levi's first POV in the work, and honestly, I still have a hard time writing for him. I'm afraid of making him OOC (T.T) I had a hard time revising this chapter, having to rework how I wanted certain things to flow and all that fun stuff. Hopefully, it makes for a much better story this time around.  
> CIAO FOR NOW!

**LEVI'S POV:**

I took my time walking through the halls, taking the extra few moments to gather my thoughts and take a deep breath, willing some of the tension from the day to slowly slip away before meeting with Commander Eyebrows. Perhaps he would know better how to go about the current situation at hand, seeing that at least six months of promise and recommendations seemed to suddenly go spiraling down the drain in a single day. Like always, only time would tell; but just as well, time was also against us in one form or fashion.

Upon reaching Erwin's office and entering, I discovered the man still pooled over maps and schematics of all sorts, eyes flickering over the ink bled pages.

"Levi." He greeted in a monotone voice, not bothering to avert his gaze from his work.

"Erwin. Gonna call it quits any time soon?" He nodded quickly, shuffling a few of the pages around on his desk.

"I still have a lot of data to go over after this morning, but I think a small break is in order." He stated plainly before leaning back to stretch and groaning softly, his eyes finally meeting mine as he relaxed. "How did it go?"

Shrugging, I let out a small sigh as I made myself comfortable in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "It could have gone better but... that brat is something else."

"Valkihar, you mean?"

"No. I was talking about the tooth fairy actually." I retorted in my usual level of sarcasm. "Of course, I mean Valkihar.  _Stubborn, shitty brat._ "

A barely-there smile slipped upon his features, mirth entering his eyes as he laced his fingers together and set his chin on them, propping himself up on the desk surface in front of him. "Not what you first expected up close and personal?"

"Not really. Her skills in the field are a lot more polished than her people skills, that's for certain."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, for starters, I think she's still butthurt about this morning. It was pretty obvious that she didn't exactly want to be in the same room as me just now."

"You're talking about that little incident you mentioned in your report, right?" I gave a small nod of confirmation. "To be fair Levi, you aren't always the easiest person to get along with, especially at first glance. Or, in this case, 'leg sweep' was it?"

I could feel the smirk pulling at my lips in response. "Yeah, she hit the ground pretty hard too. But it couldn't be helped. She had been half asleep ever since formation."

"I didn't realize my talking could be so boring." He made a poor attempt at a half-assed joke.

"I will never confirm or deny _that_  one, however, that's not entirely the case here," I stated, the humor slipping away from Erwin's expression. "Turns out, the brat hasn't exactly had a decent night sleep in days, considering everything that just panned out in Hanji's study."

"I am aware that soldiers can experience regular bouts of insomnia. Sadly, it comes along with the line of work we do." He remarked, leaning back in his chair. "How severe are we talking about here?"

"Roughly five days straight."

Erwin's eyebrows shot up in response, stroking his chin in thought as his eyes turned down towards the paper covered surface of his desk, his gaze focused as if he could see through the material in front of him.

"That's rather excessive." He said pensively.

"Funny, that's exactly what Four Eyes said too." I slumped back into my chair, letting the back of my head hit the cushion behind me with a soft thump. "Valkihar insists that she just needs a proper nights rest and she'll be fine but, honestly, I'm not so sure."

"You have doubts?" Erwin asked, his eyes darting upwards at me.

"Of course, I do."

I pondered over the previous conversation over in my head, trying to find the proper words to express my train of thought; which in my personal opinion, took much longer than I thought acceptable. Never the less, Erwin waited.

"Even if she did get the proper rest she needed at the moment, the way she talked about it, it doesn't seem like this is a new problem for her. I can't say for certain whether the problem will resolve itself entirely on its own or not. Also, she was visibly agitated by her roommate's decision to seek us out before bringing her along, claiming that everything's just been 'blown out of proportion' and that she's 'fine'."

"So you think she's lying or just in self-denial?"

"Considering that I called her out on it, yes." I could see the disapproval pooling in Erwin's eyes, a mild form of surprise flowing through me at the sight.

"Don't you think that was a bit much though? We might have been keeping tabs on her over the past few months but if this has gone on as long as you speculate it to have without our noticing, either we're doing something wrong or it's truly not as big an issue as we're making it out to be."

"You didn't see the state she was in Erwin. If I didn't know any better, I would say she appeared as if shellshocked, but now I know differently. If something like this had happened beyond the walls, she'd be practically useless; no more fit to fight than a ball of Titan vomit."

Erwin was quiet for a few moments, the gears in his mind turning away like a grandfather clock while the rhythmic tapping of his fingers on his desk mimicked the tick of each second that past.

"So what are you planning then?" He finally asked, his eyes focusing hard on me.

"I'm not sure yet," I admitted. "She's done exceptionally well until today, but I'm still hesitant to make a decision at the moment. What do you think?"

A quiet chuckle rolled through Erwin, a curiosity forming in his eyes that I hadn't quite seen before. "I think... we need to administer one last test."

I won't lie, between the way his words came out and the current look fixated on his face, it made me feel a little uneasy. It was similar to the look he wore when he was planning something that had the potential to majorly backfire but swore that the payoff would indeed be worth it in the end.

"That being...?"

"A trial run." He stated, a smirk pulling at his features. "If you somehow deem her unfit under her new station, then so be it. But, considering her track record until now, I doubt you'll have much to complain about."

Taking a moment to weigh my options, I couldn't necessarily find a reason why I shouldn't give the brat her chance, putting aside the day's incidents for peace of mind. It might be an interesting experience regardless so, why not?

"Okay then. Consider it done. On... one condition."

"That condition being?" He questioned, a slight edge of surprise hidden in his voice.

"The brat needs at least a couple days to recuperate. Like I said earlier, she's useless to me like this, and I am in no mood to babysit her."

"Alright. Two days it is then." He affirmed, a tug of a smile pulling at his lips.

All the while, something about this whole situation didn't seem to sit right. Erwin was being too... malleable? No, easy going? No, that's not quite right either. Compliant? Possibly.

Damn it, it will come to me sooner or later. Or at least, I hoped it would.

"Why do I get the feeling that there's something you're not telling me, Old Man?"

"I'm not sure. But what possibly could I gain by keeping you in the dark about anything of that sort?" He jested, the smug look on his face was a dead give away that he was bluffing with me; but knowing him though, it could be for any number of reasons why exactly.

"Only you would know," I muttered softly before the door to the office burst open, Petra panting in the doorway as she braced against it.

"Forgive the intrusion, sirs!" She called in-between breaths, her cheeks blanched a mixture of various shades of pink as her eyes darted between Erwin and me. Did she really have to run here for whatever it was?

"Can't you see we're a little busy at the moment, Petra?" I growled, narrowing my eyes at her.

"What's going on?" Erwin questioned bluntly, our conversation suddenly put on the back burner as Petra righted herself and saluted.

"Cadet Valkihar has collapsed. Section Commander Hanji requests for Captain Levi's immediate presence."

"Shit." I hissed, burying my face into my chest and groaning softly. "I can't exactly ignore something like that now, can I?

The question was aimed at no one in particular, however, Erwin thought suit to answer it anyway.

"She's your problem now, Levi. Best get to work." He teased, the smirk on his face never fading.

"You know you could stand to look at least a little concerned right now instead of acting so smug." I retorted, glaring at him weakly as I stood up and headed for the door.

"Yeah, but where would the fun be in that?"

"This conversation isn't over, Eyebrows. I hope you know that." I stated, seeing the smug look on his face only grow before I followed Petra out of the door.

* * *

Petra took me to the other side of headquarters where the majority of the grunts' rooms resided, slipping into what seemed like another ordinary barracks room to find Hanji leaned over an unconscious soldier's bedside.

"Finally," Hanji remarked. "I'm guessing that you were still talking with Erwin just now?"

"No shit, Shit Specs." I groused, clicking my tongue at them in disdain before glancing over towards the bed. "How long has she been out?"

"About an hour now. I was actually kinda surprised when she blacked out shortly after you left, expecting her to pop right back but..." They trailed off, wringing out a damp rag from a pail of water that sat at the bedside and setting it atop Valkihar's forehead. Running their hand haphazardly through their hair, Hanji sighed heavily, a weary and concerned look on their face. "She hasn't roused since."

"We shouldn't be surprised, honestly. She looked like she was gonna drop any second anyway." If anything, my words seemed to only further deepen the crease in between their furrowed brows. The brat only fell unconscious because of exhaustion, right? What else should they be concerned over, I wondered.

Beneath the thin sheets, I could barely see the subtle rise and fall off Valkihar's chest as she breathed shallowly, quietly. Sweat beaded around the damp strip of cloth across her skin, which was surprisingly warm, almost burning hot beneath my fingertips when I stretched out my hand towards her.

"Fever?"

Hanji nodded slowly. "It can happen when the body undergoes copious amounts of stress. It weakens the immune system greatly, but I doubt she's contagious if that's what you're wondering."

I shook my head softly, sighing as I retrieved one of the two desk chairs in the room and set down next to Hanji, who looked at it warily for a moment before looking back up at me. "Best get comfy. I doubt she'll wake any time soon."

Giving a grateful nod, they fell back into the chair behind them, lacing their fingers in front of their self with another heavy sigh.

"She's been drifting in and out of intense rapid eye movement for a while now; must be one hell of a dream."

"Or a nightmare one." I could help but add, Hanji's expression suddenly turning more solemn in response. Turning back to the door, I had almost forgotten about Petra's presence since she hadn't spoken a single word since arriving. "You're free to go. Carry on as usual for the rest of the day. I'll know if you guys slack off." I warned.

"Yes, Heichou." She responded, and with a final salute, she was gone, her light footsteps fading away beyond the now closed door.

"And what exactly do you have planned for the time between now and when she wakes up?" Hanji asked curiously, glancing up at me from the corner of their eye.

"Same as you, if you insist on staying here the entire time that is," I stated plainly, choosing to lean against the far wall instead of fetching my own chair.

"I'll stay with her for the meanwhile, that way you aren't forced to stay if you prefer to oversee your squad." I shook my head softly, not that Hanji was looking back to see, their eyes still trained on Valkihar's unconscious figure.

"They're grown ass adults. They can handle themselves for one day." The conversation between Erwin and I forced itself back into the forefront of my mind. There was something about his sudden reservation sitting awkwardly strange with me, an uneasy feeling forming in my gut. "Besides, aside from giving his permission for a couple days rest as requested, he's also given me the go-ahead for one last test."

Their eyes flickered over to meet mine, a studious look settling in dark orbs as Hanji readjusted the glasses that framed them. "So it's settled then?"

"More or less." Hanji's shoulder dropped a little as a small sigh escaped their lips. "However, I still think there's something amiss here."

"What do you mean?" They asked, their voice rising in pitch due to their curious tone.

"I'm not sure," I stated, unsure how much I actually wanted to divulge to Hanji at this moment.

Sure, Erwin could be quite cautious when it came to withholding secrets. Hell, I probably knew that better than anyone, considering at one point in time I was trying to kill him, but I still wondered. I wondered what information could be so fucking important about this one little brat that he thought it safe to keep from me. What did he know that I didn't?

"Levi?" My head shot up at the sound of Hanji calling out my name, a sympathetic look cast upon their face. "If you're gonna stay here until she wakes, then you should at least get comfortable. I've got a feeling it's going to be a while yet until that happens."

Reluctantly agreeing with a small nod, I checked my watch before heading for the door. "I'm gonna grab some tea and a few other things. You gonna need anything while I'm out?"

They pondered for a brief moment, their eyes glancing at the items they had already moved into the room and then up to Valkihar before shaking their head.

"No, not at the moment. Just make sure to bring enough tea to share."

* * *

**CELICA'S POV:**

Everything felt muddled together and nothing felt quite right, as if that pestering voice in the back of your head is screaming at you but you don't know why because you can't make out what they're saying anymore. The only thing that I did know was that it was dark and humid, unbearably hot, humid, and musty.

The darkness seemed never-ending, a low guttural groan resonating around me from all angles. The thickness of the air around me felt as if it was trying to choke me from the inside out, a vile and disgusting smell perforating my nose and throat. I dropped to knees as I attempted to retch, neither grateful nor ungrateful that nothing had come up, a thick, warm liquid coming up to crest over my knees as I doubled over.

This place... was I inside of a Titan's stomach?

The surface beneath me shifted, opening up into a seemingly endless void, plunging me feet first into the liquid until it completely enveloped me. I thrashed and kicked in attempts to bring my head back up for air but an unknown weight at my feet kept me in place, my lungs burning for the need to breath proper air.

A bitter flavor coated my tongue when I couldn't withhold my gasp for breath any longer, my body soon going limp as I choked on the liquid that filled my lungs. Just as I thought everything would fade away, I felt myself being pulled up and heaved onto a sturdier ground, my coughs echoing in the air around me.

"She's fine." I heard a faint whisper as I took my first solid breath of air again. " _She's fine._ " They repeated in a more breathless tone.

Falling over onto my side, the hand that was wrapped around my wrist began to pull away before I secured it in my own.

It was warm, but not uncomfortably so. A subtle intake of breath reached my ears, and I was unsure if it had been my own or not. There was a brief moment where I could have sworn that I had caught the scent of meadow spring flowers and grass, however, it slowly morphed into a different scent; one of the spices of autumn time. It reminded me of cinnamon with a subtle mixture of pine from an evening trek into its forests; spicy and strong, but not overwhelmingly so in a negative way.

I opened my eyes again, not entirely sure when I had closed them, to find only white sheets at first. My head felt heavy like lead, my eyelids as well, forcing myself to blink them a couple of times to clear the grogginess of my vision slowly.

Out of the corner of my vision, raven black locks appeared that framed a set of familiar steel blue eyes, which were fixated somewhere amongst the sheets. My body clenched in response, my fingers twitching tighter around another set that rested within mine, warm in my grasp.

A look of curiosity flickering in those eyes briefly before glancing up, making my skin run hot again when they pinned mine.

"Finally awake now, are we?" A ghost of a smirk pulled at his lips as he spoke, mirth filling his voice. I quickly snatched my hand away from his and buried it under me as I pulled the sheets tighter around my body and rolled onto my stomach, partially burying my face in my pillow to hide any evidence of my embarrassment.

"I believe that's the second time you've asked me that today, sir." No, shit. It was word-for-word what he had spoken to me earlier. You would think a guy like him would not bother repeating himself so casually.

The smirk on his lips only grew as he withdrew a handkerchief and casually wiped off his hand before stashing the cloth away once more. Did that fucker think I was contagious or was he that much of a germaphobe?

"Can't be helped. You keep falling asleep on me." In an instant, the smirk was gone, replaced by his usually stoic and uncaring expression. Was he teasing me, I honestly couldn't tell.

Choosing to ignore that last comment out of spite, I rolled over again, setting my back to him this time.

"You're not gonna ask exactly how you found yourself back in your room, and in bed nonetheless?" He baited, the tone in his voice telling me for sure that he was, in fact, teasing me now.

I sighed gently into the sheets, putting the pieces together in my head. "I passed out, didn't I?" I asked remorsefully.

"So I've been told, but you'll have to take the details up with Hanji when they get back." I shot the pointed look that was originally intended for him down at the sheets beneath me, irritated at his comment.

'Well if you're gonna act like you don't know anything, why bother bringing it up?' I argued silently.

The chair he was seated in groaned softly as he shifted to lean back into it, or so I figured. Footsteps quickly changed my track of mind and I glanced back over my shoulder to see him pouring a cup of freshly made tea into a cup from a platter set up on my nightstand. "Sit up."

The command wasn't lacking in authority but was surprisingly gentle and I did as he requested, keeping the sheets draped across my shoulders while he handed me the cup. When the back of his hand trailed across my forehead and cheeks, the sudden unexpected movement almost made me drop my drink. However, that didn't mean that I didn't jump enough to scald the edges of my fingers when a splash of tea slipped over the brim of the cup.

I bit back a soft groan of pain from the burn, the sound coming out like a muffled whimper instead, and ignored the subtle glance he gave me in return.

"Hmm, you still have a slight fever." He stated before quickly retracting his hand and began to pour his own cup.

"Is that why you're here then? Babysitting me?" I retorted, slightly bitter at the day's events as a whole and his involvement in them.

A low chuckle slipped past his lips as he took back his original seat, and I cursed myself for the way my stomach flipped in response. In all the morning glances I've stolen at him, the idea of him bearing any relative human expression seemed as good as a snowball's chance in hell. Now, judging from what I had seen only of today, he might have a human side after all.

Yeah, right. Maybe a sadistic side since it seemed he was getting a kick out of my misery of all things.

"You could say that..." He mused, a dangerous and yet curious look forming in his eyes as he glanced at me again, throwing my words from earlier back at me.

Yep, this guy was a sadist.

As if there was no better time in the universe to arrive, Hanji popped into the doorway. By the Walls, I was glad to have someone interrupt and save me from this guy.

"Sorry, Levi. I..." Hanji paused, their eyes immediately locking onto me. "Oh my, Celica. You're up!" Their enthusiasm couldn't be any less hidden in the way their eyes shined and their voice hitched into a higher tone.

"Easy there, Four Eyes. Let the brat wake up properly before you start berating her with questions again." The captain warned, giving Hanji a half-assed glare as well.

I took another sip of my drink as my gaze flickered between the two as more words were exchanged. It was an interesting sight, to say the least. It was amazing how they interacted with one another, considering how completely opposite they could be at first glance; erratic and playful, and then stern and stoic.

"That's it. I'm out." I heard the captain proclaim, pulling my gaze back to him as he stood from his chair. My shoulders slumped at his statement with what I would have believed to be 'relief' as I watched him set his cup aside, steam still rising from the surface of the mahogany colored liquid. "Don't let Hanji drive you insane with the questioning."

He stated while I gave a small nod in response, followed by a meek, "Yes, sir."

"She knows she can say 'no', right, Celica?" Hanji added, turning to me with a certain gleam in their eye.

"Um, I'm not sure how to answer that one," I muttered into my cup, an exasperated look pulling at my features, unsure as to what the 'correct' response would be in this case.

"Hmph. You're so literal." Hanji pouted. "You might be just as bad as Levi."

"As if." I retorted, hearing another voice chime in at the same time. Across the room now, the captain was rubbing the bridge of his nose beneath furrowed brows.

In between us, Hanji let out a squeal as they cupped their cheeks in their hands. "Awww, how cute. Y'all bonded so much while I was away you're finishing each other's sentences."

I felt the color immediately drain from my face, the captain's face morphing into a foreboding glare at the scientist before trailing over to me, and then, back at them. "Tch. That hardly seems to be the case, Shit Specs."

"I second that statement," I reinforced, having finally finished my tea during their debate and now lacking in anything else to distract from my actual thoughts slipping free as I set the empty cup aside. "Minus the derogatory comment, of course."

"Oh, I don't really pay it that much mind. I'm used to Levi's pet names." Hanji informed, a grin plastered to their face.

"You say that as if it's supposed to be a term of endearment." The captain deadpanned.

"Well, for you it is, Shortstack." I choked on a chuckle that I forced myself to repress, pulling the sheets in front of my mouth to not-so-subtly hide the smile pulling at my lips in amusement.

From Hanji's playful tone alone, they could have said 'Sweetheart' instead and still get the exact same look of distaste from the captain. Or perhaps he truly was insecure about how height; I couldn't blame him if he was. With him passing barely at 5'3", I still had a good couple inches on him at least. And yet, at the same time, I've never met a more intimidating person before.

I guess it's true what they say; the shorter you are, the closer to hell you are. Because anywhere this guy went, hell seemed to follow him like a hound on a leash.

"Whatever. I'll see you two tomorrow."

Wait, did he say tomorrow?

"What for... exactly?" I blurted out, my tone turning sheepish at the end much to my own chagrin. The captain gave me one last smirk before leaving for the night.

"You'll just have to wait and seen, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I couldn't help but add that Levi's a little shit thing. He is such a complex character and I feel that, even now, he's not done justice in this chapter. But at least I think it's better than the first edition. 
> 
> P.S. Feedback is VERY MUCH appreciated! (Kudos, Please?)


	5. An Enigma Wrapped In Riddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Celica both decompress from the long day, their thoughts working full force as they contemplate where exactly all these things are heading at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! This chapter has been revised as of the 26th of August, 2018. A lot more reworking has been done and so this entire evening interaction appears to have changed from its original. I'm still keeping one crucial fact in the dark at the moment though, finding that the next chapter would add a better reaction for Celica.
> 
> (I'm a terrible person to my characters, especially my OC. *Evil Laugh*)

**LEVI'S POV:**

With the day finally over and escaping Hanji's persistent meddling and questions, I headed back to my office; deciding to unwind there instead before attempting to get some shut-eye of my own. Sina knows how great that usually turns out for me though, only getting a couple hours each night. I was used to it, however; I had trained my body many, many years ago to do so. Even though it wasn't a matter of survival anymore, the old habit still stuck like glue even on the nights I wished it wouldn't.

Inside my office, I threw the deadbolt and leaned back against the cool wood facing, letting a sigh escape from my lips. The day had been rough, leaving me feeling worn and mentally exhausted as a glimmer of frustration coursed through me, thinking back to Erwin and I's conversation before we were interrupted.

It was obvious that he was up to something involving the brat, and of course, I would find myself smack-dab in the middle of it. But whatever it was, it seemed that he wasn't ready to let me in on the information yet. Tomorrow though, I'd try again.

Until then, I decided I had thoroughly had enough for one day, traipsing over to my desk and pulling open the very bottom drawer. I pulled out a bottle of whiskey and glass that I kept stashed away for special insistences like tonight, next loosing and removing my cravat from around my neck and placing it neatly on the corner of my desk along with the new items.

My jacket was next to go, shouldering it onto the back of my chair before reaching next for a pack of cigarettes that I also had hidden away. Lighting one quickly, I cracked open one of the many windows behind my desk and propped myself up on the ledge as I polished my drinking glass, taking the occasional drag of bittersweet smoke with deep breaths.

Nobody needed to know what I did in my free time and I preferred it that way. Out of all the vices available to humans and men in general, if the occasional stiff drink and stick of tobacco were all I was guilty off, I could call myself a lucky individual. There were worse things out there besides a little nicotine and alcohol.

Somewhere in the middle of my polishing, I had stopped and began to wonder, absentmindedly flicking away the spent ashes on the end of my cigarette as I stared down at the handkerchief I was using.

My mind trailed back to Valkihar and her peculiar behavior. In her sleep, she had unknowingly grabbed my hand when her nightmare seemed to be at its peak. I could have blamed myself for getting too close and not keeping my distance but I wondered to what avail. I was just lucky she wasn't the type to strike instead, otherwise, I might have been sporting a shiner instead. That was a  _very_  big 'might' though.

Deeming my glass passable, I poured myself about half a glass of the amber colored whiskey, deciding that perhaps I shouldn't have left my tea back in the room like I had. But honestly, I had had enough for the day. There were too many things left to think on, a mild headache brewing silently in the back of my mind which a few more sips of alcohol helped to dull.

What really got my gears turning was my reaction to her, looking back. She was capable of bantering back and forth with me to some extent, which was refreshing as much as it was irritating. Maybe not in the same way that Hanji was but, it still impressed me just a little.

She at least attempted to be respectful and yet her true colors would still show through somehow, someway. On top of which, it seemed that my very presence seemed to unnerve her to some degree, which was also minutely entertaining to see. But now all that left me with was another paranoid and jumpy extra body in the mix.

Letting out another sigh, I leaned back against the window frame, taking an extra moment to appreciate a cool breeze that filtered through the open window. Perhaps, come tomorrow, she would change her tune along with a couple days of rest.

And, fuck, was she in for a surprise. I had completely forgotten to tell her in the middle of everything, which seemed rather strange to me, thinking about it. It wasn't usual for things like that to slip my mind so easily, however, I just brushed it off as a reaction to being caught off guard by her.

Setting my glass down on the sill and taking another drag off my almost burnt out cigarette, I sighed out my exhale of smoke, the faintest traces of her grip on my hand still lingering; warm and tingling as I remembered. No one had done that, like that, in years, and it felt completely foreign me to now; however not necessarily unwelcome.

Now Hanji's bear-hugs, yes, those were completely unwanted and I never would like to experience those at any time. But, for whatever reason, the simple touch was bothering me, along with many other things.

I flicked the wasted ashes off of the end of the cigarette and snuffed out the cherry before taking another sip of whiskey and depositing the butt away in the trash. Gently rolling the glass in my hand, I stared at its warm amber hue, sighing rather dissatisfied.

"The brat better be worth all this trouble," I muttered to no one in particular. "I don't wanna regret this later down the line."

Upon downing the rest of my glass, I set it aside and shut the window behind me. Quickly cleaning up behind myself, I decided to turn in for the night, gently palming at my temple where my incoming headache continued to brew, and thusly, rob me of a few extra hours rest that evening.

* * *

**CELICA:**

After the captain had departed, Hanji didn't waste much time before they started asking questions again. Granted, some of them weren't exactly what I was expecting to hear at the moment, but all of them were difficult to answer in one form or fashion.

"You looked like you were having a very vivid dream earlier. Do you remember it? What was is it about? You still look flushed. Hasn't your fever broken yet? What did you and Levi talk about? Anything interesting? Juicy? Do you feel well rested or do you wanna sleep some more?"

Question after question was asked, one after the other, while I could barely get my thoughts together to answer a single one.

"HANJI!" They stopped immediately, a more reserved and slightly embarrassed look appearing on their face.

"Sorry." They apologized meekly. "I sometimes get wrapped up in my own train of thought a bit too much."

"It's fine, just... Is there any way you'll put off any more personal questions until tomorrow? I don't think I'm quite up to answering them yet." Hanji gave a small nod in reluctance.

"Yeah, you still look pretty worn out anyway." A snap of fingers echoed in the room a moment later and the bright enthusiasm entered their eyes again as they rummaged through one of their inner jacket pockets, pulling out a small vile with tiny white pills in it. "I took the liberty to find some mild sedatives to help with your insomnia. If nothing else, they might make it a little easier for you to relax before you go to sleep."

They deposited the small bottle in the palm of my hand, the glass still warm from their body heat. "Thanks. I'll think about taking them."

The corners of Hanji's mouth turned down at my statement, a full-on pout in place with a small whimper of defeat as well. "You'll only _think_  about it? I thought you would be jumping at the chance for a decent night sleep now."

I shrugged gently, turning the bottle absentmindedly in my hand. "I've got a lot I want to think about tonight. Maybe tomorrow."

"And it's that type of thinking that got you in this situation in the first place, am I wrong?" Mulling it over, they weren't wrong, which I responded with a feeble shake of my head. "You'll have plenty of time to do that tomorrow. After all, Levi said you've been granted a couple days of rest. You should make the most of it and try to develop a normal sleep schedule while you can."

Sighing gently, defeated, I admitted. "You're right."

Shaking one of the small pills free from the container, Hanji handed me a cup of tea to help wash it down. The tea was cooler than the cup I had drunk earlier, my eyes going back over to the teapot to see a small wisp of stream still pouring from the spout.

I felt my eyes go a little wider when I realized which cup they had given me, Captain Levi's unfinished cup. The tale-tell heat of a blush formed across my cheeks, the tea sitting bitterly in my stomach now.

Hanji's brow rose in curiosity and mild confusion before glancing to the platter and then back to me, their eyes going wide as well when it hit them.

"Oops. That was... Levi's cup, wasn't it?" I nodded slowly, my eyes not moving from the cup in my hands. "Well, there's no use in wasting it. If Levi detests anything else above all, it's wasted tea."

I suppose that I could have just handed the cup back to Hanji and let them drink it, but instead, I took another small sip from the rim. Though the caffeine wouldn't help in the long run of rest and relaxation tonight, I was in no hurry to head back to dreamland at the moment. My dream was still bugging me, that along with the fact that I had woken up clutching to the captain's hand like a lifeline earlier.

And what exactly was going to happen tomorrow? What plans did they have in store for me despite it being my technical 'day off'? As if hearing my inner turmoil with their own ears, Hanji's hand found its way to my should in a gentle reassurance.

"Don't worry so much. Everything's gonna turn out fine."

"One can only hope," I muttered softly, giving the cup back to Hanji before pulling my legs up to my chest and crossing my arms over my knees. "Do you have any clue what I'm to expect now or no?"

Hanji's expression turned pensive for a moment, sighing softly and dropping their shoulders. "So then, Levi really didn't tell you?"

I shook my head in response, watching Hanji take another small breath.

"I don't think it's my place to say exactly." I let a harsh sigh and let my head bounce back against the headboard behind me. "But..."

That simple word drew my attention back to Hanji, a glimmer in their eyes as they continued speaking.

"Let's just say a little change might be good, and not just for you." Cryptic, just great.

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked with exasperation and frustration. Was it so bad to get some straight answers or solutions after a day like today?

"Just don't worry. It'll all work out in the end." Hanji insisted.

"Easier, said than done." I retorted bitterly.

"That, we can agree on." They stated, rising before patting me on the shoulder again. "Try to get some more sleep. I'll send word that Natasha can come in whenever she wishes."

Wait, so Natasha hadn't been back yet? I glanced at the window and saw that it was indeed dark out. Shit, I was out that long? Natasha's gonna have a cow.

It shouldn't have surprised me that I hadn't noticed though. Not when my attention had been directed  _elsewhere_  in the meantime. There was a lot of things I was missing now, peace of mind being one of those things now surprisingly.

Being forced into close proximity with the Corp's most notorious captain had definitely strung me out more than I had thought. And now I had to face him again tomorrow? He most definitely wasn't the easiest to interact with, just as expected, but the real deal admittedly threw me off even more.

I took a slow, deep breath, carefully exhaling it as I slumped back down into the sheets. "Just take it one day at a time, Celica. One day at a time."

I could already feel the sedatives beginning to work, my eyelids feeling heavier by the moment. Either these things were stronger than they looked or I was just that exhausted still, I thought while casually eyeing the bottle that had been set next to the platter of tea.

I wondered why no one had thought to remove it when they had left since it was obvious that one of the two of them had brought it with them earlier. My eyes trailed back to forgotten cup still perched at the edge of the nightstand, reaching over to grasp it once more, more of the warmth having slipped away from the liquid.

I took another sip, finding that despite the cooler temperature, it wasn't all that bad. The tea wasn't as bitter as it had been before, sweeter now somehow I thought, glancing back to the platter to see if there was any sugar on it only to find to find it wanting instead.

 _"_ _If Levi detests anything else above all, it's wasted tea."_  Hanji's remark passed through my mind again.

Well, if I'm gonna have to work my way onto his good side at some point, better start now, I thought; self-preservation being my primary motive for working on finishing the cup in hand. I was grateful for the emptiness of the room when I felt the tiniest of smiles pull at my lips at a childish thought.

As a kid, the other children would tease others about drinking from the same cup as another person, saying it was an indirect kiss. As the memory passed through, I would later deny to myself that I had  _not_  turned the cup a complete 180 degrees in response. However, the smile I wore immediately slipped away, finding the taste suddenly lacking for whatever reason.

Downing the rest of the cup, I set it aside and curled back into bed, internally conflicted in more than one way. But the more and more I thought, the more my thoughts trailed back to the captain, a complex puzzle despite his simple appearance; an enigma wrapped in a riddle.

Only time would tell with this one, I decided, turning over and forcing my eyes closed again. All would have been fine for the rest of the night if I had not begun to dream again, the same dream replaying as before, but this time when I heard my savior speak, I recognized his voice as the captains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated! (Kudos, comments, please?)


	6. Unexpected Introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celica wakes up the next morning and immediately finds a rather frustrating, if not confusing, situation. She should really learn how to curb her stubbornness(?).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 30th of August, 2018. 
> 
> I decided to add quite a few more details with this chapter, flushing out how Celica and Levi truly react to each other at first. I hope you guys like the improvements, if not I'm sorry. There's not much else I can do. (Besides maybe add the original back in another segment/new story or something. I don't know, we will see.)

**CELICA'S POV:**

I didn't hear when Natasha came back to the room last night, not yet noticing her presence until I heard the distinct sounds of metal buckles fitting against leather, the sound rousing me from my sleep. I groaned softly and turned my head towards the noise, seeing my roommate latch the last buckle into place before her head tilted up towards me, her expression becoming a mixture of mild surprise and caution.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." She whispered softly, treading lightly across the room towards me.

"It's fine," I stated groggily, slowly working my body into an upright position. "I'm a light sleeper, you know that."

Before I could pull the covers away to set my feet on the floor, Natasha stopped me by gently pushing me back by my shoulder with one hand while the other tugged the sheets closer to me. "You really need to get some more sleep. You still look half dead."

I huffed softly, feeling a corner of my mouth turn up in a smirk. "Fuck, tell me how you really feel now. Don't be shy."

"I mean it, Celica." She warned softly, the hand that was on my shoulder becoming slightly more persistent to force me back into the mattress. "You've got the day off so why don't you use it to rest?"

"I'm already up though," I whined, my voice thick with sleep still and vision still blurry from slumber. "Besides, I haven't had the chance to shower since yesterday. I feel disgusting."

"It can wait. It's not like you're expected to be anywhere in particular today." Reluctantly, I let her have her way; getting into an argument the first moment I wake up never leads to a decent day after all.

"Whatever," I muttered, curling back among the warm sheets and sighing gently, hoping to relax again.

I could almost feel the smile Natasha was emitting as she strolled out the door, confident that she had won. However, as soon as the door was closed, I quickly changed my mind with a hard thrust of the sheets.

The air in the room was cold, goosebumps forming on my skin as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and headed towards my wardrobe. The frigid wooden planks sent shivers up and down my spine which helped to awaken me further as I grabbed my clothes and headed for the shower.

Feeling more refreshed than I had in a good while and dressed, I slipped out the door, noting the time on a grandfather clock set against the wall in the hallway. Breakfast would soon be over and that meant it was the best time to slip in and out without being noted by my squadmates, seeing that they had formed the habit to leave for the fields about fifteen minutes before formation began.

Only a few lonely souls occupied the mess hall, save for the cooks that appeared to be cleaning up after their morning rush, which meant the main portion of the food had already been discarded or eaten.

"You're late." A voice resounded from a far corner of the mess hall. Seriously, did the guy have a homing pigeon on me or something? Turning around, sure enough, the stoic captain was leaned back in his usual chair, feet propped up on the corner of the table with a book in hand.

Slamming the book closed, he stashed it away in one of his jacket pockets as he stood before strolling up to me with a nonchalant look on his face. "Still look like shit, I see."

"So I've been told, sir." I retorted, my patience appearing unsurprisingly short since I hadn't had my morning dose of caffeine yet. "How'd you know I'd even be up yet?"

"I didn't." He stated plainly, his eyes roaming over my choice of outfit. "However, I do find it strange that you'd bother to wear your uniform on your 'day off'. You're supposed to be resting."

I shrugged, trying to ignore the pointed look he was giving me. "What can I say? I can't just waste away in my room for two days. It would be kinda counterproductive, don't you think?"

A thin eyebrow quirked up in response to my sassy response. He really should have at least let me get a cup of coffee in before he started hounding me, for both of our sakes. "Are you getting snarky with me, Valkihar?"

There was no mistaking the sudden edge in his voice and I sighed internally, choosing to save face at nothing else.

"My apologies, sir. I normally try to have at least a cup of coffee before attempting any... 'social interactions'."

"Excuses, excuses." He muttered with a pained expression. "Follow me. I'll brew you a cup of tea instead." He ordered and without another word, began strolling out of the mess hall.

I took another glance towards the kitchen before reluctantly turning to follow the captain out, grumbling softly in annoyance.  _"Like a damn cup of tea is gonna do anything for me right now."_

"What was that?" The captain questioned, casting an irritated glare back at me that proved that he had indeed heard every word uttered.

"N-Nothing, sir." I studdered, cursing myself internally as I felt my cheeks warm in response.

His eyes narrowed even further at me, turning to look ahead again with another mutter under his breath, his words indiscernible to my ears this time. Sina. And I thought I was hard to deal with first thing in the morning, this grouch was even worse than I was.

I was so busy grumbling internally to notice at first where he had led me, my eyes not registering my environment until after I had stepped across the threshold into another room. My room.

Damn it!

The door slammed shut behind me, an audible click coming from the mechanism to signal that he had just locked me back in my room. I slammed my fist against the hardwood, the blow echoing loudly in my ears.

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Pipe the fuck down already and get your ass back into bed!" The captain barked from beyond the door. "I'll do you a favor and keep this between us for now. Gods knowing what Hanji will do if they find out you're awake. I doubt you're ready for another interrogation."

I kicked the door this time, the hard surface barely budging beneath the force. "Asshole! What about my tea, or coffee, or  _whatever_?! I'm starving!"

"I'll send someone later with something for you to eat, in the meantime, get some more rest. You'll thank this 'asshole' later for it." He spat, venom laced in the insult that I had just hurled at him.

I heard his footsteps quickly fade away the further he walked down the hall, running a hand through my hair as I let out a heavy sigh. Feeling the now dry yet silky strands flowing between my fingers made me realize that I hadn't bothered to put it up yet, the longest lengths of it reaching just past my shoulders.

Well, if I was gonna be locked up all day like a criminal, I had better find something to do since sleep was officially no longer an option after already getting worked up.

Running my brush through my hair one last time for the morning, I quickly put it up into a messy bun, forgoing my usual routine for its more professional counterpart. A simple black ribbon completed the halfassed up-do, wrapped tightly around the base of the mess of hair. Another breathy sigh escaped my lips I looked in the mirror, a long forgotten memory cresting in my mind from more innocent days; back before the walls fell.

Before I could be dragged into the bittersweetness of nostalgic memories though, I shook my head and walked back to the bedroom, eyes roaming across the simple furniture. Well, perhaps the place could use a light dusting, I thought.

In a couple hours time, I had made my bed, pristine in its perfectly sharp corners and tucked sheets, remade Natasha's for a uniform appearance, dusted, aired out the room as I reorganized what few belongings I did have, completed a simple work out, showered  _again_ , redressed in my only pair of civilian clothing I had bought since joining the Corp, all before finally giving up and leaning against the sill of the open window.

It wasn't even noon and I already felt like I was going stir crazy.

From my viewpoint, I could see the various squads spread out across the small hills and trees, each going over a different element than the other. Some were horseback riding, practicing aerial dismount and recovery. Others were going back over the basics of 3D Maneuver Gear, bored faces on each of the soldiers in that certain formation. Quite a few of them were gathered at the Aerial Training Circuit, some wisps of stream crawling above the tops of the trees.

Honestly, even the basic training course seemed like fun in caparison to being stuck here like I was. Escaping out the window hadn't seriously crossed my mind, however, knowing that without my own gear I would have to fashion a rappel out of the sheets, and doubted that it could somehow go unnoticed by the dozens of soldiers outside.

A soft knock at the door pulled my attention back, the sound of the lock retreating echoing, though the door did not yet open. I waited for a moment for the person beyond the door to enter before crossing the room silently, my ears pressed against the wood to hear for any movement.

"Um, Valkihar?" A woman's voice filtered through, opting for me to open the door on my own to find a ginger-haired female with bright eyes and an even brighter smile. She stood there with a small tray in front of her and on it was a single cup of freshly steaming tea.

Well, it wasn't coffee or any real sustenance, but at least he kept his word and I wasn't entirely forgotten about.

"Levi Heichou sent me up to deliver this. I'm glad to see you're up and moving again." Even her tone of voice was bright, words sounding completely genuine to my ears as she spoke. "I'm Petra, by the way."

Petra, that name rang a bell. Was she one of his subordinates or something?

Thanking her meekly, I took the cup in hand and took a grateful sip, the rich flavor bursting to life on my tongue. I quirked an eyebrow up at the astonishing taste, eyes glancing from the cup up to see Petra's darting back to mine from elsewhere, a grin still plastered to her face.

"Um, do you... wanna come inside or something?" I questioned, curiously wondering why she hadn't disappeared yet.

"I would love to but, actually, I was wondering if you would like to join us for lunch?" She requested, a subtle hint of hesitance entering her voice.

"So I'm being released from house arrest? Finally." A questioning look passed over her feature, innocently curious in nature. "Just, uh, forget what I just said. It's been a long couple of days."

A thought suddenly dawned on me. "Wait a minute, did you just say 'us'?"

"Yes I did, actually. So, are you coming?" She asked with an extra bounce of enthusiasm, a hopeful look in her eyes.

I glanced back at the forgotten platter left on my nightside before giving her a small hesitant nod. "Yeah, just let me grab something first."

* * *

With my conscious cleared along with the leftover dishes from last night, Petra led me to gather our meals before heading over the far corner table; the same one that the confusing and conniving captain could be seen whenever he visited the mess hall. Already gathered there were three other males, their faces being ones that I had come to occasionally recognize near the front of our expedition formations.

One had a taunting face with tiny, beady eyes and had his hair shaved short on the sides and back, a crop of slightly curly hair on top. The second was relatively good looking with long blonde hair that was pulled back out of the way and a goatee in the making. He had a more pleasing face to look at in comparison while the third one was relatively plain looking with short dark hair, a casual yet oddly serious look on his face.

"Hey, guys." Petra greeted the men at the table as she took one of the two corner seats left, across the one with the beady eyes. Which meant that enable to leave that other corner seat open for its only occupant, I had to sit next to Beady Eyes and across from the blonde on the other side of the table.

On the bright side, at least I could still have my back to the wall just how I liked it; even if it meant being possibly caught between two rather undesirable men.

"Who's the scrawny brat, Petra?" I felt my lip twitch at the familiar term, the word sounding like nails on a chalkboard in comparison to the smooth yet equally irritating previous version that I had heard plenty of times in the last twenty-four hours.

Petra responded him with silence, shifting the food on her plate with her fork before glancing up at me with an expecting look.

"The 'brat's' name is Celica, for your information," I stated coldly, sending the man a glare of equal temperature. "So I would appreciate it if you would use it instead of trying to sound like someone you're not. The facade doesn't really suit you."

Laughter sounded from the dark-haired man on the other end of the table. "Damn, Auruo. She doesn't even have to know you five seconds before she figures you out."

"Shut it, Gunther. No one asked you." The one called Auruo spat back with furrowed brows., though 'Beady Eyes' would seem to be my preferred nickname for him for the near future.

The blonde across from me simply shook his head at the display, his eyes soon turning onto me, hand extended across the table. "Please forgive the other two, especially Auruo's lack of manners." He requested, giving Auruo a pointed look in the process, his look turning gentle again as I took his hand in an obligatory handshake greeting. "My name's Eld by the way. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," I stated, pulling my hand back. I didn't even get a few bites of food in before Auruo opened up his mouth again though.

"Seriously though Petra," He leaned over the table in not so hushed whispers. "What's with the newbie's attitude? Thinks she's so high and mighty all of a sudden."

Before I could open up my mouth to retaliate, Petra smacked him upside the head with a disapproving look. "If you weren't so rude then maybe she wouldn't have to diss you in front of everyone like that."

Chuckles were heard by Eld and Gunther who continuing eating their food as if nothing had happened, playfully playing the oblivious card. Auruo glared openly at the others before glancing my way.

"Got something to add, you damn brat?" He groused. I shrugged gently, swallowing my bite of food.

"Not really, but perhaps you should stop while you're ahead. I would hate to see you accidentally bite off your tongue in the middle of you constantly flapping your gums." I retorted, seeing irritation swim over his features as his cheeks flushed pink.

"Now for your information- ack!" A chomp silenced his next words, forcing my eyes over to see a thin trail of blood run down his chin followed by a muffled groan of pain.

"By the Walls, you didn't have to literally do it," I muttered sheepishly, poorly hiding my shock behind my teacup as I gingerly sipped from it.

"Don't worry about him. Surprisingly enough, it actually happens quite often." Another voice chimed in suddenly, almost making me choke on my drink.

While Auruo held up a handkerchief to his bleeding mouth, the rest of us quickly noted the captain's presence who took his seat next to me in his usual spot. Glancing over to Petra, she reflected my own uneasy look in her eyes, a silent plea of 'please be nice' echoing in her features. For which of us that plea was aimed at, however, I wasn't quite sure.

"I trust that everyone's been introduced so far." He asked plainly, promptly ignoring the hypothetical elephant in the room. Or was it just me that was wondering why exactly I ended up here in the first place.

"More or less, Heichou," Eld responded in a strangely familiar and yet respectful manner. "Just the basic introductions but so far, she seems to fit in right at home if you don't mind me saying."

The others around the table nodded in agreement along with Eld's statement, though Auruo gave more of a defeated puppy whimper instead. On my end, however, a proper state of confusion was slowly setting in.

Why should it matter how well I did or didn't get along with everyone seated at the table, I wondered; though an 'in the long run' seemed subtly implied within Eld's words. The only obvious exception to this question of mine was the captain himself of course, because, well, officers were still way above my pay grade; and thusly, I had to at least play nice in his presence.

"Then I shouldn't have to worry about any infighting then because of this transfer?"

Wait, what? TRANSFER?!

"Excuse me?"

The other four sets of eyes went big and round at my sudden outburst, the gears slowly turning in their heads as they seemed to fit two and two together. Meanwhile, the captain still held his flat expression. The only possible reaction to come from him was taking a sip of his drink that he had brought with himself to the table and nothing else.

"No, actually. You're not excused quite yet. Finish your food first at the very least." He retorted calmly, voice till level with indifference.

"Heichou," Petra muttered softly before eventually finding her voice again. "He didn't tell you, Celica?"

I scoffed, leaning forward on the table with laced hands cradling my head. "No. Not a single word." I spat lowly, words charged with malice and contempt that was aimed specifically towards the man who now appeared as the very bane of my existence.

"Congratulations, welcome to the Special Operations Squad." He stated flatly. "On behalf of Commander Eyebrows, I might add." He added with a meager flourish of his hand.

Commander Smith, he had decided on this? When? Why? And for what reason did he, the captain, and Hanji on top of it, have to keep this important tidbit of information from me? Especially considering the impact on my life and career this change would inevitably bring.

"I suppose I could have said something last night, but it slipped my mind." His eyes finally turned over to me, an unrecognizable expression briefly flickering through his mask before apologizing weakly. "My bad, Valkihar."

_'You'll just have to wait and seen, then.'_

His words played over in my head as I racked my mind around everything. Where was there another sign that I had missed? Was there really one in the first place? Or was this just a really vivid and weird, bad dream?

Either way, the feeling of pulse skyrocketing in my chest was very much real.

"So that's what you meant," I muttered softly, overwhelming contempt coursing through me despite my best attempts to keep it restrained.

If it wasn't for the fact that this man had just overturned, inverted, and otherwise completely rearranged my world in just the past twenty-four or so hour, I possibly would have been honored for the position. However, everyone could agree that Captain Levi and his squad were on a level completely of their own. I on the other hand just wanted to skirt by life without drawing too much unnecessarily attention; just eat, sleep, train, and kill Titans.

I had no real desire for promotion, for fame, glory, or really any of it. I just wanted to live more or less decently for the rest of my short days.

And here I was, being thrown the biggest bombshell on my existence since the day the walls fell and I felt my heart clench at the thought of this all being one sick practical joke.

"With all due respect,  _sir_ , you're joking, right?"

Silver-blue eyes studied me closely; as if silently wondering if I too was trying to pull the other one's chain. "No, I'm not." He stated bluntly, a more reserved expression appearing on his face.

There was a pregnant pause between those of us at our table, a heavy uneasy feeling filtering through the air. My stomach turned sour, a nauseous feeling pooling in my gut and intensifying with every second that I remained there.

"Forgive me, sir. It seems that I've lost my appetite."

I didn't waste another second to flee from the table and it's occupants, knowing that I would catch hell for it sooner or later but the frenzy of butterflies in my stomach led me to not care at that moment.

"Celica!" Petra called out, her voice fading as I moved down the hall and around the corner.

I wasn't usually one to run from my problems but I needed some fresh air and fast. My mind flew at a million miles an hour, wondering how something like this had happened so fast.

It had to be a punishment somehow, I determined. There was no other logical reason to suddenly thrust me into a new daily routine that involved being under that sadist's constant watch and order. I fucked up, I thought, but I wondered still, what terrible thing did I do to deserve this?

Bursting through the doors that led to the courtyard, the warm fresh air stung my ravaged lungs, breathing deeply to help settle my nerves before my anxiety could completely overtake me. Taking a few more breaths, I leaned against a pillar and buried my face in my hand, letting out a rather harsh exhale of breath as I sagged against the structure.

"What the fuck did I do to deserve this?" I whispered softly to no one in particular. I didn't even hear the footsteps as they approached behind me, let alone expect an answer back in response.

"It most certainly wasn't storming out of the mess hall like you just did." The captain stated with a sharp edge in his chastising tone. My eyes didn't linger on him long, averting them quickly to watch a flock of geese flying just over the tree line instead. "I should make you muck the stables for two weeks just for that."

Somehow, I managed to refrain from rolling my eyes at the statement but I already knew that I had been a glutton for punishment lately, letting my emotions fly off the handle so easily because of some possibly well-intended interference. Thing was, I didn't want their help, the 'promotion', just as much as I didn't originally want to have anything to do with the captain standing behind me.

"However, I take it that you aren't pleased with the announcement?"

_'Geez, what was your first clue?'_

"Why should I be, sir?" I asked bluntly, a flicker of angst coating my words. "I haven't done anything particularly special as of late besides hinder the mission with my personal problems. I doubt that I would be suited for such a... distinguished position."

"And you think that I'm any more pleased about it than you are?" The amount of contempt in his voice made my fingers curl into a fist on instinct, clenching tightly before I forced myself to relax them. At least that cleared up one thing, I thought, I certainly wasn't his personal favorite at the moment either.

"I wouldn't be entirely sure, honestly." I retorted, reluctantly turning to face him like any decent soldier would. "Rumors say that you hand pick your team. That you don't let anyone else call the shots, not even the Commander."

He scoffed, a reverberation of a chuckle low in his throat, the warmth fading from his voice as soon as it had appeared.

"For the most part, that's true. But Erwin insisted on this one and I promised him at the very least, a trial run. Otherwise, I doubt we would be having this conversation right now."

So then, that meant that it wasn't permanent? But for how long, I wondered?

"In the end, I will have the final say about where you will remain indefinitely. So in the meantime, I want to make something perfectly clear to you." His eyes narrowed as he spoke, the same intimidating scowl on his face that help to brand both fear and respect into the souls that lingered in the Survey Corp.

"As of this moment, you fall under my authority. My command. If I give you an order, no matter how small or menial it may seem, you follow it. I will not tolerate any blatant disrespect, towards myself or my squad. That's the quickest way you'll find yourself on my shit list." I gave a brief nod of understanding, swallowing my nerves down as I felt my palms begin to sweat in nervousness under his piercing gaze.

"If everything is in order by the time the trial run is over, then I might even give you the final decision; to stay or leave. Simple. Do we understand each other?"

I couldn't stand to hold his gaze any longer, the blood in my veins warming despite the obviously cold look he was giving me. A mild amount of relief ran through me, grateful that perhaps I wouldn't have to spend the rest of my career, and or life, stuck with him as a direct superior.

"Answer me, Valkihar." My eyes shot back up to meet his, my nervousness slowly dissolving away despite the caution that still sang in my veins.

"I understood... Heichou." The title felt weird on my lips, a more familiar term than I had ever used to address him before; one that only his own squad felt the need to use. It would take some getting used to, but then again, it seemed that I would have plenty of time to do so.

"Good, then head upstairs and start packing. You're moving into your new room tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter was added during my revising process of this fic. It helps to cover more information that would have all been in the original edition of this chapter. (Just fair warning)
> 
> Feedback is my life-source! Kudos? Comments? Subscribe? I'd love to hear what you think so far.


	7. Wager Your Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the big reveal, Celica goes back to her room to find a couple more faces than originally expected. Later on, Levi and Hanji have another discussion in private.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had been added/revised as of the 3rd of September, 2018. 
> 
> Alright guys, I've managed to get caught back up with this extra(?) chapter. Didn't want to leave you guys hanging and confused between revised and nonrevised chapters. The two chapters as individuals may seem kinda short but, like I've said beforehand, I didn't want to make a drastic change in word count between chapters yet. (IDK why; it just bothers me.)
> 
> PS: It's 6:32 am and I still haven't slept trying to get these last two chapters up typed up and ready for posting O.O'

**CELICA'S POV:**

Things as of recently seemed to only go from bad, to worse, to remedially better, to just downright hopeless as I climbed the stairs heading back to my room to pack. My legs felt like lead as I trudged up the staircase and down the hallway. Having a sudden life-changing announcement would tend to do that to you, I thought, suddenly wondering how I was going to break it to Natasha.

She was a decent girl, one that I might have considered calling a friend. However, living the life of a Survey Corp Member meant that, eventually, you would see your friends die in the line of duty. And knowing that one simple fact of life kept me from making 'friends' for years, or tacking the label on at the very least. There were only comrades and acquaintances, that way, in the end, perhaps the pain and guilt would be lessened enough to bear.

When I arrived, I found the door left completely open, a couple of voices holding a discussion inside as I entered. Hanji immediately noticed my presence and brought it to Natasha's attention, a delicate smile gracing their features.

"She lives. Though, you're still looking a little dark around the eyes. Did you not sleep well?" They asked, a knowing tone in their voice as if they had already been clued in on what had just transpired downstairs. But surely, word doesn't travel that fast, right?

"I slept," I stated, not really caring to delve into detail about what I had or had not dreamt last night. Especially considering I already had enough of that particular captain on my mind as it was. "That's all that matters right?"

Hanji gave a small nod, their smile fading by only a fraction. "It's a start, I guess."

My eyes flickered over to Natasha, who gently shook her head at me, lips curling into a polite smile. "You didn't actually go back to sleep this morning, did you?"

I shrugged my shoulders, forcing a sly grin onto my face. "Would it surprise you if I didn't?"

She huffed out a small breath, trying to hide the inevitable eye roll that was to follow. "Honestly, no." She stated with a small chuckle, her eyes turning glossy for a split second.

As she glanced over towards Hanji, I saw an emotion similar to sadness enter Natasha's eyes before she looked back at me, her smile dulling significantly. "The Section Commander was just telling me about your transfer. Seems a bit sudden, don't you think?" She questioned with a soft tremble in her voice.

I sighed a heavy breath, biting the inside of my cheek as I wondered how to explain it all to her. "Believe me, I know. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself." I admitted, not sure what I could possibly say in a situation like this.

Surprisingly, there were no tears to be shed, only another gentle smile with an insistent tone of voice. "You'll at least let me help you pack though, right?"

I gave her a small nod in response, gratefully to not have to bear witness to any tears that she would shed. In the last four years that I had known Natasha, at least she remembered one thing: I could never stand to see another person cry.

"Yeah. Actually, that would be kinda nice."

Thankfully, Hanji had stood aside and let the moment pass as a quiet observer, silently grabbing my empty bags and spreading them out for me on the bed so that we could begin to fill them with my belongings during the interaction.

"Levi said he would give us an hour to gather everything up. Best not waste much more time." They stated with a tinge of remorse in their voice.

As Natasha began to gather my things from a chest of drawers, I turned to Hanji in hushed tones, "You knew last night, didn't you?" They reluctantly nodded their head at the obvious question.

"It wasn't my place to tell you. Levi had to be the one to do it. He is your superior after all, and what better place to hear it than straight from the horse's mouth?"

Frustration coursed through me, having to remind myself to bite my tongue before I said something that I would soon regret. "I understand  _that_  much. But, when everyone else knows what's going on,  _except_  you...?"

Hanji sighed softly, their lips pinched together in a tight line across their face. "It can't be helped sometimes." The stated bluntly, though I could still see the conflict brewing in their eyes. "As a soldier, you may find yourself in situations like this in the future. You may not know what exactly is going on, but you have to trust that there's a good reason behind it. And in most cases, it's to help keep your ass safe in the long run."

Though there were more words left that I had wanted to say, it was then that Natasha came back with a few pairs of uniforms to stash away in the bags. Hanji then fled to the wardrobe in response, leaving me to ponder on their words as we packed, among other things.

Peaceful silence lingered between the three of us and I took the time to continue to gather my thoughts, not knowing when I would next get the chance. There was no doubt that I had been given a lot of food for thought as of late and I hadn't exactly stayed up long last night to mull it over either, even though a few of the pieces had already fallen in place as of earlier. Between Hanji, the Captain, the new squad, and the little tidbit about the Commander's involvement in this, there was still so much to dwell on.

"Wow, Levi was right after all." I heard Hanji mutter softly as they sorted through my menial belongs, their head turning back to glance at us with a meek look on their face. "Don't tell him I said that, by the way."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I quipped, slightly curious by their statement.

"No personal journals, no sketchbooks. No trinkets or childhood stuffed animal either, surprisingly." They noted as they pulled more things from the wardrobe to be packed away. "Even the few books that you have are all military based, guides you can find just lying around headquarters. It's almost like you don't have any personal mementos at all. Either that or you're just really good at hiding them."

I could hear the curiosity filter into their tone as they spoke, a thoughtful look appearing on their face that was intense I momentarily thought I would soon start to see smoke pouring from their ears.

Shrugging nonchalantly, I was honestly more worried about the creases in my folded pants than Hanji's sudden, and not-so inconspicuous, search for something that simply did not exist.

"Let's go with the first option on that one," I stated, earning a half-cocked look from the scientist. "There's nothing else I really needed besides a set of civilian clothing, which I'm obviously wearing. If I was meant to have anything else, it would have been issued to me just like the rest of my stuff."

"Such is the soldier's motto," Natasha said before she let out a soft chuckle, reaffirming my previous statement with her own. "It surprised me too at first but, that's just the way she is. You would think that after spending four years together that I would have found something like that if it had existed by now surely."

Her tone had turned teasingly, lighthearted in manner, making a smirk pull at the corner of my lips. "If only." I retorted in the same way, my smirk growing wider to see Hanji's curiously perplexed expression.

"Is the brat ready yet?"

And there went that slight chance of normalcy that I could have possibly salvaged from this particular moment I thought, not bothering to turn around to acknowledge the captain now standing in my doorway.

"Uh-uh, no way! There's no way that was an hour." Hanji sassed, striding up to the man before even bothering to hear him out, not that I blamed them in the very least. " Hell, it hasn't even been  _half_ an hour yet."

"And? Is she ready or not?" He questioned with a harsh snap, meeting Hanji's sass with his own, much less flamboyant, version. "I never claimed to be a patient man, Four Eyes. So don't go assuming for whatever reason that that has changed recently."

"I'm ready, Heichou," I stated profoundly before Hanji could get another word out, stashing the last piece of gear into my bag and securing it closed. Hanji's shoulders fell with a huff of defeat, choosing to give the captain a pointed look instead as a faint smirk ghosted over his lips.

"Good. Let's wrap this up then."

"Captain Levi, sir," Natasha interjected with a nervous tone and panicked eyes. "I understand that she's being transferred and all, but I don't see why Celica would need to move rooms as well."

The captain let out a soft breath as he leaned against the doorway, mild irritation slithering noticeably through his slender form.

"There's actually quite a long list of reasons why this is necessary; a few of them being 'squad cohesion' and 'potential conflict of interests and schedules'." He informed in a noticeably restrained, yet polite, tone. "It can't be helped I'm afraid. The switch is final for now."

'For now', the words dangled in front of me like bait, teasing and taunting. If I played my cards right, I would be able to return to my old squad, my old life. For that reason, and that reason alone, I would play this ridiculous game of 'perfect soldier' for him, just to get my way.

"Hurry up, Valkihar." The captain snapped, pulling me from my train of thought. "Time is precious and we've wasted enough as it is."

He turned to leave down the hallway, avoiding the Hanji's open glare and my rather displeased look as well. Lugging my backs onto my shoulders, another, heavier, weight fell on top of me as Natasha pulled me into a tight hug, almost trapping my arms at my sides in the process.

"You can find me again whenever you have the time if you want." She informed with a meek smile, my look of surprise slowly melting away. Natasha knew that I wasn't much one for physical displays of affection but I let it slide just this once as I gently patted her back in return.

"Alright. I'll try."

Down the hall, the captain's loud voice boomed. "Valkihar!" I sighed as Natasha retreated, flashing me one last smile before I trudged out the door and after the captain, Hanji following suit closely behind.

Sheathing away his sharp glare for the moment, he led us to another wing of the building, somewhere in between my previous residence and the officer's wing. Knocking briefly before opening the door, he motioned me inside.

Little to my surprise, I found Petra dressing one of the beds in a new set of sheets, a sheepish grin on her face when she looked at me.

"Surprise?" She attempted with a more or less awkward smile, most likely in attempts to lighten the heavier atmosphere that had just meandered into the room.

"Yes, completely and terribly surprised." I retorted with a slight twinge of disgust, the bitter churning in my stomach returning upon being surrounded by my 'new environment'.

As Petra's lips pinched together in a straight line, a thought passed through my mind about whether to reassure her that my level of bitterness and resentment was not directly aimed at her, but towards the man currently standing behind me instead for directly putting me in this situation in the first place. However, for while he was still present, I decided to forgo putting it out there.

"Well, I'm sure you two have plenty to talk about so, Levi," Hanji interjected, possibly unknowingly saving me from any further discomfort due to the circumstances at hand. "Can I borrow you for a moment?"

A look of annoyance washed over him at their request, reflecting deeply in his eyes.

"Tch, fine." He muttered, before addressing Petra and me one last time, his focus mainly centered on myself though. "You should already know my standards, if not, Petra can bring you up to speed. Keep the room clean and do your job properly, and we shouldn't have any issues."

"Yes, Heichou," I responded automatically, not giving myself a chance to let anything else slip by.

Giving a curt nod in response, he and Hanji left, shutting the door with a barely restrained slam.

Upon exchanging weary looks with Petra, we both let out a shallow breath of air before I let my bags roll off my shoulder and onto the floor with a loud thump.

"So much for a decent first impression." She stated with a slightly embarrassed look. "But that's what we get for assuming things, huh?"

I gave her a brief shrug in response, scooting my bags closer to my new bed with a foot before kneeling down to unpack them. "I've had worse. But I won't lie, it would've been kinda nice to be let in on that little secret before then."

"I can imagine." She replied, leaning over the bed from the other side with a gentle and genuine smile "Would you like some help unpacking at least?"

With a soft scoff of breath, I only briefly thought about her offer.

"Sure, knock yourself out."

* * *

**LEVI'S POV:**

It only took a moment to get out of earshot of their room, Hanji almost immediately turning on me in what I had guessed to be some sort of lecture or rant.

"You just couldn't wait a few more minutes to come up,  _could_  you? You know, it's sort of hard to handle my half of our wager if you keep disrupting my work." I scoffed at their absurdity and crossed my arms, a smirk pulling at my lips.

"Honestly, I don't see the problem here. We never gave each other a set amount of free time to go snooping or anything." Beneath Hanji's features, I could see a mixture of annoyance and arrogance slowly begin to simmer, a pout rising to the surface instead. "Besides, I doubt anything worth finding will surface immediately."

"But you've been proven wrong before." They quickly pointed out.

"On the  _rare_  occasion, yes. But never by the likes of you." Surprisingly, Hanji ignored my comment, lost for a moment in thought.

"Judging from everything I've seen just now, I wonder if it's all for naught." They muttered softly, their tone turning more sullen.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, curiosity pulling at me upon seeing the pensive look etched onto their face.

"It's the model soldier's living quarters basically. No personal effects of any kind; no diaries, no keepsakes, nothing. If I didn't know better, I would have thought she had just arrived from the Academy yesterday."

Another scoff left my lips with a slight shake of my head. It was funny how a similar thought had passed through my head earlier, wondering if the past six months had all just been a weird illusion and if Erwin had just handed me an 'as fresh as they come' greenhorn cadet instead of a noteworthy soldier.

Still, this fact changed very little from my standpoint; it just meant that I would have to dig a little better than Hanji.

"Already admitting defeat? In that case, I think I'll take my winnings now then." I stated, not bothering to hide the cocky tone in my voice.

"Not so fast, Shorty." They interjected. "There's still time, just like you said. And just like usual, proof of your victory must be shown before claiming the winnings."

"Tch. It's only a casual bet and yet you make it sound as if we were competing for a month's worth of extra rations."

"Nope, only a gold coin or two." They added with a flourish of sass. "There's no way either of us can get Erwin to approve any bigger of a tea ration in case  _you_  won; you've got an expensive taste."

"Only when it comes to my tea," I stated plainly; casting a glance past Hanji and towards the room when Petra and Valkihar would be bunking down.

Hanji followed my line of sight with their own, their brows furrowing together in a warning glare. "Levi, leave her be for tonight. She's supposed to be resting and not being harassed on her day off, especially when  _someone_  decided not to tell her last night when he had the chance."

"You can't blame all that harassment on me, Shit Specs. You're here as well. Not to mention her obvious reluctance to use these 'days off' to her advantage." My voice slowly trailed off into a mutter by the last statement, curiosity finding it's way into Hanji's eyes again.

"What?" I waved them off, sighing softly.

"It's nothing important." I reaffirmed. "However I have a suspicion that the up and coming weeks won't be the easiest I've had."

"Good. She'll keep you on your toes then." Hanji beamed with a sadistic grin. "Can't have you getting rusty on us yet, Old Man."

"Oi, that's Erwin's nickname; not mine." I snapped irritably with another glare, their expression remaining completely unphased by my statement.

"Whatever you say, Shortstack."

After that last comment, Hanji soon found themselves sprawled out on the floor onto their back in a fit of giggles, courtesy of a sweeping leg kick by yours truly. And they didn't bother getting up until I was a good distance down the hall from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of blood, sweat, tears, anxiety, nicotine, and TEA have gone into the making of this fic. Feedback is EXTREMELY APPRECIATED! (I need sleep, help me.)


	8. Ties of Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celica and Levi have a small bonding moment but it falls apart so after. Levi never claimed that he wasn't a harsh man but he wasn't heartless either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 5th of September, 2018. 
> 
> Hey everyone! I just got done revising this chapter and honestly, I'm surprised by all the changed that I made. I'm interested to see how this affects the future chapters that I had to have to rework.
> 
> CIAO FOR NOW!

**CELICA'S POV:**

Nighttime fell across the landscape once more, coating the earth and stone in shadow as the moon illuminated the tops of the forest trees and hills surrounding headquarters. It was a sight that I had grown accustomed to over the years, finding that my eyes adjusted quickly enough to the darkness enveloping the outside world from my window where I sat perched on the sill; although my current view had changed since the previous night. Soft breathing was heard from the other side of the room, the only noise filtering through the calm darkness beside the faintest hum and chirps of insects outside.

Petra had already decided to turn in for the evening, commenting about an early morning exercise that was planned for the following day after a row of small talk that carried us through the rest of the daylight hours and dinner with the squad. Surprisingly though, I was relieved to find that the captain didn't join us for our meal. The other's didn't pay much attention to that little fact though since almost all their attention was still concentrated on me, being the mysterious new girl and all.

Rolling the small bottle of sedatives between my fingers in thought, I debated taking another one tonight, feeling the emotional exhaustion beginning to weigh me down again although my body refused to show its own weariness. Perhaps it was because I was in a new place, I wondered, knowing full well that I never could sleep well, or at all, in new environments. Call me paranoid, but there was just something about the unknown and unfamiliar that scared me, not knowing what to expect and being unprepared for what was to come.

The thing was though, that that pretty much summed up my life at the moment; new and unfamiliar. I didn't know anything anymore, honestly.

I didn't know the captain or the squad, nor was I sure whether I wanted to get to know them closely or not. I didn't know when or if I could go back to my life with my other squad. I didn't know if I would live that long, either way, knowing that the Special Operation Squad were tasked with some of the more difficult missions during our expeditions, and thusly had a greater chance of dying in the field.

But Captain Levi is known as 'Humanity's Strongest' for a reason, right? Maybe they weren't just another suicide squad at the end of the day; but even if they were, I didn't think I would mind much. What better way to go out than in a blaze of glory, right? Especially if there wasn't anything important enough in life to make it worth living. Which for me, there wasn't.

Everything I had once held near and dear had long since become dust in the wind and or a ball of Titan vomit. There wasn't really anything left from that life, even I was a completely different person now; completely solitary in my mind and heart, and perhaps, a little bit lonely. But if it saved my soul from any more grief to carry, then so be it.

Sighing softly, I glanced over to where Petra laid asleep in bed, slipping off the sill and quietly padding over to the door to grab my shoes. It looked like a nice night outside so maybe the fresh air would help clear my head enough to sleep instead of a stupid pill.

Instead of heading towards the main entrance down below, I decided to head up, towards the roof where I had discovered a few weeks ago that it offered a pretty good hideaway spot away from prying eyes. Thanking my lucky stars that it was left unlocked, I was grateful to feel a gust of wind envelope me as I stepped out onto the stone roof, the stars silently twinkling between small clusters of clouds that floated through the sky. I took a seat on the edge, on top of one of the stone blocks that created a border, another gust of wind blowing around me and filling my lungs with the scent of grass and foliage.

Under normal circumstances, I doubt that I would have found how peaceful this place could be if not for that day that a particular captain went around ripping into one squad after another for their mediocre cleaning skills. The rest of my squad and I deemed it to be 'every man for himself' and we scattered to the wind in search of a hiding spot.

It was the first time that I had had any semblance of privacy and peace in what had felt like years and I didn't bother to reemerge to the masses until almost the end of dinner. Interestingly enough, the others informed me that the captain had found everyone but me that day. I scoffed at the idea now, surmising that he most likely  _did_  know where I was but just didn't seek me out for whatever reason.

I took down my hair for the day, enjoying how the breeze helped to gently untangle it from its confines with each rustle. Twirling the simple black ribbon between my fingers, it still felt smooth and soft against the pads of skin, silky despite years of obvious use and wear and tear. Though the color was not what it used to be, the lustrous and bright blue long since being stained over with blood and then dyed to hide the carnage, the ribbon still held great significance to me.

My last reminder of home, of my family, and the love that we had for each other. A testament to how my memories and past had become tainted over the years, faded and buried in a heart that I was determined to somehow keep whole despite the cracks in it which were throbbing painfully as of late.

A soft creaking of hinges made me glance back, spotting the captain traipsing through the doorway, his brows arching upwards when his eyes landed on mine.

"What are you doing up here?" He asked in a low voice, sounding almost hesitant in his tone, careful to not further disturb the peacefulness of the moment. However, my peace was gone the moment I heard the door open and shattered completely when it I saw him appear through the doorway.

"It seemed like a nice night," I state plainly, turning my head back to view the terrain and the vast sky above. "Thought I would try to take in as much I could before the seasons shifted again."

The cool chill in the air reminded me of autumn's impending arrival, knowing that soon the trees would soon change color and then winter would then follow suit before too long. The year was half over and as usual, I had nothing to show for its passage of time; nothing besides another day to wake up wondering if it would be my last.

"Is that why you're here, s- Heichou?" I corrected, forcing myself to attempt to get myself into the habit of addressing him as such. Still, the title felt weird against my lips and sat bitterly in my stomach; it had only been a day so I wasn't surprised in the least by the feeling.

"Not really, no." He stated, taking up residence on a stone block beside me, an arm securing around one knee that was tucked close to his chest as the other dangled in front of him. "But I might as well take a moment to enjoy it now that you've said something."

I fiddled with the ribbon between my fingers, gently worrying my bottom lip between my teeth as I resigned myself to the idea that he wasn't just about to turn around and leave like I had hoped.

"Then... why are you?" I asked curiously in a soft voice, wondering afterward if I should have kept my mouth shut since I was met with only silence by the man sitting beside me.

He eventually let out a heavy sigh, his tone turning coy as he spoke, though the emotion didn't quite reach his eyes. "Hanji's been up my ass ever since lunch so I ditched them. You aren't the only one who comes up here to escape sometimes."

I felt the air hitch in my throat, swallowing to hopefully clear it before attempting to speak again. "So, you remember that day?"

"Of course." He stated matter-of-factly.

I felt the skin of my face and neck flush, my hypothesis being proven correct after all. "If you knew back then, why spare me?"

A softer breath left his lips this time, the faintest trace of a smirk pulling at his lips. "It wasn't until after that I had realized where you were and by then, I didn't care anymore to bother with it."

I arched a brow up at him, wondering what he meant by that. He lifted his hand to loosely twirl a stray lock of my hair in between his fingers.

"Your hair was windblown and your skin was flushed, heated. I specifically remember it being rather hot out that day, so I thought that either you had just wrapped up a 'quicky' out in the forests or you were hiding out on the roof." My blush intensified from his comment as he let go of the lock of hair, his smirk becoming fully visible, unabashed. "And from what I know about you, you don't seem like the type for a sudden, passionate rendezvous out in public where others might spot you."

Considering my experience, or rather, lack thereof, I was only minutely grateful that he didn't think of me to be capable of such an act, silently wondering why that thought would even cross his mind in the first place.

"With all due respect, sir, I doubt you know me as well as you think." I retorted, refusing to let him think that he had me figured out to a 'T' already. He scoffed at me in turn, a quiet chuckle rumbling deep in his chest.

"I think I already know you better than you give me credit for." He stated, obviously ignoring the pointed look I gave him in return.

I had honestly expected him to chastise me considering that any sentence that began with the words 'with all due respect' ended up sounding disrespectful in my opinion. However, he let it slide; for what reason, I wasn't so sure. But then, maybe it was just me feeling awkward and aiming to pick a fight with him.

His relaxed body language gave me no reason to think that he was in any way uncomfortable at the moment. We were having an ordinary discuss for the most part, but then why did it feel like my stomach was twisting into knots whenever he was around?

"Why be so sure that I was here instead? Why specifically the roof?" His smirk faltered slightly, steely eyes focusing then on mine.

"The dust on your boots." He stated lowly before turning his eyes back to the sky above, his brows slowly relaxing as he leaned back onto the palms of his hands. His head dropped with a light sigh, the usual stoic indifference in his eyes melting away to reveal another emotion swimming in them. Nostalgia and sadness? "Happens every time you come up here. Tch, even back then."

He muttered softly, a thoughtful expression appearing on his face, my heart stuttering in my chest. Vulnerable, I thought. That was what I felt when I saw that particular look in his eyes, a look I knew myself to wear whenever my thoughts had trailed back to the days I missed most.

Winters curled up by the fire with my parents, playing chess with the old man down the way, escaping out to the fields of wildflowers just to peacefully read a new book I had found. Reminiscing, I wondered what it was that the captain was remembering then. What had happened to his family? His friends? What kind of life did he live before the Corp and what was it that led him here?

I thumbed at the ribbon still in my hand, the ends of it beginning to light fray and unravel, reminding me to find a way to stitch it up at a later time. Not too far off in the distance, a wall of clouds appeared over the top of the trees, faint sparks of lightning illuminating them for view followed by a low rumble of thunder.

"A storm's rolling in, and fast. Better get back inside soon." He remarked, jumping off his stone to head back inside.

I didn't bother moving from my spot but my eyes did follow him as he walked, always so confident and proud despite the glimpse of emotion that he had just given me; the very opposite of what I was.

"Are you coming?" He asked, pulling me back from my train of thought, realizing that my eyes had locked with his once more. Turning away, I sighed softly, shaking my head.

"If you don't mind, Heichou, I think I'll stay out here for a little while longer." The chill in the air became more profound as another stronger gust of wind blew around me, making me sway with its power. Looking up, the clouds had moved much closer, faster than I anticipated as they threatened to overtake the moon.

"Don't be stupid. Give it five minutes and it's gonna start pouring rain, come on." He snapped as he stood by the open door of the roof.

Reluctantly, I shimmied away from the edge and onto my own two feet, the wind beginning to pick up again as if to emphasize his point. Thunder rumbled behind me as I walked towards the door, a particularly harsh burst of wind causing me to stumble which pulled my ribbon from in between my fingers.

My eyes went wide as I reached for it and missed, tracking the floating strip of material as the wind whipped it across the stone roof and ever closer to the night's abyss. "No, no, no..." I muttered with concealed panic coating the tone of my voice. My legs moved on their own accord but a strong grip on my arm pulled me back, making me stumble back as I watched the ribbon fly off over the edge.

"I have to go find it."

"Forget it. I'm sure you can find another one later to replace it." The captain surmised with a level tone, tugging me closer towards the door away from the edge of the roof. I made a break for the stairs but the grip on my arm only tightened in response. "Oi, are your ears fucking painted on? You'll find another one later."

He hissed, a confused look set beneath the glare he attempted to give me. "No, I can't." I seethed, ripping my arm from his grip and bolting down the stairs.

"Oi, Valkihar!" His voice boomed behind me as my legs carried me through headquarters. The thunder came louder through the stone walls, echoing in the hallways along with my footfalls, rhythmic like the hammering of my heart in my chest.

Reaching the main hall that led to the courtyard outside, I sped out the doors, quickly turning in the direction that I had last seen the wind make off with my keepsake. The first sprinkles of rain began falling from the sky, the lightning and thunder following closely behind. I skirted the edge of the building, keeping my eyes sharp as I looked across the landscape before another body slammed against me, sending me hard against the wall with a resounding thud.

Arms caged me in place against the mossy stone, a barely restrained murderous look pooling through gunmetal irises as they stared me down.

"What the  _fuck_  was  _that_?" He spat, his fists clenching tighter together against the wall on either side of my head. "First you wanna almost throw yourself off a roof for a damn scrap of cloth and  _then_ you bolt on me? Have you lost your mind?!"

"It's  _not_  just a damn scrap of cloth; not that you would actually care anyway!" An indistinguishable emotion filtered into his expression, his furrowed brows relaxing by just a fraction as his lips pinched together in a straight line.

"So then, tell me, why is it so important to you." His voice had more of a measured tone in it, not quite ordering in its lack of bite and yet it didn't hold the same gentleness of a request either.

Shaking my head slowly, my eyes dropped to the ground, unable to hold his gaze any longer. He reached to tilt my chin up to make me look at him again, the edge in his voice now matching perfectly with the harshness of his eyes. "Look at me when I'm talking to you, Valkihar. And if it wasn't obvious before, that was an order."

My limbs trembled gently with anger and contempt, a frustrated whimper slipping out despite my protests. I couldn't break free of his grip even if I wanted to, which I most desperately did at this moment, his eyes pinning me in place even if he had not laid a hand on me.

"It was a gift," I stated softly after a brief moment of deliberation and fear, the rain beginning to fall steadily now and slowly seeping into our clothes. "The only thing I brought from home and the only thing I have _left_  from it." Moisture clouded my vision and I silently sent up a prayer to whatever deity there was out there that the rain masked the tears collecting in my eyes. "Happy now?" I choked out in a quiet voice.

No one else knew the importance of that one simple item to me, not even Natasha, and anger burned within me that it was  _him_  that had literally forced out that little tidbit of information. That was as privileged as information could get from me and I hated myself for answering him, hated  _him_  for making me say it.

_'Weak, just like a child. Crying over something like this; pathetic.'_ A voice in my head whispered tauntingly, exacerbating the feelings of embarrassment and resent that washed through me.  _'You won't last.'_

I didn't initially notice when the captain let me go and backed away, running a hand through his damp hair as he let out a weary sigh.

"Get your ass back inside, now." He huffed. "I'll deal with you later."

Giving a subtle and silent nod, I turned my back on him to head indoors, quickly wiping my face from the moisture that had collected on it. Trudging back inside, a thought came to mind which made me stop and look back; why didn't he follow me?

* * *

**LEVI'S POV:**

A mixture of emotions coursed through me as I watched Valkihar walk off with a defeated look, her shoulders slumped as she wiped her face off with a clenched fist before fading from sight. The rain was going to start pouring blankets before long but I couldn't head inside quite yet, not when I had just made a girl cry.

'Classy, Levi. Just fucking perfect.' I chastised myself, groaning and kicking at the ground in frustration and ripping a few wet blades free from the earth.

Day one with the new brat and I had already made her cry, so much for having a half-ass decent start. I was a harsh guy at times, I knew that much, but how was I supposed to know that a damn strip of cloth could hold the same amount of importance to her as a coat of arms for a grieving family of a fallen soldier? I couldn't, but that didn't change the fact that suddenly I was seen as the bad guy in her eyes.

Normally, I wouldn't care what she thought of me or how she saw me, but like everyone else, I knew what loss had felt like. I knew that when people experienced great change, they would helplessly cling to what was familiar in an attempt to comfort themselves.

For her, the hypothetical rug had just been yanked out from under her feet and the last reminder of her home had just blown off in the wind. I could be pissed all I wanted, but it didn't mean that I didn't understand why she was upset. And it was because of that, that I knew that my conscience wouldn't let me sleep tonight unless I did something to help rectify the situation; which meant staying out in the rain just a little longer than I had wanted to.

I turned towards the direction that I had seen Valkihar begin wandering in, glancing upward to watch the direction that the leaves above were being scattered towards and followed them instead. Thunder rumbled above me as the first streaks of lightning crossed the sky, the rain turning into a sudden downpour just as I expected. Shielding my eyes from the onslaught of wind and rain, I wandered towards a small gathering of trees where I had thought I had seen something flopping in the wind. Sadly, it wasn't there.

The rain was freezing cold against my body, soaking me down to the bone in no time at all. I thought myself an idiot for continuing to look in amidst the downpour but cursed myself instead, for being a decent-natured person at heart.

Searching for a good ten minutes, I decided that the cloth was forever lost to the wilderness, tossed about and carried far by the swirling winds. That was until a heard a sharp flap of cloth from one of the nearby trees. Sure enough, there it was, the strip of black ribbon that had flown from her hand wrapped around a tree branch; well, more like impaled, in all honesty. A thin branch had pierced it right through the center, trapping it on the limb.

"Well, that's just great. It's ruined."

Begrudgingly, I slipped the cloth off and quickly pocketed it before retreating back towards headquarters, only slightly less pissed because now I was absolutely drenched from head to toe.

Muttering a long string of curse words, I entered and I toed off my boots, reluctantly carrying them along the way towards my room all the while dripping water with each step. A mop of long, messy brown hair wandered into my field of vision from another hallway intersecting the one I was in, Hanji almost immediately backing up in a double take.

"Levi, what in the walls happened? You're soaked." They questioned, eyes going wide as they approached with a look of disbelief on their face.

"Very astute observation, Four Eyes." I mocked, shivering gently from the dampness of my clothes. "One word: Valkihar."

"Celica?" Hanji's eyebrows raised dramatically, their mouth dropping open to say something at first but they quickly shut it in order to try again. "How did-? Why?"

I dug into my pocket and retrieved the tattered piece of ribbon, depositing it into Hanji's open palm, their eyes staring at the strip for a moment as they examined it. Strangely, they were rendered silent as they flipped the cloth in between their fingers, running along frayed edges and then around the hole that the tree branch made in the center.

"It's her's," I stated flatly, their eyes darting up to meet mine with a thoughtful expression etched into their features, curiosity soon giving way to empathy and understanding. "Is there a way you can fix it up and give it back to her?"

Hanji choked on their own words at first as they attempted to find the right words to say, their tone suddenly soft as they spoke. "E-Even if I could find a way to repair it, why can't you give it back to her?"

I shook my head gently, suddenly highly aware of the drops of water falling from the ends of my hair and onto the floor beneath me. "I don't think she'd want it from me."

"Why not?" They questioned insistently yet gently.

I bit the inside of my cheek gently, let out a soft breath trying to ignore the heavy feeling that had settled within.

"Just a gut feeling," I said, brushing past Hanji on my way to my room.

"Levi!" They called out, making me turn back just in time to catch a tiny satchel of coins. "You won, as usual."

I shook my head again and upon tossing the bag back to them, Hanji then flashed me a confused look as they caught it. "Use that to fix it, and don't half-ass it either."

Hanji let out a bittersweet chuckle, the sadness reaching their eyes although the corner of their mouth tipped up into a grin. "You know, you're abnormally honest and nice for an ex-thug."

"Don't remind me." I groused before abandoning them with their new project and heading for a warm bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you have seen the "No Regrets" OVA, maybe you would be able to figure out the small details I left in this chapter that runs parallel with Levi's backstory? I hope so, if not, eventually, it will be sorted out. I hope. *evil laugh*
> 
> Thanks for finishing another chapter! Let me know what you guys think, please?


	9. Don't Run, Fight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the last encounter with Levi, Celica has reservations about facing him again and soon finds out that if you don't tackle your problems head-on, that they will come to you in the most unexpected of ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 7th of September, 2018. 
> 
> A lot more detail has been added to this chapter, however, because of that, something things will have to be moved to the next. Word count, guys, it gets me every time. I think I'm kinda paranoid about it honestly. But, anyway... I hope you guys enjoy.
> 
> CIAO FOR NOW!

**CELICA'S POV:**

I thought I would be able to sneak back into the room without incident, however, when I cracked open the door, I found a candle glowing brightly by Petra's bedside. Looking up from a small journal in her lap, a sad smile graced her features as I entered.

"Couldn't sleep?" I shook my head slowly, a profound numbness settling deeply in my bones. Petra's smile faded as I stepped closer to the light, her eyes widening as she pulled the sheets away. "Why are you...?" She glanced towards the window, a roll of thunder and lightning accompanying the constant pitter-patter of rain against the pane of glass. "Don't tell me that you were outside just now."

I shrugged, tugging at my shirt in hopes to peel the damp material away from my skin. "The storm snuck up on me," I lied, wishing for nothing more than a warm bath and dry clothes at the moment. That and a kick in the head to make me forget this night had even happened.

Petra's lips pinched together in thought, her eyes giving me a sympathetic look as if she was able to see right through me. Leaving her bed, she shuffled over to her wardrobe and pulled an extra set of pajamas out along, holding them in one arm as she gently directed me towards the bathroom with the other.

"Best get warm before you get sick. You can sleep in these tonight. They should be warmer than the set you currently have."

I nodded my head gratefully, wishing I could give her something else in response but everything else would seem too forced, something that I had no longer had the energy for. I felt completely emotionally dead, drained; a feeling that I had not resurfaced since the days the walls fell.

Luckily, Petra didn't ask any further questions, giving me the space that I so desperately craved without having to be asked. I reminded myself to thank her later, but right now, I just couldn't find it in me to do so.

I didn't want to think about what had just happened out on the roof, what I had done, the captain's reaction. I didn't want to remember that look he gave me, chastising and angry and rightfully so. I had acted like a child, but despite these things, I couldn't regret my actions.

Everyone had their ties to the things that they had lost over the years. Letters, memories, lockets, a coat of arms from friends lost in the field. Everyone had their memories, their grief, that they carried with them. However, whenever I had seen the captain out in the field, he never once showed any hint of remorse or loss. He did his job and picked up the soldiers who had fallen apart at the seams when the damage was done.

The perfect soldier, an emotionless machine of war when he was out in the field. But if these things were all true, then why did I get a fluttering feeling in my stomach when I had seen the expression on his face on the roof? Were my eyes deceiving me, wanting to see something I wished? Or... did I really see his mask slip for just a brief second?

These thoughts and many like them taunted me through the night, listening quietly to the rain pouring outside long after Petra had gone back to sleep. I must have fallen asleep at some point, suddenly turning to see a soft grey light filtering through the drawn shades.

The next morning had come but the rain outside continued, lighter in its intensity in comparison to last night. The Corp continued on as usual though, never to be hindered by a little rainfall. I, however, spent my day indoors, tactically picking places to spend my time where I was sure that the captain wouldn't appear.

While curled up on a couch stashed away in the day room with a book, Hanji eventually appeared, sticking their head in from the hallway when they spotted me.

"Hey, whatcha up to?" They cheerfully greeting, plopping down in a chair adjacent to me.

"Just reading," I remarked casually, glancing up at the scientist from the pages of my book. "You?"

"Me? Oh, I'm just hiding from Moblit, my assistant." They stated, slumping in their seat. "I love the guy to death but he can be such a killjoy sometimes."

I quirked an eyebrow up at their comment, not sure whether to ask about what kind of potentially crazy scheme their assistant was trying to save us from. "Do I even wanna know?"

Hanji's face turned thoughtful for a moment before gently shaking their head, a wry grin set on their face. "Probably not, honestly." I nodded my head in agreement before attempting to refocus back on the pages of my book. "You left your hair down today."

My eyes darted back up at the casual comment, a sudden self-conscious feeling overtaking me reminding me that I was without my ribbon. "It's a bit chilly from the rain so I decided not to put it up."

"U-huh."

I immediately disliked the tone I heard in Hanji's voice. It was the same kind they had used a couple nights back when they avoided telling me about the transfer before the captain could rip the bandage off himself.

"Is there something wrong with that?" I asked pointedly, to which Hanji answered with a simple shake of their head.

"Nope, nothing at all." They stated, shifting to lean against one of the arms of their chair. "By the way, I didn't get the chance to tell you earlier but... I know Levi can seem like a brute at times, but he's not that bad of a guy. You just have to get used to him, that's all."

Placing my bookmark in between the pages and shutting the book, I let out a soft breath, knowing that a discussion with Hanji left me with few directions of escape without the captain tugging on their reins. Not that I particularly wanted him here at the moment anyway.

"You say that but, I'm not entirely sure about that at the moment."

"Why do you say? Did something happen between you two or something?" They asked with a gleam of interest in their eye as they shifted in their chair again, a sign that meant I had officially grabbed their undividable attention. Letting out another sigh, I lightly drummed my finger against the front of the book in my lap.

"I'm not sure if I'd rather say," I stated quietly, getting a feeling in my gut that told me that Hanji probably already knew more than they were letting on, considering how close they were with the captain.

"Is that why you haven't been to the mess hall today to eat, then? Afraid of running into him?" I blinked a couple of times at the scientist, becoming completely unnerved by their blunt proclamation. "Kinda missed you at breakfast. And lunch."

They quickly added with a slight shrug and an awkward grin, their smile suddenly defusing the oppressive suspicion in my mind as fast as it had appeared.

"Oh," I muttered, suddenly feeling both awkward and flustered by their concern. "Sorry, I just haven't really been hungry."

Though they were right about me avoiding meals so that I didn't have to deal with the captain, or Petra either, in this case, I wasn't lying either when I had told them that. My mind was everywhere else except on food, a faint numbness still clinging to me from last night.

"It's fine." They chimed, a genuine smile now gracing their lips. "Just promise me that you'll attempt dinner tonight?"

I gave a small nod in response, hearing a distant voice calling down the hallway. "Commander Hanji!"

Hanji's eyes went wide as they flew out of their chair and towards the door. "That's Moblit. Gotta run." In a flash, they were out the door, vanishing quickly and quietly from view.

A moment later, a respectable young man appeared in the doorway, panting softly as he scanned the room with darting eyes. "Excuse me, have you seen Section Commander Hanji anywhere?"

Pointing in the direction they had taken off, the man who I assumed as Moblit thanked me before rushing off again.

Shaking my head gently, I reopened my book with a soft sigh. There were some days I could forget how much like a band of misfits the soldiers of our Corp could resemble, and others, like today, it was impossible to. But at least for the meanwhile, the small display had brought a smile to my lips; the first one I could remember making in a decent while.

* * *

The rest of the day unfolded without much more excitement. I kept my word and had dinner with the squad who insisted on asking ten billion and one questions during the meal, most of which I gave them little or no answer to. It wasn't that I was trying to be rude or anything, however, most of the questions centered around previous experience or field missions and compared to the others, I didn't seem to have as nearly an impressive track record as they did.

Reluctantly though, I shared, if nothing but to get it out of the way for later. Everyone but Auruo seemed at least pleased with my answers, who sneered in my direction as if I was pre-evolutionary scum followed by a muffled "Greenhorn" remark. He shut up quickly enough though after Petra glared daggers at the man, a look vicious enough to potentially give the captain a run for his money.

Remind me never to piss her off. After all, I had to room with her.

Whether to my luck or lack thereof, the captain didn't show up during our meal, making me want to count my lucky stars but also wish that he would show up already just so that I could get my inevitable ass-kicking over with; knowing the longer I waited, the more it would most likely hurt later.

It wasn't until the next morning did I realize how completely screwed I was, waking up to the sound of a fist beating harshly against our door not long after dawn had broken the horizon.

"Goodmorning, Heichou." Petra greeted, any remnants of sleep immediately fading away from her voice as she answered the door.

Beneath the covers, my body convulsed in a quick shiver, curling myself up tighter among the sheets and ducking my head into the mass of fabric.

"Morning." He greeted, his voice still rough from apparent sleep before clearing his throat. "Wake the brat up. I expect both of you out by the corral with the others no later than eight o'clock." He stated with a tinge of irritation laced in his words.

"Understood, Heichou." She stated, closing the door as he turned to leave and with a soft huff of breath escaping her lips, she went to retrieve her clothes. "I wonder what that's all about."

Peaking my head out of the covers, I asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well," She turned towards me with a pensive look on her face. "Originally, we were supposed to work on coordinating aerial movements with you starting today. So why the sudden change?"

"He didn't mention anything before now?" She shook her head in response, a grim look on her face.

"And judging from his mood this morning, it's gonna be a long and interesting day." Groaning, I pulled the covers back over my head, not willing to get out of bed yet to face the music.

"You can take the first shower." I offered, Petra soon disappearing into the bathroom afterward.

Eventually shoving the sheets down to the foot of the bed, I reluctantly forced myself upright. There was no use in staying in bed to sulk if I wasn't going to attempt any further sleep, not that that option remained valid as of right now. Not when I had to face a pissed off captain since my 'discussion' with him two nights prior.

Begrudgingly, I got ready along for the day, following behind Petra as we walked down to breakfast and silent contemplating how many hours I had left to live.

* * *

Eight o'clock came faster than expected as we all stood by the corral expectedly, a mixture of looks gracing each of our faces ranging to apprehensive to calm to just outright tired; the latter being shown by none other than Auruo who was yawning as he leaned up against a post.

"He's late." He grumbled.

"He's probably just caught up with a meeting with the commander," Eld reassured, glancing over towards headquarters with a reserved look on his face. "You know how the higher-ups like to chat."

"It can't be helped," Gunter added in agreement, reflecting Eld's calm appearance.

"A man like Levi Heichou is never late, everyone else is just early," Petra stated as we each scanned the hills, spotting a sweep of onyx hair appearing over the crest.

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear," I muttered to myself, steeling my nerves as the captain approached.

A moment later, he stood before us with tense and rigid shoulders, an impatient and irritated scowl painted across the features of his face.

"Good, you're all here. At least I won't have to worry about hunting anyone down this morning." He stated with a sharp edge in his measured tone, the glare that he sent my way prickling my skin in warning to either run or fight at the first chance given. "Take your jackets off and place them on the posts. They'll only constrict your movement and get in the way."

He instructed as a wave of curiosity washed over me, noting each of the uneasy expressions from the others as we silently did as ordered. Hopping onto the wood fence of the enclosure, he perched himself on the top rung of the corral, turning back to growl at us, "Into the ring with you brats."

"Today should be a relatively easy day, just a little hand to hand combat revision, that's all. I will decide who goes up against who and you'll spar against each other until the other one taps or concedes defeat. Are we clear?" Everyone nodded, though reluctantly, in agreement; Petra slipping a cautious look my way and mirroring the same anxiety that was pooling in my stomach from the way that he had spoken just now.

"Alright, first up: Gunter and Valkihar." As the other retreated towards the fence, Gunter stepped closer to me, and wary look in his eyes. "Remember, don't go easy on her just because she's a female."

"Yes, Heichou." He responded, immediately readying his stance.

With much more hesitation, I too readied myself, feeling how tightly coiled my muscles had become with disuse over the past few days. I wished I had had the foresight to think to stretch before this, however, I would just have to make do I guessed.

A tiny movement caught my eye, a twitch of his leg before he rushed forward with a fist drawn back. I twisted my body right, planting my feet and grinding my heels into the ground as I caught his arm in a tight grip. In a single, solid motion I threw him over my back, pulling him forward along with the rest of his momentum. He hit the ground hard on his back with a loud grunt, having the wind knocked right out of his lungs.

He had weight, height, and strength in his favor so I knew that I had to make him concede quickly, not wanting to necessarily hurt him unless I had to. I still had to socialize with these guys after this so I wanted the damage to be minimal at best.

Before he could recover, I pulled him upright by the collar of his shirt, catching his throat in the crook of my elbow and tightening my arm around it while pressing his head tighter into the grip. It would either cut off his air or blood supply to his head if down right and when he struggled to pull my arm away, I only tightened my grip.

"Tap, dammit and let's just get this over with." I pleaded with him in a strained voice, soon feeling the distinguishable three taps that conceded his defeat.

Sighing harshly, I let him go, standing to shake out the tension left in the muscles of my arm which burned gently from the exertion. Holding out a hand, I helped him up as he gently rubbed his neck.

Over by the fence, Petra, Auruo, and Eld all looked on with wide eyes, astonishment swimming in their expressions.

"That was quick." The captain remarked, looking genuinely unimpressed otherwise.

"Isn't that the point though?" I questioned, daring to look him in the eye. "To take down your opponent as quickly and efficiently as possible?"

"It is..." He stated after a brief pause. "Gunter, I expected more out of you. Rather pathetic, actually."

Gunter gave a sheepish look at the captain, his voice rough after the chokehold. "My apologies, Heichou. I'll do better next time."

"I trust you will." Before I could walk a single step the captain added. "Valkihar, you stay. Eld, replace Gunter."

Silently, I couldn't help but wonder why I had been forced to stay, deciding that perhaps the captain thought that my win was  _too_  easy and he was actively seeking to challenge me. My eyes wandered from the captain to Eld, who strolled up casually, unhurried.

"You know I can't exactly go easy on you," He stated with a tone of confidence, a grin pulling at his lips.

"I don't expect you to." I retorted as we both readied our stances, of mutter of a thought passing through my lips. "And if the captain wants a show, well, let's give him on."

Apparently, my words had reached Eld's ears, seeing that his grin had grown wider by the remark. I felt my own smirk pull at my lips, letting my legs carry me forward to strike first this time.

He quickly sidestepped me before my fist could make contact, throwing a wide swing in attempts to hopefully catch me. I let my legs give way under me, sliding through the dirt and dust on my knees and barely missing his arm by an inch. The skin of my knees burned despite the barrier of clothes in between them and the ground, the white material dyed brick red by the mud and dirt of the corral's floor.

Finding solid ground beneath the balls of my feet again, I spun around, keeping my body low to the ground as I darted forward again. He blocked his torso just before my fist could connect and quickly secured my wrist in a tight grip, a twinge of pain running up my arm from his sheer strength. With a quick knee to my stomach, I doubled over as I felt the breath the leave my lungs and fell back stumbling when he suddenly thrust me away.

After a few coughs, I could feel the air reenter my lungs, burning pleasantly as my head buzzed with adrenaline, dulling the pain that slithered through my torso.

"Had enough, Princess? Is one blow all it really takes to bring you down?" He taunted, trying to get a rise out of me.

It was a smart tactic, I won't lie. Make the opponent angry or upset and they're bound to make a few mistakes, however, it wasn't so easy to get under my skin at a time like this. Not when I had grown up surrounded by horny and arrogant pre-pubescent boys who listened more to a prompt ass-kicking than words any other day. Thank Sina that my father didn't mind teaching me how to defend myself early on in life; skills that only improved upon my entrance into the Academy's Cadet Corp and which now, were being put to good use.

"I'm not quite sure. Think you can hit me like that again?" I taunted back, a smirk tugging at my lips.

"Let's find out." He stated before dashing forward, planting his feet firmly as he stretched out his leg for a mid-kick which would have landed against my ribs if I hadn't raised my arms to block. The moment his leg began to pull back, I moved in, sweeping my leg low to knock him off balance. He landed hard on his back, barely having time to move before I had him by the collar of his shirt, fist pulled back and at the ready.

He stopped moving the moment his eyes refocused, trailing from my face to my fist and back, a nervous swallow making his Adam's apple bob in his throat.

"If you wanna keep that pretty boy face of yours, tap," I warned, a smirk rising to Eld's face in response.

"Pretty-boy, huh? That's new." Letting out a harsh breath through my nose, I shoved him back against the ground instead of following through with my blow, deciding not to hit a man while he was down and to walk away. "You know, you aren't so bad on the eyes either. I think I'd envy the guy who manages to tie you down one day."

Feeling my temper snap, I quickly turned on my heels and clipped him in the side with a kick, a loud grunt of pain leaving Eld's lips.

"You talk as if I'm just some prize to be won by a man and to be honest, I don't really appreciate it," I growled out, watching him curl up clutching his side. "Choose your words carefully before you mention something like that again to me."

"Understood." He grunted out, slowly pulling him into a standing position.

"Well, I think this match is decided." The captain remarked casually, a subtle look of intrigue reflecting in his gunmetal eyes.

Matching his eyes with my own, I wasn't exactly sure what it was that seemed to impress him; whether it was because of the actual match itself or the split second that I let my true colors show. If it was the latter option, he hadn't seen the worst of it yet, nor did I plan on letting him see that side of me any time soon.

"Seeing that Valkihar still stand, Petra, you're up next." The captain proclaimed, glancing over at the petite ginger who wore an uneasy expression on her face as if silently asking if he was serious. He gave a curt nod of his head before gesturing towards the center of the ring.

A thought passed through my head as I saw Petra let out a deep breath, a serious and determined look set in her eyes as she approached. The captain had intended to make me fight until I dropped, probably his way of getting some payback for last night's light incident by making me go against each person in the squad. Hopefully, that list didn't include himself in the mix.

"Unlike the others, I'm not afraid to go all out against another woman," Petra affirmed with a small smirk. "No hard feelings, right."

I nodded in agreement, feeling my own smirk pulling at my lips. If this was going to be the way things played out, why not enjoy the game at least a little?

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for feedback! Let me know what you guys think! (P.S. I'm not all that experienced with fight scenes so I hope that this isn't too cringy to read.)


	10. All or Nothing, Face Off!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fights continue on but soon enough, Celica finds herself biting off more than she can chew as Levi instigates a fight of his own with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 12th of September, 2018. 
> 
> Hey everyone, we're back again. This chapter ended up so much longer than I had anticipated. I knew it would be long but at 5,500 words minus notes?! It couldn't be avoided. All of this was stemmed off of the fact that I broke up the squad fights in between chapters so that I could fit in some more details in between. The fights in this chapter got reviewed and revised as a whole, going back to properly depict a logical and realistic fight as best as I could. Some more dialogue (both external and internal) was added as well but I really think I outdid my previous attempt by a long shot.
> 
> Anyways, CIAO FOR NOW!

**LEVI'S POV:**

Perhaps I had been wrong to assume so early on that Valkihar was as predictable as I had previously thought, and after watching her fight against both Gunter and Eld and more or less coming out on top, I had thought that maybe Erwin had had a point when he insisted on this dumb-ass trial run for her. When matched against men who outclassed her in height, weight, and possibly strength as well, she had found relatively quick ways to put an end to the match. As she fought Petra, however, I noticed she wasn't nearly as quick to end things, drawing out the match between them with a new light in her eyes.

Both females were quick on their feet, dodging barely glancing blows aimed at vitals, pressure points, and anywhere where they could reach to strike really. Petra didn't bother holding back; she didn't pull her punches and struck whenever there was a potential opening, and soon Valkihar fell into her same rhythm, matching her step for step as if they were fighting to settle a score or something of that nature. It was quite honestly entertaining to watch.

A faint sheen of sweat appeared on their skin, making the dirt and dust cling to it easily as the match continued. Petra swung a leg towards Valkihar's head, Valkihar ducking just in time to avoid it and in turn sweeping her leg under Petra's. Though Petra fell, she fell into a roll, putting some space in between her and Valkihar before charging forward again. Her strikes only increased in speed the longer the match went on, Valkihar blocking all of them while getting in a few of her own, all of which either missed completely or were quickly blocked as well.

They seemed pretty evenly matched despite the amount of time and intensity of the training Petra had received since she had been brought into the squad. Eventually, a couple of Petra's blows landed in quick succession, right against Valkihar's ribs. I could hear Valkihar's gasp of pained breath as they hit, stumbling back a couple paces to put some distance in between her and Petra. The fire in Valkihar's eyes burned brighter, a smile on her lips as she regained her breath, charging forward to slam right into Petra and send them both grappling at each other towards the ground.

After a brief moment of struggling, Valkihar's hands secured around Petra's arm, holding it tightly while her legs wrapped around it, her heels digging into Petra's shoulder as she leaned back with Petra's arm locked in place. It was a shoddy armbar at best, but enough to cause Petra a significant amount of discomfort. If Valkihar wanted to, she could really hurt Petra with the possibility of breaking her arm, however, I hoped that Valkihar had enough common sense to know when to stop.

"Submit, Petra." I heard Valkihar growl out, a more reserved look appearing in her eyes although the flame in them had not yet died out. Petra struggled to free herself and let out a frustrated growl in return before reluctantly tapping in submission.

It was interesting to see the sudden change in the two's demeanors only seconds later, with both of the females wore calmer looks of pride as they helped each other to stand. Comradery was a strange thing to witness at times, especially between two women since the majority of the ones I had met in life had made it a point to carry a grudge if their pride or honor had been tainted with. However, with these two, especially with Petra, it seemed as if a mutual respect had been created between them, a new spark flickering in Petra's eyes as she returned to her former spot by the fence.

"Hmph. How strange is it that it's the females of our group that put up the best fight so far?" Eld's and Gunter's eyes darted low as I spoke, a wave of what seemed like embarrassment washing over them judging from the humble looks on their faces. "It's almost kinda pathetic honestly. We'll have to remedy that soon; with Petra and Valkihar, in particular, leading that lesson. That is... unless you wanna give it a shot as well Auruo."

"With pleasure, Heichou," He agreed quickly, an arrogant smirk appearing on his face as he dramatically cracked his knuckles and neck. "Time to teach the brat a lesson."

Although I managed to keep from actively rolling my eyes at his wannabe 'Alpha' display, I did let out a small huff of annoyance as I crossed my legs and rested my chin in my palm. Either this was going to be a rather quick, sad, and unimpressive match between them or perhaps Auruo might have had something stashed up his sleeve for an occasion such as this. However, I highly doubted the latter option.

"Give me your best shot, pipsqueak," He taunted, striding out as if he personally owned the ring. He didn't lack for confidence, I could hand him that much.

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you, pipsqueak." She spat back in retort, making Auruo visibly seeth at the remark.

But honestly, what did he have to be mad about? Regrettably, both of them were at least a couple inches taller than me so if anyone was about to get pissed off at the remark, it would have been me.

"Tch, at least I won't be easily beaten by some greenhorn." He muttered. "You've got nothing on my experience and kill count."

It was Valkihar now who wore a seething expression upon her face, grinding her jaw in place as her hands clenched into fists.

"The only reason you have as many kills as you do is that you put yourself in suicidal situations where it's either kill a Titan by sheer luck or get eaten. Your bravado could have easily got you killed multiple times." She stated with a sharp edge in her tone of voice. "Honestly though, I don't know what's worse, your belligerent personality or your overly inflated ego."

I swore that if this was about to be a dick measuring contest between the two that I would personally kick both of their asses into the next week at the first chance.

"Enough already! Stop bitching at each other like an old married couple and settle it already."

Both them exchanged looks of disgust, the tension between them seeming almost palpable despite the open air of the outdoors. This particular reaction was the complete opposite of the one I had just witnessed moments ago, and it seemed painfully obvious as to who Valkihar got along with, tolerated, and or despised.

The woman wore her heart on her sleeve though I doubt she was aware of it. Her actions spoke more volume than her words any day of the week and her true feelings were conveyed in their entirety by the sheer intensity of her blows.

She held nothing back, anger fueling her moves as she rushed him and immediately went for a headshot. Auruo managed to avoid her blow and deal one of his own to her torso which sent her back a couple steps as she regained her breath. But she didn't wait for more than an instant before she moved again, extending her leg in a kick that barely caught Auruo in the jaw.

Shaking it off with a groan of pain, he took a couple of paces back as he wiped a thin streak of blood away from his mouth with his arm. "Lucky shot," He muttered with disdain.

"It doesn't matter. The next one won't be." She threatened, patiently waiting for him to make the next move.

He didn't hesitate either, barreling towards her as she shifted into a stance with a lower center of gravity. The punch that came from Auruo was caught, her hand securing over his wrist tightly as the other grabbed for his shirt. Twirling her body, she sent him hurdling over her and landing hard on his back with a gasp of lost breath, her foot soon cradled against his throat and pinning him in place.

Auruo struggled for a proper grip around her boot, wheezing out "Get the fuck off me, bitch."

"Damn, I missed that uselessly flapping tongue of yours." The fire in Valkihar's eyes morphed into something darker, more sinister as she pressed the weight of her foot down harder against his throat. "But call me a 'bitch' again and I'll snap your scrawny neck."

She threatened lowly, reason kicking in before she could let her anger consume her as she lifted her foot and backed away to let Auruo stand.

That little display just now solidified a singular thought in my mind as I watched Valkihar attempt to reign in her anger. She refused to be undermined by derogatory names and comments; remembering then how a similar look appeared on her face after I called her a 'shit stain' because she was falling asleep standing up and refusing to acknowledge the fact I had even said a word to her on the first day of contact I had with her.

Apparently, her anger sparked even hotter if the comment was aimed particularly at her gender, noting how defensive she seemed to be about it with Auruo in particular. But then again, Auruo had the habit of letting his mouth overrun his ass, which promptly would get it kicked shortly after regardlessly. Even so, it was interesting to see how easily her anger spilled out and I wondered how far she would go if pushed in the wrong direction.

One thing was for certain though, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned', and I had a feeling Auruo was about to learn a lesson in why you should never piss off a woman who had just kicked three other people's asses before yours consecutively.

Watching them, I became curious about the way Valkihar had suddenly gone on the defensive, letting Auruo rush her first before flinching a single muscle.

"Oh, so now you wanna take me seriously as an opponent? It's about time." He stated confidently, though I knew his ego was about to a major blow in the next moment or so, judging for the calculating look on Valkihar's face.

"Are you just gonna stand there all day yapping or are you gonna come kick my ass like you planned?" She taunted, her calculating expression remaining unchanged as she took another half step back, glancing behind her where the corral's edge stood only a couple meters to her rear.

What was she planning?

Auruo sprinted forward, Valkihar turning and running at the same moment towards the fence. A look of surprise etched itself into Auruo's face as he stopped and watched as she pushed off one of the rungs and flipped over his head, landing behind him. He only had an instant to turn before her hands clamped down over his ears for a disorientating blow. Almost positive that his ears were ringing as he swayed on his feet, Valkihar ended the match with a roundhouse kick to his side, sending him face first coughing into the dirt.

Valkihar took a few steps towards him before I spoke up, fearing that if I didn't call it here, that she wouldn't necessarily stop.

"He's had enough, Valkihar. I think you've proven your point; don't you?" She looked at me with hard eyes and sighed before she approached him with an open hand to help him up.

Begrudgingly, he took it and was helped to his feet. Holding his side gingerly, he more or less limped back to the fence, leaving Valkihar still in the center of the ring.

"Are we finished for today, Heichou?" She asked plainly, her voice flat as she spoke.

I looked at the rest of the squad, who all looked worse for wear after their fights, with Auruo obviously looking the worst of them all. It was a harsh fight for sure and it seemed that Valkihar's blood had only begun to boil.

"No, we aren't."

* * *

**CELICA'S POV:**

It took a moment for me to realize that my ears, in fact,  _not_  playing tricks on me as I watched him dismount from his perch and shrug off his jacket. Was he really intending for me to fight  _him_  as well?

"Surely, you're joking Heichou. Right?" I questioned, my thoughts running a million miles an hour in my head as I wondered how I was supposed to fight this guy. Taking on the others was one thing even though they were all hand trained by him, but if I had to go against him one on one, I wondered if all the damage I had dealt with the others would suddenly come back to bite me in the ass.

Fuck, karma was a bitch. This had to be some sort of retribution for last night if he seriously expected me to fight him.

"Does it look like I'm joking, Valkihar?" He asked plainly as he loosened his cravat just a hair, the same usual stoic look gracing his face as he approached me.

"No, it doesn't," I stated, steeling my resolve before it could crumble into a million pieces. "Do the same rules still apply?"

"No, I will decide when you've had enough. Until then, I expect you to give it your all. There's no point in a match like this unless you take your opponent as serious as a blade of cold, serrated steel."

Cold, serrated steel, huh? It seemed like the perfect analogy to describe the man standing in front of me right now. His personality as a whole was much to be desired, blunt were his words while his eyes could cut through anyone with only one harsh glance. He was dangerous in nearly every aspect of the word and yet here he was, facing off against me as my opponent.

If I didn't come up with a plan soon, I was in for a world of trouble.

Taking a couple of steps back to measure out some distance between us, I wondered how I was going to approach him. He would obviously see any head-on strike coming from a mile away since he had just spent the better part of an hour watching my every move against the other four. However, just from all of the times I had spent around him, he was always cautious about having anyone behind him. His sixth sense for detection was almost disturbing with his ability to see every move coming, both on and off the battlefield. It would not surprise me in the least to find out how totally out of my league I was with this one.

The sound of fast-paced footsteps made me keenly aware of the captain who was charging headfirst towards me, instinctively raising my arms to block without a moment to spare as his leg connected. Just the sheer power coming from that one hit would have sent me flying if I hadn't dug in when I had. I could almost feel the smirk coming off him as he pulled back, my body instantly moving to help keep some distance as I formulated a plan.

Just watch him, anticipate his moves, and block while you wait for an opening. It was the only thing I could come up with as I tried dodging and blocking his hits, my limbs beginning to ache from the power coiled in each strike he delivered. A sudden surge of pain from my side slithered through my torso, my breath hitching as I realized that I had my left side unguarded from the brunt of his attacks. With a sweep under my feet, I hit the ground, the captain then standing at my feet with a disappointed look in his eyes.

"He who strikes first wins." He stated plainly, a hand placed on his hip. "You shouldn't let your opponent get the drop on you, at any time."

I thought back to the other night and how it seemed that he appeared out of thin air to slam me against the wall when I bolted on him. He had gotten the drop on me then and again now, but now I needed to turn the tables on him somehow.

"Kind of like the other night, right? It wasn't enough though, was it? You wanted to get back at me in a more... personal way." He narrowed his eyes at me, a flicker of controlled irritation flashing through them as he glared down at me.

"Believe whatever you want, it won't change things. You beat my entire team one on one, so what if I decided to test out your reflexes on my own terms?" He stated coldly. "But we aren't finished yet, so I suggest that you get up."

My eyes glanced over to the enthralled faces of the squad as they watched on with wide eyes and open mouths.

"If you plan on wiping the floor with me, could you do me one favor at least?" I asked with a lower voice, my eyes falling to the dirt and mud of the ground, feeling the gritty texture beneath my hands as I sat up.

"If you're asking me not to aim for your head then no. You tossed that rule out the window with that hit on Auruo." He groused. I shook my head in response, not really surprised by his assumption.

"It's not that," I informed, my eyes glancing back over to the four by the fence. "Will you send them away?"

He quirked an eyebrow up at me and crossed his arms, his eyes following mine towards the rest of the squad. "Embarrassed, Valkihar?"

"No, but this match is strictly between you and me. No one else."

His jaw worked subtly as he thought over my request, clicking his tongue before shouting out to the others. "You four, go find something productive to do until lunch! I expect you all to wash up before heading to the mess hall? Are we clear?!"

After a chorus of voices echoes out their agreement and salutes, one by one they trailed off, Petra throwing me a wary glance over her shoulder as she too left our sight with the others.

"I didn't take you for the type to have performance anxiety." He stated, trailing his eyes back down to me at his feet.

"I'm not." I voiced confidently, collecting a handful of dust and dirt in my palm. "I just needed a distraction."

Throwing the dust in the general direction of his face, he lifted an arm to shield his nose and mouth as I hooked my feet around his ankles and pulled him down to the ground. I could barely make out the surprised look on his face before I rolled back, putting a considerable amount of distance between us once more. Even though I knew that I could have easily topped him and trapped him in a guard, I doubted if I had the strength to keep the odds in my favor. If I found myself under him in turn, it would basically be game over. I needed distance to play it safe.

He recovered faster than I thought he would, bolting through the settling cloud of dust and darting straight for me. He moved as if he was pissed, sharp eyes pinning him in place as he drew back his arm. Instinctively digging my heels into the ground, I managed to deflect his strike as he extended with one of my hands and popped him on the shoulder with the other. The blow forced him back just enough to allow me time for one more hit, straight to the face, my first blood against him.

He stumbled back, reaching a hand up to gently work his jaw as a thin sliver of blood slid down from his mouth, a malicious grin forming on his face. My limbs trembled from a mixture of adrenaline and shock as I watched him while frozen in place, my blood chilling like ice in my veins. How the hell did I manage to do that? Better yet, what had compelled me to do so?

"Cheeky little shit." He growled, taking a moment to spit some blood from his mouth and into the dirt. "It's been a while since anyone's been able to get a hit on me like that. Not since Mike and Erwin."

I was dead. Irrevocably and literally dead meat. There was no changing that now, I thought, as my heart continued to hammer in my chest.

Tugging hard at his cravat, it came undone and was promptly tossed to the ground as a dark chuckle slipped past his lips.

"Alright, then. I'm game." He stated with a twinge of dark humor in his voice. Undoing the first few buttons of his shirt and rolling up his sleeves in a messy fashion, he then unsheathed a small knife from somewhere behind him, the polished silver glinting menacingly in the mid-morning light. "Playtime's over brat. Let's see how you fair when the stakes are raised."

He was crazy, he had to be! No one in their right mind would go this far, not in a simple sparring match. I had thoroughly, undoubtedly pissed him off and had admittedly become scared out of my wits as I saw him twirl the knife between his fingers.

Watching him, he suddenly seemed a little more at ease as he casually yet carefully maneuvered the blade within his grip, emanating a casual pride that slipped past his usual persona. It was as if he had become an entirely different animal now, something that I never quite seen before; still just as deadly though as the bloodlust in his eyes turned tangible with a devilish smirk. The very sight sent a chill down my spine in fear, having poked the beast and forced it to the surface.

Moving my attention to the sharp blade in his hand, I saw it move before anything else, panic driving my instincts into high gear as I did everything possible to dodge or deflect his wielding arm. I could see the ferocity in his eyes as he moved and I wracked my brain for a way to pull myself from the pits on this one. I wouldn't put it past him to actually hurt me within reason anymore, so if I didn't think of something soon, I could kiss my ass goodbye.

Backing me up with each swing, I leaned back when I saw the glint of metal enter my peripheral vision, falling back onto my hands and vaulting backward while my face missed the blade by fractions of an inch. I felt my foot come into contact with his hand, kicking the blade away and sending it off in some unknown direction. It didn't take but a moment for the captain's eyes to land on it and my mine as well as he charged for it.

I sprinted off towards him, tackling him just before his hand could reach the handle and back into the dirt with me, knocking the knife even further away. I rolled on top of him, pinning him down with my weight as I drew back another punch. His hand caught mine in his, stopping my blow in its tracks with a crushing grip. I tried again with my other hand only to have the same results, my wrists threatening to buckle under his brunt strength.

I couldn't help but notice the glint in his eyes as we stared each other down in a temporary stalemate, a look of amusement gracing his features. This guy really was a sadistic bastard if he got a kick out of this, I thought, anger threatening to boil to the surface again as it simmered in my veins.

"You're crazy." I bit out, one of his hand releasing mine to grab the collar of my shirt and throwing me violently to the side, turning his body with mine. I threw a boot up against his chest as he hovered over me, pinning my arms in the process as he hovered over me. Any space was better than none while he had the advantage on me like this.

"Maybe, but sometimes you have to be a little crazy to do the things needed to win against your enemies; whether they are Titan or human otherwise. That's the way of the Survey Corp and if you haven't quite learned that yet, consider this your first official lesson."

He lessened his grip on my hand that he pinned in the middle of our tumble and an idea sparked to life as I drew my arms back quickly, securing them in the fabric of his shirt. In one solid thrust, I tossed him over my head and onto his back, my muscles burning from the exertion. That fucker was heavier than he looked, I swore.

Fumbling to stand up, I made a break for the knife as I heard him recover. The smooth hilt felt warm in my palm as I secured in hand and I hesitated for the briefest moment before turning to face him again, wondering if I actually had the guts to attempt wielding it against him. I wasn't given much chance for deliberation as he charged, both of us dodging around each other as I watched him meticulously, his eyes casually tracking the knife in my hand.

One particular kick of mine connected with the back of his knee as I skirted around him, forcing it to give way under him. I knew I couldn't hesitate, I had to end this now, and with another roundhouse kick to his lower back, I sent him back into the dirt before he could stand again.

Pinning him down with my boot in the center of his back, I knelt over him and held the knife so close against the skin of his throat that he could swallow and the edge would nick him.

"Got you," I stated in a decisive victory, feeling his body go taunt under me.

"So sure about that?" He mocked, grabbing my wrist with the knife still in hand and squeezing hard along the main nerve. I felt the muscles in my hand go lax against my protest, losing my grip on the knife as it fell into the dirt again.

Knocking the knife away with his hand, he reached back and secured his hand in my shirt, pulling me harshly over his head in a sick twist of my own move used against me. My back didn't finish connecting with the ground properly before I took an elbow to the solar plexus, wretching a deep and painful cough from my lungs as I felt the air leave my lungs.

"Nice try, brat." He taunted as he glanced toward the knife which had glided only a few inches from me. We lunged for it at the same time, my hand securing the knife once more as I dived for it in a scramble before raising it in front of me again.

Standing on shaky legs, I saw him rise with me, brushing his thumb across a thin streak across his cheek as blood began to seep to the surface. His irises turned dark as he glared at me, hints of red glowing just beneath the black coals of his eyes.

"You'll regret that," He stated lowly, menacingly in his tone of voice.

Grinding my heels into the dirt, I tightened my grip on the knife, glaring back at him openly.

It didn't matter why we kept dragging this out anymore. It didn't matter how much of a well deserved ass beating I deserved for provoking him like this. We would settle it here.

Since the day he suddenly waltzed into my life and opened up his mouth for the first time towards me, I had tried to play nice; to play the perfect soldier for him. But he found issues with every little thing I did or said, whether he actively voiced it or not; his eyes said everything that his mouth did not.

I never did appreciate any of his condescending remarks, with Auruo's pathetic imitation of him only adding fuel to the fire, as if I wasn't having a hard enough time adjusting the sudden change as it was. It was a lot to take in still but the captain wasn't helping in the slightest.

His reaction the other night was just the icing on the metaphorical cake. Wasn't it obvious how much that "damn scrap of cloth" meant to me? If he hadn't have stopped me then I probably could have found it before the rain had set in. But no, that's not how things had worked out.

He knew nothing about me at all and yet he continued to play me like a pack of cards. He had turned my life upside down and made me feel like a flustered little child. I didn't care if it was our fight had started out of formality, a black and white test of strength and endurance. It was personal now, for both of us, judging from his sudden change in demeanor earlier.

"Make me," I growled, clenching the knife tighter as I charged him.

I let my anger and frustration translate into action, going for an uppercut before he dodged me effortlessly. I swung low with a kick, throwing my entire body weight into it and missed, twirling back around on the balls of my feet. With another swipe of the blade, he ducked quickly to swing a leg under me and send me back down to the earth.

I felt his weight settle down on me, the knife suddenly back in his hand instead. When he brought the knife down, my hands secured around his, desperate to hold him back as the tip of the knife reached ever closer to the hollow of my throat. He paused, neither letting me push his hand away nor letting it pierce my skin as it grazed the surface.

With a heavy sigh, he pulled the knife away but remained to hover above me. The stoic mask was replaced on his face as quickly as it had been removed earlier, his eyes losing their deadly edge as he spoke plainly.

"You lose."

A drop of liquid fell against my cheek, snapping me from frozen state of disbelief. The cut on his cheek had begun to flow freely now before he sat back and removed himself, wiping away the blood with his forearm.

"Get up. We're done for now." He groused, traipsing away to pluck up the forgotten cravat from the ground which was now coated a fine layer of dirt and dust. I heard him make a noise of disgust as he pocketed it and brushed himself off before going to retrieve his jacket from the post. "I'm absolutely filthy thanks to you, brat. I hope you got your rocks off on that little fact."

I couldn't help but snicker at his choice of words from my spot on the ground. My body felt heavy as lead and I didn't feel like testing out my legs again so soon after all that sudden movement. I had just barely survived a brush with death, I was entitled to a solitary moment of peace, wasn't I? But as always, the moment was short-lived, feeling a tap against the bottom of my foot to see the captain standing over me again with his jacket laid over his arm.

"Are you just gonna lay there all day like a disgruntled brat or are you gonna walk it off already?"

I let out a sigh which tasted of dirt, the bitter and disgusting taste of defeat and held an arm out for him, waiting for him to take it. He eyed me for a moment before switching the jacket onto the other arm and clasping his hand in mine firmly, pulling me to my feet while my muscles protested with every movement.

"Go wash up and enjoy some downtime before lunch. The others will be waiting for us." He ordered in a more reserved tone of voice, which was borderline 'gentle' from its lighter sound.

"Yes, sir," I replied, intentionally dropping his special honorific as I strolled past him with averted eyes.

I hadn't intended on winning against him but I didn't think that I would have been capable of taking him on in the way I had. Either way, the defeat left a bitter feeling in my gut as it mixed with the lingering pain from one of his earlier strikes, and I was suddenly glad that I had asked him to send the others way when I did. I don't know if I could face them later if they had been there to see everything as I had.

Thing was, little to my knowledge, the squad had perched themselves at the windows on the top floor of headquarters to overlook the rest of the match, as I would soon find out later at lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I really appreciate it, truly! Let me know what you guys think... kudos, comments, etc. I live for feedback and it always makes me smile to see my reader's reaction to the story so far. Thanks btw for the feedback so far! Hope to see you again in the next chapter.


	11. A Painful Blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruised and battered, our stubborn Levi and Celica seek out to repair what's left of their egos. While Levi confides in Hanji, Celica wishes that she could just forget about it all, later learning some troubling new information from an acquaintance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 18th of September, 2018. I'm sorry that it has taken me a little longer than usual to post up this chapter. A lot of new stuff has been added and I struggled hard to work around it. But I hope that it's all worth it in the end, seeing that I'm correcting/adding my plot in where it should have started.

**HANJI'S POV:**

The halls of headquarters were brimming with activity and gossip on Celica's first day back to regular duty as hushed whispers of excitement and awe were soon floating around the compound starting rather early in the morning and only growing in intensity as the day continued. That girl had managed to already stir up quite a stink and it wasn't even lunch time yet. I wondered what had happened to cause such a commotion as I strolled the halls but soon found my answer the moment I found Levi stalking towards his room coated in dust and dirt and... was that blood?

"Levi!" I called out, rushing towards him as he stopped to turn his head.

"What is it Four-Eyes? If you can't tell, I'm in dire need of a shower so if you'll excuse me..." He stated with a slight rush of his words, attempting to walk off before I placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

He flinched at my touch, pulling away with a hard look in his eyes. He looked even worse for wear up close, noting the dried trails of blood that had fallen from the corner of his mouth and a cut on his cheek. No wonder he was jumpy, I thought.

"Come on then, let's get you cleaned up before that gets infected." I offered, allowing him time to give a small nod in agreement before I had him follow me back to my office in silence.

It was a wonder that he didn't immediately protest but there was something in his lack of reluctance that made me question why that was exactly. Maybe his spark was all tapped out for the day, or perhaps there was something weighing down on his mind. I would try finding out soon enough, but for now, I let the silence pass us with ease.

Upon arrival, he took a seat in his usual chair as I fetched my disinfection and clean-up kits from a cupboard, leaning on an arm and crossing his legs while he patiently waited. Soon enough, I found them and brought up a stool to sit next to him, setting the supplies down on a small table nearby. Prepping a fresh cloth, I reached to loosely grasp his jaw to clean off the grime and blood off his face when he flinched away again with a choked sound of pain.

He glared at me weakly before collecting himself, gritting his teeth as I cleaned the dirt off his skin. So his wounds were still relatively fresh it seemed, noting how he tense remained until the majority of the grime was wiped away.

"So are you going to tell me what happened, Levi? The whole Corp's been in a tizzy today; probably from whatever you're keeping from me." I explained, earning a stronger glare from the stoic man.

"Why don't you go ask one of the cadets then instead of pestering me about it?" He groused irritably, my gentle hold on his jaw tightening enough to pull a barely audible whimper from him.

"Because for once, you're physically injured, and it looks like someone just stepped all over your pride while they were at it. So excuse me if I'm just a little bit concerned to find you in a state like this." I snapped, letting him slap my hand away before working his jaw gently with a soft groan. "And if you don't tell me yourself, surely all these rumors currently going around will only continue to spread like wildfire, if not exacerbate it past the point of control."

He let out a harsh sigh, relenting for me to continue my work as I doused a cotton swab in iodine.

"It was just some hand to hand combat training, nothing special." He stated, a perturbed look entering his eyes as he spoke. "Apparently, I'm a bit rustier than I remember being."

"And this gash here?" I asked, poking the skin right beneath the cut, which caused Levi to flinch again. "It's too clean for it to be from anything else but a knife."

He kept his eyes averted from mine, remaining silent as I further inspected the mark, a shocking thought entering my mind.

"You didn't, did you?" I questioned with a sudden edge in my voice, noting how he still kept his eyes away from mine and refused to respond. "You fucking idiot!" I snapped, pressing the iodine coated swab harshly against the wound.

He exclaimed a litany of curse words as he shoved me away from him, holding the side of his face with a harsh scowl on his face.  ** _"What the fuck was that for?!"_**

"You should know better than to bring a knife out when training with cadets! And I know it was you because you never go anywhere without being armed, it's one of those habits you never broke from being in the underground."

The expression on his face turned downright menacing as he glared at me, anger building in his eyes like a freshly stoked fire.

" _One_ , my squad is not made up of fresh-out-of-the-academy cadets.  _Secondly_ , I have full authority to train them in any manner I please;  _that is not for you to decide_." He retorted harshly, becoming increasingly defensive with each ongoing statement. " _And lastly_ , let's throw you in the ring with Valkihar and see how you fair next time. How about that?"

"Wait,  _she_  did this?" I asked, quite shocked by this new information. Letting out another breath to calm his nerves, he leaned back into the chair with a disgruntled expression.

"She managed to beat Gunter, Eld, Petra, and Auruo; all in that order. And somehow, she managed to at least hold her own against me. So excuse me if I upped the stakes after she punched me square in the jaw." He stated bitterly before muttering to himself. "She's probably been waiting for a chance to do that for a few days now at least."

"If you look like this, I'd hate to see how Celica looks," I stated, continuing to dab his wound in a much more gentler fashion as I looked for a new change in topic. "By the way, what did Erwin have to say earlier? You left his office this morning looking more irritatable than usual."

"A whole lot of nothing useful. It was actually his idea for me to test her skills personally instead of just studying her as usual. And both of us can see the outcome from that little stunt." He groused with another sigh. "I still have no clue what he's thinking about this whole thing. He's playing it cautiously by having me to the dirty work for him. Literally."

"Do you think he could be onto something bigger than he's letting on?"

"I know he is, I can feel it." He stated in a more somber tone as if something else was also weighing heavily on his mind. "And about the brat..."

I paused for a moment to clarify, "You mean Celica?"

"Yeah, her..." A more distant look appeared in his eyes, deep in thought before he continued. "Have you found a way to fix it for her yet?"

I pondered for a moment to figure out what exactly he was talking about before realizing that he was asking about the tattered ribbon he had handed off to me the other day.

"Oh, that." I glanced over towards my desk where I had placed the torn keepsake, notes of ideas and such of how to piece it back together scattered around it. "I'm not much of a tailor or seamstress, so I have no clue how to mend it back together as it was. But I have an idea at least, to turn it into something else that she can keep with her. Do you think that would work instead?"

He thought for a moment in silence beside a gentle exhale of breath, his eyes reflecting the deep pools of his wandering thoughts. "Even if you could salvage any of the original material, I think she would still take it."

"Alright then," I agreed, putting away my kits after dabbing some more antiseptic mixture over the cut on his cheek. "I'll get started on it immediately. But, Levi, I seriously think you ought to give it back to her."

"Hanji-"

"You're the one who found it after all. It might even help to clear whatever air is between you two at the moment."

His eyes turned towards me with a weak glare, a disgruntled noise brewing in his throat. "What's that supposed to mean, Shit Specs?"

I sighed gently, fishing for another item before shutting the cupboard. "It doesn't take much to notice how at odds you two are at the moment and I'm pretty sure that if I took a look at the others, their injuries would pale in comparison to yours."

"Get to the point, already." He snapped, his patience wearing visibly thin.

"What I'm trying to say is that even if Celica doesn't stay with your squad, you two have to find some common ground and understanding if you two are gonna make it through this trial run. She's been tossed almost completely out of her usual element, so I can't blame her for carrying any resentment towards you in the least. After all, you aren't exactly the easiest person to get along with most times than naught and you were the one who had to break the news to her after a rather harsh first day with you."

He sat there quietly for a moment, a different array of emotions flickering through his eyes as he thought; irritation, discomfort, then curiosity, before finally, acceptance.

"Fine, I'll think about it at least while you finish up whatever you're going to do with that  _thing_."

I shook my head gently with a half-hearted smile.

"Good enough for me. Just remember to let that cut get some air and it shouldn't leave a scar." He nodded and went to stand from his chair, collecting the remaining fragment of his uniform as I twirled a small bottle of pills in my hands before tossing it to him when he looked my direction again. "For your jaw; and your pride."

Glowering at me, I felt a smirk rise to my lips as he left the room without another word.

Comfortable in the silence of my workspace once more, I wandered over towards the desk to thumb over the tattered piece of ribbon once more, the smirk on my face then growing wider with my thoughts.

He's done some pretty outlandish things for his soldiers before but this, this tiny piece of cloth, had to be the most significant act of kindness I had seen come from him in many years. I'd bet a half of month's stipend that if those two didn't kill each other by the end of the trial run, that they'd be inseparable within a few months if they played their cards right.

It might have just been my inner romantic wanting to whisk these two together under such interesting circumstances, but honestly, I thought that if given the chance, those two might actually have something going for them.

After all, opposites may attract but it's the like-minded that last, and those two already seemed like they were two halves of the same coin on that one.

Out of pure curiosity, I ventured out to find Erwin, thinking that perhaps I could somehow work some information out of the man that Levi could not. Somewhere inside, I doubted if it was even possible; but nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

Unsurprisingly, the man was still held up in his office, his face buried in his hands as he overlooked a massive layout of paperwork and various scribbles.

"Do you have a moment, Erwin?" I questioned casually after knocking at his door.

"Sure, Hanji. What do you need?" He responded, briefly glancing at me before deflecting back towards his paperwork.

"Answers, if I'm being blunt."

He lifted his head from his hands and rested them on the desk, tired and empty eyes looking through me as if I wasn't all physically there.

"About?"

"Whatever it is you know about Celica that you're keeping from Levi, and the rest of us I might add."

He chuckled low in his throat as a smirk pulled at his lips. "Since when does Levi send someone else to fight his battles for him?"

"He doesn't; he doesn't know I'm here either. And I would prefer to keep it that way." I admitted, putting on my best poker face.

"Why is that?" He questioned as I took a seat across from him, leaning forward and lacing my fingers together.

"Because I don't think you would stonewall me like you have Levi. I've known you longer than he has, and plus I also haven't tried to kill you at one point or another." He chuckled once more before leaning back into his chair, twirling a pencil in his fingers absentmindedly. "So I know when you're trying to draw the focus off of one thing by manipulating the people beneath you. You're not just trying to safeguard particular information, are you?"

The pencil froze in his hand, strong fingers rubbing along the smooth surface before he placed the utensil down firmly on the desk.

"Let's hypothesize at the moment that your crazy ideas are indeed correct. What's stopping you from telling Levi the truth when you leave here?" He questioned ominously, a subtle threat hidden between his words as he spoke curtly.

"It depends on what exactly is at risk here."

I could see Erwin silently weighing his options while I put nearly ten years of trust into this single blunt blow. It was a long shot to hope to convince him of the truth this easily, but considering how long he spent deliberating, the issue really seemed bigger than what he had led everyone else to believe.

"You know what happens to people who betray my confidence, don't you, Hanji?" He continued, keeping the same menacing tone in his voice which told me how truly serious he was taking this conversation.

"Of course. You're a sadist just like the rest of us, Erwin. I doubt even my imagination could hold a candle to some of the things you'd come up with."

Another smirk broke through his facade, a playful twinkle in his eyes before he sat up in his chair and leaned forward onto the desk.

"The risk here..." He faltered, painfully trying to find the right words. "At best, the only thing damaged will be a portion of my pride and some trust between a few select individuals. At worst, the Titans beyond our walls will be the least of our problems unless we manage to get ahead in the game."

I took a moment to intake his words, wondering if he would soon drop the vagueness of his explanations and start giving me some real answers. "If Titans aren't our biggest concern, what else would be?"

Erwin's smirk faded, his mouth forming a hard, straight line in his features. Lost was the amusement of my friend in his eyes and what replaced it instead was the look of a war-hardened individual who had seen much too much for his own lifetime.

"One of our own."

* * *

**CELICA'S POV:**

When I arrived at lunch, being sore and thoroughly bruised, I wanted nothing more than to crawl under the table and turn invisible as the squad recounted the fight between the captain and I that they had caught from an upstairs window.

"What the hell were you thinking Celica? That fight between you two turned absolutely brutal after we left." Eld pointed out, amazement overshadowing any concern left in his voice as he spoke.

"Yeah, I would have killed to see that up close," Gunter added with a tinge of excitement slipping out.

"No, you wouldn't have. Trust me." I stated, my voice muffled with my head tucked between my arms on the table.

"But seriously, how did you manage to nail him like that? No one else here has been able to lay a finger on the guy so far." Eld questioned further. I swore these guys could be as bad as Hanji was at times.

"Adrenaline, I guess. You know, it's not like I was fighting for my life or anything of that nature, really." I retorted with thick sarcasm, raising my head just enough to narrow my eyes at the blonde across from me.

"Serves you right," Auruo muttered, taking a drink from his cup. "Payback's a bitch, huh?"

"I don't even have enough energy to waste a tactless comment on you right now, man." I groused, burying my head back in my arms.

"Knock it off, Auruo. We've all had a long morning and I bet Celica just wants to forget about it for right now." Petra coaxed trying to help avoid another confrontation between me and Beady Eyes.

"Ding, Ding, Ding, we have ourselves a winner! Someone give the lucky lady her prize!" I half-heartedly exclaimed, mockingly gesturing towards Petra while not yet lifting my head off the table.

"Grouchy, much?" Gunter questioned as he rested his chin in the palm on his hand.

"It's fine Gunter, really," Petra added. Thank the saint of the woman for being able to take a joke. "Besides, shouldn't we be worried about the up and coming expedition instead?"

"Wait, expedition?"  _That_  got me to look up from my cradle. "How far out?"

"A couple days at the most," Eld stated. "Don't tell me you forgot."

I groaned softly and propped my head up with my arm. "Yeah, I did actually; had a lot going on recently so it just kinda slipped my mind."

"At this rate, you'll be Titan fodder by next week." Auruo pointed out, who received a glare from Petra in response. "What? It's true! I mean what else has she done but spend the last few days cooped up like a sick child?"

"If you're trying to pick another fight Auruo, I'll happily oblige." I retorted eagerly despite the current protesting in my muscles.

"As if, I'm not nearly as stupid as you take me for."

"That's debatable."

"Guys, enough," Eld interjected. "Seriously though, don't worry about it so much Celica. We've got 'Humanity's Strongest' as our fearless captain, so if we just do our jobs, we'll all come back in one piece as usual."

There it goes again; the hero worship talks that always seemed to drift around the Corp without fail. I got that they were proud of their captain and their position in his personal squad, but sadly the feeling was far from mutual on my account. After this morning, it felt like all attempts to get through this ordeal rather unscathed were just tossed out the window and into the drifting breeze.

I was sore in more than way, my pride hurt worst of all by allowing him to get the better of me. Already we were off to a rocky start and I didn't see it getting much better with an expedition just off the horizon. At least at this rate, I could eventually go back to my previous squad, my old life, and the comfortable solitude that it provided.

This new squad seemed like a tightly-knit group and though they weren't the worst company for the most part, minus Auruo of course, I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of spending what little of my personal time I had with them. That's just how it has always been though; connect just enough to get the job done but otherwise, I had no real interest in making friends.

People always got hurt when they let someone else in, and I didn't want to carry any more grief than I knew I could bear. I knew it was a cowardly way of thinking but honestly, I couldn't care less anymore; not in a world as cruel as the one we lived in.

"One can only hope," I said softly, rising from my seat and taking away my tray. It's not like the captain was here to chastise me and I didn't feel like listening to the million and one reasons that the squad adored him. Especially since I knew I would have plenty of time to spend around him and the others while we were out in the field.

* * *

I spent the rest of the evening in the armory, seeing that the captain had not called for us to regroup since his sudden absence at lunch, oiling my gear and checking for defects. It was a quiet enough place to sit and collect my thoughts while also being productive in a sense so they others couldn't say that I was 'shirking my duties and playing hooky'. However, things were always easier said than done.

Company, sometimes, seemed to ease the burden in rare cases though, soon discovering that I was not alone in the armory as I had originally hoped as Francis poked his head around a stack of crates.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in."

"It's good to see you too Francis. Come to mock me in my pitifulness?" I mocked, running a rag over the finer pieces of my gear to help work the thin oil into the tiniest grooves of it.

"You, pitiful? As if; if anything, we're too busy being jealous to take pity on you." He playfully teased, taking up residence on a crate adjacent to me as a scoffed in response.

"Please. There's nothing to be jealous over, trust me." Catching my reflection in the shiny surface of a fan blade, I sighed softly as I saw faint abrasions across my face and neck from all the falls I had taken earlier in the day, my stomach churning bitterly at the thought.

"But he's the pride of the Survey Corp. I would have thought that you would have been honored for such a placement among his personal squad."

"And just like usual, Natasha is too nice of a person to tell you guys anything else besides the rose-colored version of the story. It's less like an honor and more like a punishment, I swear."

"He's that tough?" Francis asked with a more measured tone, a thoughtful look entering in his eyes.

"Tough, rough, coarse, crude, rude; he's all of those things and then some in my opinion." The words fell out of their own accord, though I didn't regret saying them in the least.

The members of my original squad were probably the only people that I could openly vent to about everything. Everyone else was always too close to the captain for comfort, and surely, would betray my confidence at one point or another.

"So, you two don't get along?"

"We..." I paused, looking for the right word to describe the current situation between the captain and I. "We tolerate each other, at best."

Francis took a moment to reflect on my words, a sympathetic look appearing in his eyes as he thought. "I've heard he's rather rough around the edges, but I didn't expect you to openly detest him though."

Detest; that word didn't seem to fully convey the irritation and spite that I held for him. Part of me swore that I hated him but 'hate' was a strong word, one that I could only use to describe my feelings towards Titans at any given time. At the moment, though, I wasn't sure if any other word for fit for my feelings towards the captain.

All I knew for certain was that he got under my skin in ways that I couldn't quite fully understand and he had so far only pulled the worst of me out in our short time together.

"It doesn't really matter what I think of him personally, right?" I noted, trying to shrug off my former train of thought and trade it for another. "I'm a soldier, so I just have to do my job as expected of me and hopefully everything will return to normal soon enough."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Francis asked with a newfound curiosity. "Return to normal?"

It wouldn't hurt to tell him, right? There was no harm in letting them know that I had a chance of coming back since I had already vented my frustration to him about the captain. It would give us all something to look forward to at the very least, wouldn't it?

"Apparently, this transfer doesn't have to be permanent; and depending on how things go, I might be able to come back. I wouldn't have to stay under Captain Levi's guidance after all."

A wry look crossed Francis' face, hesitance and worry settling deep into his eyes. "You'd really wanna move back into our squad?"

My hands paused in this ministrations, the subtle clink of metal lightly hitting the wooden crate beneath me as my arms relaxed and my shoulders dropped. I had already chosen to board the honesty train during this conversation, so why stop here, I wondered.

"To be honest, I got comfortable with you guys, comfortable with my life as a whole." And at the moment, I wanted nothing more than to go back to my previous life of reservation and familiarity. "So yeah, I would."

Francis sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as he tensed up, the uneasy look on his face growing in intensity the longer he sat silent.

"We would love to have you back, really. But... um, I'm not sure how to say this." The bitterness in my stomach from earlier churned even more violently, fearing that the last shred of hope I had left in this crazy situation was about to shatter into a million pieces.

"How about bluntly?"

Francis refused to look me in the eye, grinding his jaw in thought before he spoke again. "They've... They've already filled your spot with another cadet.

"Excuse me?" I questioned in disbelief, shock being at the forefront of my emotions.

"Caven." He stated in a pained voice. "They brought her in as your replacement the day before yesterday."

It felt like my entire body had been caught in free fall as if the ground beneath me had just opened open to swallow me whole. This was crazy, it couldn't be true. I haven't even been transferred that long; three or four days max! It was too soon. Why? WHY?!

"They _who?_ "

"I don't know, someone well above our heads though. She just randomly showed up next to Captain Cambell one morning and he broke the news to us after formation." He explained, a mild look of disgust pulling at his features. "Thing is, I know the faces of almost everyone in the corp but I hadn't seen her in a single day of my life. She's new and someone even more secretive and standoffish than you ever were."

Anger poured through me, the feelings of isolation and rejection that had slowly simmered beneath the surface rising to the surface all at once. My ears didn't even really register Franic's last words as I quickly refit my gear with hands that trembled from rage, pointedly ignoring the nagging protests in my head of leaving a job only half finished.

"I've gotta go," I stated with a voice shakier than I would have liked to believe as I fit the final pieces back together and stashed it in my locker.

"Celica! Where are you going?!" Francis called out from his spot, his prior experience with my temper most likely being the only thing keeping him from chasing me down as I stormed out of the armory.

"To confirm something with that asshole of a captain of mine!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far but there is plenty more content coming soon to an electronic device near you! (LOL) Let me know what you guys think about the story so far. I live for feedback! Until next chapter, CIAO!


	12. A Change in Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visibly upset by a recent development, Celica sets out to give Levi a piece of her mind only to be countered by his sudden change in demeanor, soon learning that perhaps there was more to the man she was had been led to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 25th of September, 2018. 
> 
> Hey, Everyone! So this chapter has quite a bit of new changes and, honestly, I've been wracking my brain about how to go about this, wondering if it was good enough or not. As the story progresses, my word counts per chapter might steadily lengthen, just FYI.

**CELICA'S POV:**

After storming off from the armory, my anger-fueled search for the captain proved fruitless as I wandered headquarters without the slightest inclination of where he could possibly be. I tried both his study and his personal quarters and found no signs of life within, not a single sound in response before I begun pacing the hallways of out pure frustration. As the daylight ebbed away, slowly did my initial anger as well, returning to my room for the night where Petra and I made very little small talk before turning in.

I wasn't in the mood for polite conversation and I kept my mouth shut for the most part out of respect for my roommate. The last thing I needed to do was take out my anger on her and make her a victim of circumstance. No, this was strictly between the captain and me; and superior stature or not, I would give him an earful at the very least for raising my hopes as he had, only to have them crushed in a matter of days.

I didn't really sleep that night, drifting in and out of consciousness every so often until just before dawn. Upon gathering my uniform together, I managed a quick shower and then headed downstairs ahead of Petra towards the mess hall.

Surprisingly, the captain was already in his usual spot at what I was forced to consider 'our' table, feet propped up on the corner while leaned back with a new book, a fresh cup of tea, and a stray piece of toast on a plate next to him. Silently, I grabbed my tray of food from the cooks, my irritation boiling anew beneath my skin as I attempted to take my seat at the other end of the table, only to hear the scrape of another chair being moved.

"Sit here, Valkihar." The captain ordered though he hadn't looked up from his book once since I had walked in. "There's something I would like to discuss with you before the others get here."

Reluctantly, I took the offered seat next to him while doing my best to reign in my emotions so that I could, at the very least, hear him out. Now wouldn't be the best time or place to lose my temper with him, it was too open and already more bodies had begun to wander through the doors.

"If it's a private conversation you're looking for then I doubt the mess hall is the place to have it, sir," I stated curtly, polishing my silverware as an excuse to let my hands fiddle with something out of anxiousness.

"It's nothing of that assortment, I can assure you. Seriously, what do you take me for?"

' _You really don't want me to answer that._ ' I muttered under my breath, feeling the instant his eyes finally left the pages of his book and focused a sharp glare in my direction.

Upon closing his book with a harsh snap, he sat it on the table and leaned back again to cross his arms.

"And why would that be, Valkihar?" He questioned with a reserved edge in his voice.

"You might not like the answer,  _Heichou_." I returned his glare with one of my own, spitting out his title as if it was dirt in my mouth.

He narrowed his eyes at me, slim fingers drumming steadily on the bicep of his jacket as he clicked his tongue at me and changed back to the original subject at hand, his tone of voice holding more bite in it than before.

"As I'm sure you're aware of, we have another expedition approaching us in the next couple of days. Depending on how well it goes, and how well you cooperate and coordinate with the rest of the squad, the outcome will help determine where you truly belong; whether that's as a permanent part of this squad or not."

His words relit of embers of anger that I had barely managed to tamp down until now, mocking me as if it wasn't already clear that I would be stuck with him and others until the end of either my career and or my life.

"Why are you telling me this now?" I asked with a forcibly measured tone, clenched fists hidden just out of sight under the table. He let out a small breath, simultaneously ceasing the repetitive drum of his fingers against the thick material of his jacket.

"Because you've made your feelings about this whole situation blatantly obvious, but I can't necessarily blame you for it. It took quite a few of us by surprise as well, though maybe not in the same way. But if you won't even give us a chance, the least I can do is help speed things along."

His words pulled my eyes back to him, feeling my anger falter in its intensity as I took in each of his words, listening intently as he continued.

"I can't dictate how you're supposed to feel, that's well beyond anyone's position of authority. We all have our own comfort zones, our safe places; but if you only look at what's behind you, how else are you supposed to see what else lies ahead? You'll never grow, never evolve into something greater if you stay stagnant for so long."

Somewhere in the middle of his speech, I noticed that the edge in his voice slowly started to dissipate, a gentler, almost understanding sound taking its place while his eyes softened just a little as well.

"You were, at the very least,  _content_  in your previous squad though, right?" I gave a subtle nod in response, struck silent by his sudden change in demeanor. "Then perhaps it would be better for you go back for the time being. That is until you're ready to take the next step forward. "

My heart didn't know whether to stop entirely or pound right out of my chest in disbelief, a painful clench settling in as a compromise that threatened to bring tears from the emotional upheaval. I couldn't lay into him like I had wanted because he honestly believed there was still a place for me to return back to. A small flicker of doubt crept into my mind though, thinking that if he was lying for whatever reason, it would have been the worst joke yet.

"I'm not so sure it's that simple anymore though," I whispered, trying to piece together the remainder of my thoughts and conflicting emotions.

"What do you mean?"

Though my hands had relinquished their fists by now, my fingers still twitched and fidgeted together in a fresh wave of anxiousness. "I ran into one of my previous squad members last night. They said that my spot has already been filled by another cadet as of a few days ago."

Besides a small intake of breath, the captain didn't utter another sound in response, my eyes remaining glued to the untouched plate sitting in front of me. "So, you really didn't know?"

"No, I didn't." He stated in a low voice.

"Then I guess I owe you an apology, considering that I had myself convinced that you knew after all and were planning on keeping me in the dark."

"I wouldn't have put forth that option from the start had I known that another cadet would be coming in to fill your vacancy; I'm not that quite sadistic, not when it comes to my own squad at least." He argued without so much as raising his voice, his voice holding a newfound tension coiled within.

"So you admit to being a sadist then." I teased, hoping to relieve some of the tension that had sudden enwrapped us, a soft scoff falling off his lips and nothing else.

An uneasy silence passed between us for many more moments as we both took in this new information, guilt settling heavy in my gut as I looked at my plate with disinterested eyes; any appetite that I had accumulated suddenly vanishing into thin air.

"Morning." Petra greeted as she approached the table with the other three in tow, each taking their seats with pensive faces.

"Did we interrupted something, Heichou?" Eld asked reluctantly, the captain shaking his head in response.

"No, but I have some unexpected business to conduct before we can get started for the day. Meet me by the Aerial Circuit when breakfast is over." He explained, standing from his seat and tucking his book away before his eyes landed back on me. "Best eat what you can, Valkihar. It's going to be a long day and I need you at your best today."

Reluctantly, picking up my fork, I took a small bite of my food and swallowed, hating how my bitterly my stomach churned in response. "Yes, Heichou."

It seemed enough to please him at least because he then excused himself from the table and headed for the doors, leaving the remnants of his own meal behind.

"How strange," Gunter muttered. "He never forgets to take his tray away; it kinda goes along the same lines of his obsessive cleaning thing."

"Celica," Petra called out softly, drawing my eyes towards her. "What just happened?"

I shrugged in response and refocused on my meal, propping my arm up on the table and leaning my head against my hand. Tapping the prongs of my fork softly against the plate in thought, I cast another glance towards the door, though I knew the captain was already well beyond sight by now.

"I don't really know anymore but, maybe there's some truth to Hanji's words after all."

* * *

**LEVI'S POV:**

On the way to Erwin's office, I found him in the hallway heading towards the mess hall.

"Morning, Levi." He greeted with a small smile, but I was not in the mood to return the polite greeting.

"We need to talk Erwin, privately." I groused, stopping directly in front of him and pinning him in his tracks.

"Well who spit in your tea this morning? Can't this wait?"

"Don't even joke about that, and no, it can't." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance, before relenting.

"Okay, come on then." I followed him towards one of the exits, no soul in sight in the early morning light of the outdoors where we were less likely to be overheard by prying ears. "What's on your mind?"

"Who approved to transfer a new cadet into Valkihar's previous squad?" I questioned, preferring to get straight down to business as usual.

"I did, why?"

"I agreed to a 'trial run' with her, nothing more! It hasn't even been a week Erwin, and it seems to me that this arrangement is becoming more permanent by the day."

"We need our ranks filled to their highest capacity with another expedition only days away and a squad needs at least four cadets under a leader's expertise to effectively function. Without filling that spot, the squad as a whole could suffer."

Textbook answers, that all I was getting out of him, which continued to fuel the growing frustration that was building up towards him always dodging my questions as of late.

"And you didn't think to inform me of this 'little' detail? Valkihar was ready to tear me a new one because she thought I was intentionally lying to her."

"About what?" Sighing heavily, I glanced back towards the direction of the mess hall, a muted chorus of voices being heard from beyond the walls.

"I told her she had a chance to going back depending on how things went. She hasn't exactly been quite fond of the idea of being stuck with us for the long term."

"If that's the case, you need to find a way to change her mind then."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!" I snapped. "I just gave that brat a relatively easy way out before hearing about the replacement! She was practically on the verge of tears when she told me and now you want me to convince her that this is a good thing?! If you haven't noticed, I'm far better at killing Titans than working social miracles."

"You can handle it; I know you can." He stated proudly, placing a hand on my shoulder before brushing past me. Shrugging off his hand and dusting off my jacket irritably, I shook my head at the ludicrous idea and muttered to myself.

"Great. Just  _fucking_  great."

* * *

**CELICA'S POV:**

Part of me resented myself for listening to the captain this morning and eating almost every morsel of my food, my stomach forming a complex array of knots during the harsh intensity of the training that he was putting us through, which left me eventually purging the contents into a nearby bush after only an hour and a half into the regimen. It shouldn't have surprised me though, knowing that his particular style of aerial combat may have looked easy, but it was only due to years of practice and experience that enabled him to execute it in such a flawless manner. Even Eld and Gunter, who had both been a part of his squad longer than the majority of us, still struggled with certain key aspects of the technique.

However, that small fact did little to soften the blow to my pride and confidence as I rinsed out my mouth with water and rejoined the others.

To my relief, the captain didn't give so much as an inkling of awareness to my sickness, all of us continuing our training until well into the afternoon. I guess it happened to everyone at one certain point in time, and with that, I was once again only a dime a dozen in such a case.

Left once again sore and exhausted by the end of our session, we were excused for the rest of the day for recovery since the expedition was closely approaching. There was still much to do before then, but most of the remaining preparation was left up to the individual instead, a small freedom that the captain had allowed for those seasoned with these types of missions which he considered us to be; not that I was complaining or anything.

If nothing else, it gave me the personal time that I desperately craved, time for reflection and quiet thoughts. Despite initially having Petra cooped up in our together, a comfortable silence overtook us as we each worked on our own agenda, she choosing to layout her expected load to ensure that she wasn't missing a single piece. The act itself easily took up almost the entirety of her side of the room, each item meticulously placed and inspected before ticking it off an imaginary checklist.

"How long are we supposed to be gone again?" I asked, Petra making a small sound in her throat before briefly looking up at me.

"Um, just about a week I think; something about resupplying the outposts that we've planted on the route toward Wall Maria." She stated before returning to her task at hand.

Glancing over at my hamper, I realized that I hadn't done laundry in a few days and that I'd need every set of uniforms I had if we were gonna be gone for so long. Upon changing into my only set of, relatively clean, casual clothes, I tossed today's uniform into the mix and headed to the communal laundry room with the clothes in tow.

The large room had seen better days, that was for sure. It smelled faintly of mildew and old blood from the innumerable sets of clothes washed in its vicinity over the years, the grout of the tile floor tinged a dark brown from all the dirt and body fluids. Sighing softly, I forced open a couple windows to help air out the place before setting my bag on an old rusted table by the wall.

"Please don't tell me you're actually gonna do your laundry in this filthy place." I heard a voice call out from the doorway, spotting the captain leaning against the frame with a disgusted look on his face.

"Last I checked, this was the only place that I  _could_."

"Not anymore." He stated, gesturing for me to follow him as he slipped back out the door.

I followed him back closer towards the officers' wing, where sat another laundry room hidden away from unsuspecting eyes that brandished white title floors so clean that I almost felt bad just for walking on them. The room was humid as if someone had finished washing not too long ago but the smell of mildew and mold was surprisingly absent.

"Moving up through the ranks can have a few perks, Valkihar;  _if_  you're willing to utilize them that is."

When I sat my bag down on the table this time, I was only met with shiny and polished metal, no rust in sight and no straining metallic groan from the extra weight.

"This place seems spotless." Were the only words that I could find, a faint smirk pulling at the captain's lips.

"Because the other officers know I won't hesitate to beat their asses for leaving unsightly messes behind."

I wasn't the least bit surprised by his comment, realizing that a clean freak like him would, of course, have a spotless place to do his laundry at the very least. However, I refused to dwell on the thought too much for whatever reason, feeling a faint heat rise to my cheek regardless.

"Thanks, I guess; for showing me this place I mean." His smirk only grew as a sliver of humor flashed briefly in his eyes, a strange yet captivating sight because it was the closest thing to a smile I had seen come from him yet.

"I admit though, I did have an ulterior motive for bringing you here." He stated, waltzing through the doorway to grab a small collection of uniforms from under the table and placing them next to my bag. Immediately noticing deep-set stains of dirt and speckles of blood, I realized that these were the clothes he had worn yesterday from our fight.

"Why does this not surprise me?" I deadpanned, sighing and dropping my shoulders.

"Because you're a fast learner." He retorted, reaching up to grab a few select boxes of detergent from the shelf above us and having to lean on the table for balance while tiptoeing for that extra inch that he needed.

I couldn't stop the soft snort that followed the repressed chuckle that brewed in my chest as I tried with futile efforts to cover the grin that pulled at my lips in amusement, dagger-like eyes glaring at me in response as he set the boxes on the table.

"Shut the fuck up brat." He growled under his breath.

"I didn't say a word, sh-sir." I stuttered through my grin, Hanji's preferred nickname threatening to slip past my lips. His glare only grew harsher from the trip-up although I could have sworn that the tips of his ears were dusted pink in embarrassment; it was kinda cute to see.

Wait, hold on; the captain... cute?! Nope, I definitely did not just think that; definitely  _not_. He'd murder me if that was the case.

"Right..." He drawled. "Just like I don't currently have half a mind to have you wash every uniform instead of just the one."

"I'm afraid there wouldn't be enough light left in the day to complete such a task if that truly was the case." I teased halfheartedly, deciding that perhaps I needed to stop pushing my luck while I was ahead. If he really wanted to, he could easily make the rest of my day absolute hell if given a real reason to.

"You'd find a way to get it done regardless." He stated, placing a hand on the detergents on the table. "These should work well enough. Use what you need but don't go crazy; they're expensive, and my preferred kind I might add."

"Fair enough."

With a subtle nod, the captain excused himself, teasing me as he left. "Try not to have too much fun while I'm gone."

"As if," I muttered quietly as he disappeared, running my hand over the soft fabric of the soiled uniform and inspecting the damage.

The stains of dirt and blood were set in every piece of the clothing, making me wonder why they had not been treated before now. I had never seen so much as a speck of dirt on any of the captain's uniforms except during field operations where the grime was entirely unavoidable, so it baffled me to a certain degree.

Filling up the basin with hot water and detergent, it took me a significant amount of time and effort to scrub the materials clean, the stains slowly lifting despite being just as stubborn as the man that they belonged to. Even when all remnants of dirt and filth were gone, after meticulously going over every inch of fabric, something still felt wrong about them.

The whites were pristine once more, the jacket was spotless as well, and the clothes smelled just like the detergent as expected, but it felt like there was something major that I was overlooking and it unnerved me. Sina knows what would happen if I handed these back to the captain with anything short of perfection, so I decided that perhaps they needed another once over, the fabrics being carefully rinsed and rung out once more before I hung them on the clothesline outside.

Cursing to myself, I realized that with the remaining amount of daylight in the sky, I would have been lucky to have the single uniform dry before the sun had set, let alone any of my own clothes. Muttering angrily, I gathered my own clothes and set them off to the side, choosing to forgo washing them until tomorrow where I would have ample time to complete the task.

I sat outside with the clothes, keeping a lazy eye on them as they dried to ensure that a rogue wind didn't carry them off over the hills. Leaning back onto the cool stone of the wall, my uneasiness from earlier lingered still, my mind wracking itself for what could have been the one missing piece that managed to elude my senses. By the time the captain came back to check up on the progress, I had resigned myself to whatever Fate had in store for me.

"I would have thought you would have started on your own clothes ages ago." He stated plainly, casting a glance down at me as he approached from the open doorway.

"They wouldn't dry by dusk so I'll have to do them tomorrow." He made a soft sound of acknowledgment at my comment before approaching the damp clothes to inspect them.

"Is that why you've got that constipated look on your face?" I scoffed lightly and shook my head, taking note of how it appeared that he had recently showered and changed clothes, the afternoon sun making his wet onyx hair glisten in the light as a few stray drops of water fell onto his loose grey shirt.

"It's not that. Just, something else that's on my mind; that's all."

"Well try not to think so hard sometimes; smoke will start pouring from your ears if you keep it up."

"Very funny." I deadpanned, curling my knees up me to my chest and crossing my arms over my knees to rest my head against them. "Thoughts?"

He made soft questioning noise in his throat, glancing back at me with a raised brow before returning his gaze back to the clothes, lithe fingers running across the damp fabrics.

"On the clothes?" I nodded my head, not that he could tell will his back turned to me. "I've seen worse."

"So much for that second run through," I muttered, feeling him turn his eyes back toward me as mine leveled with the ground in front of me.

"Why do you ask?" I shrugged, standing from my spot and walking up to catch a subtle whiff of the lingering detergent smell.

"They still don't smell right, I think."

"Well, what else are clothes supposed to smell like after being washed beside detergent?"

"I guess nothing," I said with a small sigh, that lingering feeling of uncertainty buzzing in the back of my head.

A litany of voices captured my attention from across the hillside, spotting Natasha, Francis, and Mikael walking and talking to a girl with blonde hair and dull blue eyes, an unimpressed expression cast across her features as they headed towards the main entrance.

"Is that the person they replaced you with?" The captain questioned, pulling my eyes back to him as he looked at me with an unreadable expression on his face. The afternoon sun lit up the specs of blue in his irises that I hadn't seen before, the color striking a stark contrast to the shade of the other girl's which caused a flurry of mixed emotions in my gut.

"I guess so. Apparently, her name's Caven." I felt the need to disclose, having to consciously release the fists at my sides and working my fingers of the remaining tension. "Not that I really care or anything."

I added with a mutter, turning away from the scene and back to my previous sitting spot.

"She looks like she's got some potential." He remarked casually, probably an automatic response spilling out while unaware of the newfound tension that brewed in my chest, my heart throbbing painfully.

"That's not exactly something I wanna hear at the moment, Heichou."

"Then perhaps you should let me finish." He retorted, glaring at me weakly. "I was about to say 'but nearly as much as you possess.'"

A wave of warm heat flowed over me from his words despite the doubts of sincerity lingering in my mind. "Is that a compliment I hear?"

"Yeah, just don't get used to it." He stated, abandoning the still drying linen to sit next to me against the wall.

"Trust me, I won't. Besides, it might be a little different if I actually believed you."

Surprisingly, the captain was silent for a few moments after that, something flickering in his eyes as he thought quietly. I half expected him to berate me from not taking his word as gospel but as of lately, he was full of surprises, always keeping me guessing to whatever was going through his head at any given time.

"You aren't confident in your own abilities?"

"Not exactly," I admitted, letting my words flow out without care to give me something else to focus on besides the ache in my chest. "I don't exactly have the same track record as the rest of you guys."

"Says the girl who managed to cut me with my own knife." He pointed out, absentmindedly running his thumb over the mark on his cheek.

"If you're expecting me to apologize for that, forget it."

"Did I say that?" He added. "Besides, it'll be healed in a couple days anyway. At least it was a clean cut so it won't scar, if that's what you're worried about."

"It's not, but... I was just lucky, that's all."

"Luck or not, that doesn't matter; you still did it. It's an accomplishment no matter how small you think it is, so own it already."

I briefly wondered why he was telling me all of this, bothering to hold to this certain conversation with me, but at the very least he wasn't completely shutting me down. If anything, it seemed that somewhere buried beneath that hard exterior, there might just be a relatable human just waiting to be noticed.

"You're allowed to be proud of the things you've achieved in life, even if that just means one more day in the sunlight."

I couldn't help but silently agree with his statement, silence falling between us once again, a more relaxed and comfortable feeling compared to any other time before. It felt like certain words that were said had lifted an unfamiliar weight from my shoulders that I didn't realize I was carrying until it was gone. I was content for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, letting go of a soft breath of air and relaxing into the stone behind me.

A gentle breeze shifted the clothes on the line, carrying with it the smell of grass and wildflowers as it enveloped us. The scent carried memories of home with it; a safety and peace that pierced through the turbulent storms of emotions within me. However, mixed somewhere within the wind, another, different scent appeared; milder yet incredibly distinct in its aroma of cinnamon and pine.

The familiar scent faded away almost as quickly as it had appeared, the breeze dying away and tamping down the curiosity building within; however, a quiet warmth remained in my chest, like a softly glowing candle in a corner of a dark room. I wondered from where I had remembered the scent before but came to no definite conclusion, the memory evading me for the time being.

Beside me, the captain eventually stood from his spot, brushing away the small speckles of dirt that had collected on his pants as he noted the fading afternoon light. Had it really gotten so late already?

"It's almost dinner; thinking about grabbing some  _decent_  tea beforehand." He stated from seemingly out of the blue, a perplexed expression surely finding its way to my face in response. "Care to join me?"

Coupled with the shock and mild confusion by his sudden offer, it took me a moment longer to respond that I would have preferred, my mind suddenly short-circuiting for an intelligent answer to give. "Why the sudden offer?"

"Honestly?" Trailing off, he left me patiently waiting for him to continue his thought, a pensive look etched into his face. "I'm not entirely sure; just for a change of pace perhaps?" He questioned openly, blue-grey eyes landing softly on mine, curious and inviting.

It didn't take much internal debate before I came to my conclusion, gently shaking my head in response. "Thanks but, maybe a later time?"

"I'll hold you to that, Valkihar." He assured before departing, the glowing warmth in my chest soon extinguishing away along with his presence, leaving me strangely cold despite the warm afternoon sun.

Awkwardly I sat there, wondering where this sudden feeling could possibly have come from and why it had appeared in the first place, only to find the usual hollow emptiness that remained in its absence; lonely and aching.

"I know you will, Heichou. I'll count on that much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS. I guess I'm updating rather regularly, considering it's been a week since I last posted. Hopefully, I can keep turning out chapters for you all to enjoy at a steady pace while keeping the current quality of my content, if not exceeding it, which is never a bad thing. Thank you again for reading this far, and I'll see you all again later (Please don't hate me for the way I ended this chapter).
> 
> PPS: If you find any careless mistakes, please don't be afraid to message me about them. It kills me to find them at a later date.


	13. High Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day of the expedition brings with it a few troubles. Who knew one could feel alone in a crowded room, let alone on the never-ending plains beyond the Walls?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 8th of October, 2018. 
> 
> Hey, guys! I'm sorry I didn't get this chapter up any soon than today. I've been working so much that I actually got some decent overtime and I've been too exhausted to do much of anything. Anyways, let keep this train rolling on because there is so much more to read...

**CELICA'S POV:**

That night, and the night that followed, my dreams haunted me well into the waking hours; a surrounding darkness revolving around this sudden newcomer who dwelled within that space of hazy obscurity that managed to yield off the impending void before it could swallow us both whole. When they spoke, I could hear their words but not their voice, the sound fading out like a mear whisper in my ears that too became too indistinguishable to render an identity to. However, somehow, they felt familiar to me, easier to talk to than anyone beyond the realms of dreams as a faint scent drifted in and out during our meaningless talks, comforting and subtle within their presence.

Both mornings I awoke gradually, slowly as my eyes blinked to take in the new dawn's light, a feeling of refreshment washing over me that felt strange compared to the innumerable days that I would awake still just as exhausted and drained as when I fell into bed. My gratefulness on the second morning would only last so long, however, realizing that there was minimal time between then and the time I had to be packed and ready with my horse down in the fields before we marched towards Wall Rose.

After quickly checking to ensure that I had everything packed that I needed, I made my way downstairs to find the rest of the squad already in the mess hall and halfway through their meal.

"Why didn't you wake me, Petra?" I asked curiously, taking my 'normal' seat next to the captain after snatching an apple and a piece of toast from the breakfast line, polishing the shiny red skin against my jacket sleeve before bothering to take a bite.

"I woke up earlier than I expected and you looked like you were having a decent dream, so I thought it best not to wake you." She said in a casual tone, then taking a sip of her cooling mug of coffee as my brows furrowed into a slightly embarrassed look, wondering exactly what kind of face I had been making but not having the courage to openly ask about it in front of the others.

"Oh." Was my only reply as I took another bite of fruit, already feeling the sticky juice begin to coat my lips and wiping the edge of my mouth with my thumb as nonchalantly as I could.

Beside me, the captain made a muffled noise of mild disgust, his trademark click of his tongue reaching my ears as I actively tried to not roll my eyes at the sound.

"Disgusting." He muttered, still leaned back in his chair, not even having enough decency to put away his book while the rest of us sat at the table. "At least wipe your mouth properly brat."

Through my flicker of annoyance, I reached over and stole away the napkin which was sitting beneath his teacup, receiving a harsh glare for what I had imagined as the thought of 'dirt and sticky' fingers touching his drink before using it to clean up the edges of my mouth.

"Better,  _Heichou_?" I questioned sarcastically, not missing how one of the man's brows twitched with irritation from the way I had addressed him, picking up his teacup and running a handkerchief along the rim where I had grabbed it before stashing away the cloth.

"Just don't touch my cup again if you prefer keeping your hand firmly attached." He groused before taking a sip, glaring at me once more before returning to his book.

Geez, must be a real page-turner, I thought since he had refused to put it down yet, casually flipping to another page not long after. Or perhaps he was just in a foul mood this morning and the book was his way of ensuring not to take it out the first unsuspecting victim. If that was the case, perhaps I ought to have been grateful to only receive a glare in response besides a few curt words.

A tap on the opposite shoulder brought my attention away from the brooding captain and towards Auruo, of all people, leaning in just enough to whisper in hushed tones. "Best be on your P's and Q's today, Greenhorn. I'd rather not be around for you to test his patience right before we head for the walls."

Ignoring the sneer towards my experience, I couldn't help but wonder why Auruo would be concerned about such a thing, this being the first decent thing to come from his mouth since I had met the man.

"Speaking from experience, Auruo?" I jabbed back, Petra piping up just enough to hear over the dull roar of the mess hall's chatter.

"We'll explain it later."

Sighing softly, we all resigned ourselves to finish our food before leaving to grab our gear and heading towards the stables.

"Petra, what did you mean back there, at the table?" I asked when the two of us had finally gotten out of earshot of the others.

She let out a soft and gentle sigh, a remorse disposition taking over her features and body language as her eyes fell just the slightest degree.

"Levi Heichou is always a little more... tense, than usual right before an expedition, just like anyone else; so I'm not surprised that he's in one of his famous moods. Granted, he won't bother doing anything while we're on mission or just before either, but that doesn't mean that antagonizing him won't come back to bite you in the ass later."

"Let me guess, someone found out the hard way." She nodded her head as we slipped into the armory to secure our maneuvering gear.

"Yep, Auruo; but that was back when he and I had just transferred into his squad, and he's managed to not make a repeat of that incident since then."

"What happened?"

"If you really want to know, ask Auruo. He wouldn't tell anyone, not even me, what happened. In all honesty, though, I'm not sure I wanna know. But from my standpoint, I wouldn't go openly trying to antagonize him right before a mission."

"Alright, I'll consider myself warned then," I stated as we crossed the threshold into the armory, heading to my usual locker only to find it completely empty. "What the hell?"

"Celica, over here," Petra called from her own locker, already in the process of attaching her gear. "Looks like it's official."

"What is?" I asked curiously, moving towards her as she pointed towards a shiny new brass plaquette attached to the locker next to hers.

* * *

_Valkihar, Celica_

_Special Operations Squad_

* * *

My heart stopped in my throat as I read the plaquette, trailing the tips of my fingers along the dull edges to ensure that it wasn't just a hallucination, smudges appearing in place which solidified its realness in my mind. The metal was cold against my skin, sending shivers running up my arms and down my spine as I felt a heavy weight descended upon my shoulders.

It was official alright, I thought to myself, as official as it could get without a full-blown ceremony; which I sincerely hoped would never come. Officially dead were my dreams of somehow just slipping back into my regular life, my comfort zone, and back into a squad of obscurity where higher-ups left us alone for the most part. Officially dead were my hopes of just skirting by in life without a bigger worry than that of the Titans beyond our walls. Officially, my fate was sealed and there was nothing else I could do to change that besides outright dying.

The truth was, however, I wanted to say that I felt a piece of me died on the inside upon seeing the small brass plaquette. Instead, though, I felt my heart beat in my chest and a breath of warmth enter my lungs, a feeling of pride surging through my veins. Only six people in total were branded with a position on the "Special Operations Squad" and I was one of those select individuals, but despite this, my stomach turned in disgust.

"I don't deserve it, you know," I pointed out in a voice that was barely above a whisper, opening my locker and grabbing my gear just so I could stop looking at my hazy reflection in the shiny metal.

"Do you really think that?" Petra asked, also in a quieter voice as she finished strapping the last pieces into place.

I gave a slight nod as I focused on my own gear, hastily clipping it into place before checking over it for any loose straps. "Yeah, I do."

"Why?" Petra's eyes turned downcast as she asked her question, a thoughtful look appearing on her face while waiting for my answer.

I ran through all the different reasons I had come up with over the past week or so, quietly deliberating in my head only to find them less than logical for an argument. It wasn't a feeling that I could properly label at the moment, but the constant feelings of anxiety and self-depreciation never seemed to wane, a lingering thought in very back of my mind as I went through my days as of late no matter how many times I tried to find the bright side of things and talk myself out of my funk.

In the end, the only words I could form in response were, "I'm nothing like you guys.", feeling that shrinking feeling of inferiority washing over me as I retightened my straps with uneasy hands.

Petra's face fell after hearing my words, a soft disheartened sigh barely being heard over the sounds of the bustling armory around us.

"Can I be straight with you?" She asked after a moment of stillness, and with my silent permission, she continued. "When Levi Heichou initially invited me into the squad, I thought that I was dreaming, a good dream but nonetheless a dream. A month or so in, I still couldn't quite keep up with Eld and Gunter; I felt like a failure because I hadn't grown in the ways that I had that I would, but things never quite work out in the ways we expect.

"Where I saw a failure to progress, the captain saw a means of strength to dust myself off and keep going; resilience. He saw the potential of what I could be if given the chance, and here I stand; a proud member of our squad, stronger and prouder than I ever could be on my own.

"I know you weren't brought in under the most normal of circumstances but none of that matters now. You're one of us now, and you'll eventually grow into your potential if you give  _yourself_  the chance to. If Levi Heichou believes that, then so will I, and I hope you will too."

Listening to Petra, the guilty feeling that I felt bubbling up within slowly started seeping away, the faintest of smiles pulling at my lips. She was right and I knew it, but I never was a fan of huge change and I knew it would take time for her words to fully sink in. Regardless, it was nice to have someone else believe in me for a change.

Maybe it was time for me to attempt to turn over a new leaf and fully accept my situation and just roll with it. I mean, what else could I really do, honestly?

"Thanks, Petra. I think I needed to hear that."

With a soft smile, Petra shut her locker and motioned for me to follow her. "Come on, we'll be late if we keep it up."

* * *

A few hours later, we had finally charged through the gates of Wall Rose in Trost District and into Titan country, galloping across the far-reaching plains while keeping our eyes out for any suspicious movement or obvious Titan threats. Luckily, the Garrison soldiers atop the wall made our departure run much more smoothly as they dispatched Titans that massed at the gate right before we left. Thanks to that, we managed to reach the outskirts of the town just beyond the wall with no casualties, which I was grateful for.

There was no worse omen for a failing mission than losing people straight out of the gate and I doubt my confidence would remain untouched for the meanwhile otherwise.

Our squad was placed closer to the front of the formation where the captain could quickly and easily take cues from the commander if needed while every now and then ordering one of us to send up a colored flare into the blue sky; green for the direction of travel, red for Titans, Black for abnormals. Counting the six that had already been fired, I was relieved by the fact that all had been green up until now.

No sooner had that thought passed through my head did I see a red flare being shot directly ahead of us, Erwin having fired the round.

"Shit, it's too close to avoid." I heard the captain mutter, my pulse studdering in my veins when I saw the Titan directly ahead of us peer over the top of the hill and then three more being drawn in from either side. "It's showtime guys. Valkihar, Auruo, take care of the two on the right. Petra, Eld, the one of the left. Erwin's guys should have the one directly ahead."

Without fail, the sounds of firing anchors were heard as two of the commander's private group shot off their horses, finding their grip in the trees as they gassed towards the enclosing Titan.

"Don't do anything stupid and make it clean."

"Roger!" Auruo, Petra and Eld shouted before leaping from the horses and firing off in their appointed directions, me following Auruo closely as we flew towards our targets.

"You think you can handle one by yourself, Greenhorn? Or would you rather take one at a time?" Auruo questioned arrogantly.

Shaking off my desire to throw out my own rebuttal, I measured out the distance between the two Titans and the formation right before they started charging for us in a full sprint, wide eyes falling onto both us as hungry groans sounded from the moving lumps of flesh.

"There's no time to debate. Split up and we'll take one each before they reach the formation." That was all that Auruo needed to hear before he gassed ahead of me and towards the Titan on the left, which left me with the right one.

Empty and dull eyes transfixed themselves onto me as I circled around it, it's large body slowly turning in attempts to follow my movements. There was no point to using flashy maneuvers to get my kill, skirting along the tops of the grass until I lined myself up with the center of its back and fired my anchors into the flesh of its shoulder. Just as I thought, the large body continued to turn and I gassed forward to fly across its shoulders before it could lift its hand to grab me, digging my blades into the weak spot of the nape and rendering the flesh away in one stroke.

As the body began to fall to the ground, my eyes found Auruo as he too sliced the nape off of his Titan, attached firmly to its flesh as he coasted the fall down onto its back while I braced against a tree to keep from hitting the ground.

"Tch, I've seen better." I could feel the corner of my mouth twitch up into irritation, glaring at the man weakly.

"I killed the damn thing, what else matters?" Just as he was going to answer, I held up my hand to stop him. "Actually, no. Don't answer that. We need to get back."

Whistling for my horse, she came prancing upon along with Auruo's, presumably following close behind us along the flight. We quickly mounted and headed back towards the formation at full speed, slipping back into our spots right behind the captain, Petra and Eld merging back in as well only a few moments later.

"Any injuries?" The captain barked.

"None, sir," Petra responded with cheeks flushed from the apparent wind speed.

"Good." Was his only response, his eyes still transfixed directly ahead of us; unmoving and focused.

As we rode along, we kept the same routine, for the most part, occasionally being dispatched to clear away incoming Titans before they could penetrate the formation, Auruo and I taking out a few more groups together.

Drifting around one Titan in particular, we learned a little too late that it was an abnormal that we were dealing with as it bypassed both of us and continued heading straight for the formation.

"Damn it." I heard Auruo curse, quickly turning around and triggering his gas to catch up with the monster. I doubled back with him, remaining low while Auruo took full height and went in for the kill. With anchors dug into its nape, it suddenly changed direction, its drooling maw opening wide right in front of him.

In a flash of panic, I grabbed my readied flare gun and aimed, colored smoke trailing behind the head of the round as it landed in the Titan's open mouth. Apparently, the monster didn't fancy the taste much as it made a choking sound and closed its mouth. In the spread of the smoke, I heard Auruo make a pained groan and watched as he tumbled out of the haze and over the reaching hand of the Titan.

With the beast blinded, I didn't think twice about latching my anchors into its flesh and cutting it's Achilles heel while in mid-swing and following my momentum up, putting me even with its weak spot.

In one final swipe, it was over, the mass of limp flesh falling to the ground in a slowly thickening cloud of steam.

Rolling into my fall into the dirt, I could feel my heart pounding away within my ribcage, a mildly surprised look of shock on Auruo's face. "What the hell was that, brat?!"

"It's called saving your ass. I would've thought you'd be a little grateful at the very least." I spat, dusting over my clothes and willing my heart rate to return to normal.

"GRATEFUL?! You blinded me too, you idiot!" He seethed, stalking up to me with clenched fists.

"You're  _alive_  though! I took a risk and it paid off,  _sue_  me!" I argued, begrudgingly whistling for my horse, half tempted to leave his ass where he stood. "If you expect me to just stand by and hope you pull something out of your ass to save yourself, then you're wrong; not even on your  _miserable_  existence."

An unfamiliar emotion passed through Auruo's eyes, flickering out quickly like a snuffed candle, furrowing brows digging deeper into the hard lines on his face.

"Let's just get back to the others already." He muttered, climbing back onto his stead.

* * *

Around late afternoon, we arrived at our first checkpoint on the route to Wall Maria, a small cluster of houses on the outskirts of a town off to the East. The location had been used as an outpost for our regular excursions for about four years now, various nonperishable supplies being used and restocked during trips to help lighten the load along the way. There were a few times where a couple squads would remain here as the rest continued on to help keep the route back maintained and as safe as possible and keep our losses to a minimum.

After so many missions, I could say that it was a small safe haven beyond the walls despite having to clear a few wandering Titans in the area before we bunked down for the night.

"I'm still surprised that this place remains standing every time we come back here," I noted to Petra, who was tying down her horse next to mine in a nearby stable that we had built not long after deciding to make it a regular stop along our path.

"I guess Titans really don't care about villages and towns if there aren't any people in them."

"I guess so."

After accountability of our formation, we luckily to found out that everyone was accounted for, with not a single loss so far into the end of the first day. It was a small victory considering that we risked our necks everytime we stepped foot out of the walls, but there had been plenty of times where we had reached this point with our casualty list already a dozen or more long, the memory turning my stomach sour.

Despite that, however, it growled at the thought of sitting down for a decent meal, the only sustenance available during the trip so far being a few crackers that I forced myself to eat while we stopped every so often to stretch our legs after the prolonged strain of riding.

I might have thought that one of the perks of moving up in the ranks was being able to eat and sleep under a solid roof instead of a tent if it wasn't for the captain's obsessive need for the place to be spotless before anything else. Of course, for his convenience alone I swore, there was always a handful of brooms lying around the compound for us to use so there was no way of avoiding the cleaning spree.

While Petra, the captain, and I cleaned, the other three set out for a brief stint of hunting, bringing back a few rabbits for dinner. Even though we had brought more rations with us on the cargo wagons, I couldn't disagree with the captain's idea of having some fresh meat as part of our dinner, considering how rare meat was nowadays. Either way, I was more than eager to dig in when the food was ready, my stomach finally sated after a series of lackluster meals into the mess hall.

The conversation at dinner was kept to a minimum while we were gathered around a small fire, too busy focusing on the freshly roasted rabbit to care about much else as the sun begun to set off in the distance.

"Looks like the last vigilance shift is coming to a close soon." Gunter pointed out as he reclined back on his hands, his meal long gone as it settled.

"Looks like it." The captain agreed, casually sipping a cup of tea from an old tree stump slightly further back from the fire. "But I still wouldn't count our chickens before they hatch. Titans will still be out roaming for a couple hours after the sun sets."

"We should be able to feel them coming before they get too close though, right Heichou?" Petra added, looking up at the captain who gave her nonchalant shrug in response as I tossed the bony remanents of my meal into the flames.

"Yeah, I guess."

If the conversation continued after that point, I was oblivious to it, losing all other focus as my eyes watched the dancing flames of the fire; hypnotic and oddly calming. The smoldering embers glowing brightly at the base of the flames, warm waves of heat rolling off them to ward off the cooling air of the evening. It was almost downright cozy even as I watched the small animal bones turn black in the flames, eventually breaking into tiny splinters with sharp cracks that mingled in with the fires own natural sounds.

Glancing over to the minimal stack of firewood left, I stood from my seat on the ground and dusted off my pants.

"Going somewhere, Celica?" Gunter asked curiously, a few more sets of eyes including his own flickering over to me.

"Just gonna go get some more firewood. I shouldn't be too long."

"Hold up," Petra stated, tossing her own set of animal bones into the flames before attempting to stand. "I'll come with you."

"It's okay. I'll be fine." I offered, waving a warding hand in her direction. She paused for a moment, a perplexed expression on her face before she slowly moved back into her previous position.

"You sure?" She asked cautiously, receiving a small nod from me in response.

"I'm sure."

The warmth of the fire quickly faded from my skin as I trekked towards the small gathering of trees about a quarter mile from the town, the setting sun casting a dull orange glow across the landscape. There was plenty of small fallen branches for me to pick up to use for our firewood but first I decided to take a moment to manually climb up on of the taller trees on the edge of the gathering, finding small footholds in the chipping bark and feeling the rough edges dig into the skin of my fingers and palms.

Many moments of red and sore hands and a dull ache in my muscles later, I exhaled a heavy breath as I cast my eyes over the plains and the small town we would bunk down in for the night. The soldiers all looked like tiny ants from my vantage point, scurrying along from one point to another, some eating and drinking our squad while others were hard at work moving crates or sacks between buildings. Looking at them, I felt as if I was within and without, being able to pick out my place among with like a faded ghost while also being grounded in my place completely apart from them, solid but lacking something.

It was a bittersweet feeling to have, to be content in loneliness and separation while also knowingly being apart of a bigger group and wanting to fit in just like another cog in the machine. Though I was reassured that I had a place in this complex construction of coordination, it couldn't stop the hollow ache in my chest that bloomed at the thought of not really fitting in anywhere else; caught in the in-between and left to slip through the cracks.

If I wasn't confident in my ability to take care of myself if needed, I might have been a little more perturbed by the idea.

"The black sheep of the flock." I thought aloud, the metaphor clicking into place suddenly. "That's what this feels like."

"Join the club, Greenhorn." A male voice from below called out. Looking down, it was Auruo who was standing at the base of the tree lightly glaring at me.

"The  _fuck_  are you doing here?" I spat lowly, my grated nerves sparking anew from his presence alone.

"Easy there, I come in peace." He stated, holding his hand up in surrender. "Room enough for one more fat-ass without that limb breaking?"

"If you're trying to be nice you're doing a shitty job of doing so." I snapped, returning his glare as he started climbing the tree regardlessly.

"Shut up. It's been a long day." He huffed, eventually joining me on the thick branch to overlook the town below. "But the view makes it worth it, I think." He continued, a light pant filtering between his words as he spoke.

"The only place where we can watch the sunset unhindered by the Walls." I agreed reluctantly, the statement holding a bitter twang on my tongue.

"Why are you here?" I asked again, calmer this time, slightly surprised by Auruo's response.

"To say 'Thanks', I guess." He spoke, his voice also calmer, softer than his usual way of speaking. "I guess being lucky has its perks; if you hadn't of done anything, I probably wouldn't still be alive so... Thanks."

He ducked his head lower, out of embarrassment or submission, I couldn't tell. "Don't mention it. Seriously."

"Works for me."

Both of us were silent for a while, taking in the last light of the day as the sun dipped beyond the horizon, the orange light filtering into a softer purple. With the true purpose of my escape gone, I summoned my courage to speak again, a particular question weighing heavily on my mind since the first day I met the man.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did." He taunted lightheartedly, with no real bite or irritation in his voice.

"Why do act like that? Like the captain?" Just as he was about to spew his denial, I cut him off. "And don't go pulling this "I do not" bullshit. Everyone can see it. It's not a subtle thing, you know?"

Auruo let out a quiet breath, his shoulders falling as he crossed his arms. "Honestly, who wouldn't?"

"Are you serious?" I deadpanned, disgust creeping up into my facial features.

"Yes, I am." Letting out my own sigh, I pinched my mouth shut long enough for his to justify his reasoning. "Just look at him. He's the pride of the Corp, he doesn't take any shit from anyone, he's fast, he's strong... He's never been seriously injured by a fight and manages to protect us the best he can, and for the most part, he does it extremely well. He's capable of so much, could have any woman he wants, and no one else will bat an eye towards anyone else."

"So that's it..." It suddenly dawned on me, despite the same trivial things that I heard spoke about the man on a regular basis as of lately. "You want to be like him, to impress someone. To impress your crush?"

Arching an eyebrow up at him, I saw his face flush pink as a smirk pulled at my lips. "Nailed it right on the head, didn't I?"

"Fuck you." He spat with obvious embarrassment.

"How about never." I shot back, my smirk never faltering. "So who's the unlucky dame to be swept up in his  _wonderful_  charm?" I asked, the sarcasm thick in my voice.

"As if I'm telling you that." I shrugged gently, not really caring if he actually gave me a truthful response.

"Whatever, but... Have you ever thought that your facade might actually drive her away one day?" Auruo snorted in response, his arrogance showing through his body language again.

"I highly doubt it. In fact, she's actually paid more attention as of lately because of it."

"If you say so," I muttered softly, leaning against the cooling bark of the tree. "But say you do will her over like that, you can't keep it up forever. It's hard enough behind yourself sometimes and trying to act like someone else is far more exhausting in my opinion."

"How would you?" He grimaced, a sullen expression making my face fall, an empty pang in my chest causing it to ache subtly.

"Because everyone has a mask that they like to hide behind, to keep up appearances at the very least. Eventually, the mask falls and people will start to see you for the real you. It always happens, even if we try not to let that happen."

A pensive look wandering into Auruo's eyes, his hackles lowering slowly as he thought.

"That's actually a pretty deep thing to say, Celica. I didn't expect that from you."

"Yeah, well there's a lot you guys still don't know about me."

Hearing a sudden rustle beneath us, my eyes darted down to spot Petra down below. "Hey, guys! Heichou sent me to come looking for you; you've been gone a while!"

"We're coming, we're coming," Auruo muttered, turning his back to me to start his descent down the tree. "Oi, Greenhorn."

"What?" I snapped, turning to see him clinging to the limb of the tree.

"None of this leaves the two us, got it?"

With that, he was gone, hearing Petra yelling for us again down at the ground, the two bickering like children all the way down.

"You don't have to tell me twice."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this wraps up another chapter. Hopefully, I'll have the next one out within the next week or so (two weeks at the very most, I promise). CIAO FOR NOW!


	14. Won't You Let Your Guard Down?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has nightmares right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 8th of November, 2018.
> 
> Hey, everyone! I'm so sorry that it took forever to post up this chapter. I've been pulling overtime at work for the past three weeks and have been stressed out of my mind. I'm just relieved that I can finally post again and hopefully it won't take nearly as long for the next update.

**CELICA'S POV:**

The sight of blood and flesh coupled with a female's scream of despair and anguish made me jolt upwards from my pallet. The sudden transition into consciousness sent a surge of vertigo through me, causing me to instinctually curl up to keep the churning sensations at bay. A thin sheen of sweat clung grotesquely to my skin and the air around me felt much too thick. It was hard to breathe, my breaths coming out in shallow and harsh pants as my eyes darted in every direction to catch the impending danger.

But there was none to be found.

Beside me, Petra continued to sleep soundly on the only bed in the room, her soft breaths never breaking rhythm. My pulse still thrummed harshly through my veins, a dull roar in my ears and buzzing beneath my skin. Gently pulling away from my blanket, I padded out of our room, the soft creak of the hinge echoing in the stillness of the night.

Through the darkness of our dwelling place, I was grateful for the small size of the house, quietly moving just down the short hallway. It was eerily quiet save for the sound of my pulse still beating loudly in my ears. Peeked through the door of the room where Auruo, Gunter, and Eld were all sleeping, all equally dead to the world as they remained undisturbed, I took a steadying breath to steady my nerves and closed the door back.

"It was just a nightmare after all," I told myself, rubbing my eyes to feel where moisture had unknowingly collected at the edges. "Just a bad dream."

Just before I resigned myself to allow the tears to fall freely down my face, my eyes caught the dim flicker of light moving around the corner, flinching harshly as the captain appeared, candle in hand. His eyes widened minutely, a far cry from being as surprised as me in the dark hallway.

"What the hell are you doing up, Valkihar?" He asked lowly with a dull edge in his voice, his eyes darting from me to the door where the men where sleeping soundly just beyond it. "Don't tell me you're trying to sneak in the guys' room."

"Not even close, sir." I deadpanned.

I seriously hoped that he had intended that to be a joke, but otherwise, I didn't have enough energy to retort to his remark, gently shaking my head as I rubbed my straining eyes.

"It was just a false alarm, Heichou. My bad."

An inquisitive look passed over his features briefly, raising the light just a little to get a better view of my face before lowering it again.

"Something woke you up then?"

I nodded silently, hoping to simply ignore him and retreat back to my room. Just as I brushed past him, a cold hand seized around my wrist. His firm yet surprisingly gently grip stopped me in my tracks as a shiver ran up my spine. Looking up to glare at him weakly, my brittle voice betrayed the anxiety still flowing through my veins.

"With all due respect sir, I..."

"You're trembling." He interjected, quick and to the point.

Heat flushed my skin, his touch nearly burning me before I yanked my hand away and softly rubbed my wrist in hopes to smear away any remnants of the contact.

"I'm fine." I snapped, voice still lowered to ensure not to wake the others from their slumber.

"Bullshit. What's wrong?"

I had expected to feel anger or frustration from his retort, but instead, felt something else entirely. I wasn't quite sure if my sleepiness had caused me to mishear him or not, until he asked it again, this time in a much more gentle but insistent tone.

"Valkihar, what's wrong?"

There was no mistaking the blatant concern in his voice, my stomach somersaulting in my gut in response as a soft heat crept up my face towards my cheeks. I cursed myself for even debating actually telling him that it was only a bad dream that woke me up, but the words fell from my lips before I could think to stop them.

"It was just a nightmare, sir. Nothing more." I admitted, guilt settling in my bones. "I'll be fine once I calm down."

His expression didn't change much but his shoulders did drop a little as he let out a soft exasperated breath, gesturing for me to follow him wordlessly.

Leading me into the living room, he pulled out an extra chair at the table where he had apparently been seated, a cup of steaming tea and a book laid out on the surface. Silently and reluctantly, I took the seat and soon the sounds of clinking tableware and pouring liquid resounded in the air around me.

He was... making me a cup of tea?

A few moments passed with only silence, my eyes focused on the wringing hands in my lap with nothing else to pull my attention away. As if the situation didn't already feel awkward enough, the captain's lack of input or opinion worked on my frayed nerves more than another potential conversation that could be had.

That was until he returned to the table, steaming cup of tea in hand, and gently sat in down in front of me with a low thump against the wood.

"Need to talk about it?" He asked quietly, retaking his seat.

He kept his eyes low; out of respect or indifference, I really couldn't tell. However, it was pretty obvious that I wasn't too keen on looking him in the eye either; not when I felt obligated to spill my guts to him because he too felt obligated to ask.

"Not really, especially since you don't  _actually_  want to know. _Please..._  don't patronize me."

In the dim light, I could him work his jaw methodically, tense for a moment before he reached for his own cup and took a sip from it.

"And what if I'm  _actually,_  genuinely, concerned?"

His eyes flickered up to meet mine with no sense of degradation or belittling being held within mercury colored irises. Sighing softly, I accepted the fact that he was, in fact, trying to be nice and dropped the irritated retort that laid on my tongue in response if I felt that he was bullshitting me.

"Then I would hope that you'd forgive me if I'm not exactly in a sharing mood tonight," I muttered, my heavy eyes transfixed on the surface of the darkening liquid in my cup. "Besides, I can't really remember any details anymore about it. Too worked up to care, I guess."

"Fair enough." He took another sip of his tea, soon glancing over the brim at me with pensive eyes. "It's not poisoned if that's what you're thinking."

Giving him an incredulous look, it then dawned on me that I hadn't taken a single drink of the tea he had made for me. It's not like I asked him to make one in the first place.

"I think I'm just trying to figure out why you even bothered making it for me, that's all," I admitted, feeling completely out of place sitting alone with the man in the dark.

Civil conversation with the captain was still a new concept to me as of late and lately, it seemed that it was getting easier to talk to him. However, that didn't mean that I wanted to talk with him about certain things.

The whole thing with the transfer and replacement, that was one thing. My personal nightmares and demons were another entirely.

"If I remember correctly, you promised to sit down with me for a cup of tea at a later time; well, it's later, and honestly, I thought it might help."

That's right, I did promise him, and he held me to it just as he said he would. He was consistent, at the very least.

"Then... thank you, I guess," I muttered softly, still unwilling to look him directly in the eye.

"You're welcome."

Finally taking a sip of my drink, I recognized it as the same type of tea that we drank the first night we met and when he sent Petra up to fetch me the following morning. Full-bodied, flavorful, and naturally sweet to the taste; much better than anything else I could find in the mess hall by far.

A small noise escaped my throat as the tea coated my tongue, a smirk rising to the captain's lips when I realized that that small moan had come from me, my cheeks flushing.

"That good, huh?" He teased, a soft huff from his lips serving as a sign of a broken off chuckle.

"Shut up." I snapped gently, hiding behind the rim of my cup. His eyes narrow slightly from my outburst, the mirth in them suddenly dissipating, making my skin burn hot under his gaze. "S-sorry, sir."

He sighed and gently shook his head, a ghost of a smirk returning to his face as he stood from his chair. "Tch, what am I ever gonna do with you?" He teased again, refilling his own cup and choosing to lean against the countertop, the look on his face suddenly turning dark and brooding in the flickering shadows of the low light.

"Does it happen often, your nightmares?"

It was a pensive question, one that I wasn't all too sure if it had surprised me or not. A casual shrug of my shoulders signaled my feigned indifference as I gently breathed in the steam wafting from my cup, setting the drink silently down on the table with my fingers still curled gently around the warm porcelain.

"Not really..." I stated softly, the lie slipping off my lips without much thought or care as my eyes drifted up to meet his, dark and yet inviting in our small moment of privacy and seclusion. "Would it really make much difference otherwise?"

Seconds seemed to fraction into minutes, into hours almost, during that single moment of time that it took for him to respond; a natural swallow becoming much more forced due to the slow building anxiety in my veins. I searched his eyes for any hint towards whatever thought was brewing behind them at the time, finding absolutely nothing to latch onto in the end, which only made the building thrum beneath my skin intensify with each lingering moment of deafening silence.

"I'm not sure," He finally spoke with downcast eyes, gently biting his lower lip in thought before releasing it to take another sip of his tea. "Just thought I would ask."

Relief washed through me, a calm and gently wave that slowly seeped from my chest and outwards throughout the rest of my body. I let out a small breath I didn't realize that I was holding, forcing my fingers to relax against my cup again and realizing how hot my skin had become in that small window of time. Dry with a subtle burning across my fingers and palms.

"I can't exactly help you though unless you're completely honest with me."

I had let my guard down, so when he spoke again, it felt like needles prickling the nape of my neck and trailing down along my arms and upper back. Eyes flicked up to meet mine, colder than before, his gaze bristled my skin like a rough abrasion.

"Even though I don't recall asking for such help?"

It resembled more a statement than an actual question, a harsh and biting snap of a warning to remind me, as well as him, to keep some distance away; mentally or emotionally if nothing else. He was becoming easier to talk to and the thought genuinely scared me. In this little crevice of existence hidden away and otherwise completely alone together, although any words spoken aloud carried with them a heavier weight, it was the words that were left unspoken that held infinitely more than any other.

I couldn't let him in, he already knew way too much. But, against my better judgment, eagerly and desperately, part of me really wanted to.

Despite how harshly the words fell from my lips, the captain didn't seem to phase in the slightest, a look of indifference assuring that his mask was set firmly into place. However, in his eyes, I briefly saw what I could only describe as 'disappointment', a subtle sadness that shone in the light's reflection off steel grey irises.

"Tonight, you can pick one of the two choices I'm giving you; after you finish your tea of course." He spoke in a firmer, but equally quiet voice, the sound of authority pouring off his words. It almost made me completely forget about the fact that he was basically avoiding my last comment altogether.

"Those choices being...?" I drawled out, curiosity getting the better of me.

"Option one- you can go back to your pallet and try to sleep on your own terms." With a brief nod of understanding, he soon continued, albeit more hesitantly than before. "Or... option two- you can sleep in here on the couch instead. If you started having another nightmare, I'd be here and alert enough to wake you if need be."

Although he sounded like the captain I had grown accustomed to, it felt as if his body had betrayed his own voice, the almost-nervous sound clashing with the harsh lines on his face that were emphasized by the stretching shadows of the dim candlelight. The pained expression that emerged across his face made my heart constrict in a confusing manner, aching subtly in my ribcage for reasons unknown.

I had to consciously remind myself to blink to break the wide-eyed stare of disbelief, shaking my head lightly and casting my eyes back down to my drink where my hands once again held a near death grip on the cup. Outside thoughts slowly began to trickle in, each more incredulous than the last.

He actually might give a shit after all. No, that can't be right. What happened to rude, crude, and absolutely insufferable? That was only a few days ago. What changed?  _What changed?_  Has he always been like this? When did he start being so... decent? Even the look in his eyes changed. Less resentful and more... captivating.

What. No. Stop. Not that. Don't start thinking like that. He's your superior and you resent him. Right? And he resents you. Right?  _Right?_  Actually, I'm not so sure anymore, but...

"Why?" I choked out softly, grateful that my voice didn't sound as strained as the raging whirlpool of thoughts that were swimming in my head. It was the only word that I could force past my lips, a foreign emotion brewing quietly beneath the warm and flushed skin and sweaty palms.

His eyes darted back down to his teacup as he hung his head, a silent debate glimmering through the dark orbs; thoughtful and intriguing.

"Because we've all been there, and it's a rather shitty thing to experience without having someone to rely on close by." He whispered, almost to himself, as if he was having to convince himself instead of me of his reasoning. To justify where the sudden idea had come seemingly out nowhere.

I soaked in his words, mulling over them for any and all meanings, typically over analyzing anything and everything that poured from his lips. But he was still such an enigma to me, something so much larger than life, and the closeness still felt strange to a degree; let alone than most days, I found small things about him to be irritated over.

But it was moments like this, locked away in conversation or meaningless silence, that he appeared ordinary and almost like anyone else. Brief glimpses past the mask despite being in constant danger beyond the safety of the walls.

He was only human, I told myself. Humans breathed, ate, slept. They dreamt, both good and bad. Why would the captain be any different in that way?

"So... even you? You have nightmares?"

My voice was quiet, even compared to our muted whispers and hushed words, a faint fear lingering in my veins. It was a personal question, that much I did understand. What I didn't understand, however, was my sudden curiosity to learn more about him. I wanted him to answer but didn't expect it, knowing that he was still a solitary creature like myself.

Perhaps, I was overstepping my boundaries, noting the strange emotion that flickers over his shadowed features. He looked tired, more so than usual, the bags of his eyes becoming more prominent in the dim light. His lips moved to speak but he closed them again briefly, obviously struggling to find the right words.

His voice mirrored my own tone, soft and quiet and secretive. As if he never dared to utter the confession towards anyone else before.

"Yeah, but I manage; learned to cope."

I tore my eyes away from his, unable to keep that dark and brazen stare. Not when his eyes shone like liquid mercury, vulnerable for once. I glared over to the couch, thinking that it was probably meant to be his sleeping place for the night since all other beds and such were already preoccupied with the other members of the squad. There was still quite a few hours of darkness left and we both would need the rest for tomorrow.

"Where would you sleep then?"

He gestured towards his chair nonchalantly as if it was already the most obvious answer to my question. "I sleep just as well in a chair than anywhere else."

I narrowed my eyes at him, glaring weakly in disbelief of his statement. Bare wooden chairs did little to offer a decent night sleep, that much I knew for certain.

A half-hearted chuckle slipped past his lips, the corners tilting up briefly in a barely there smile. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

I took his words with a grain of salt, choosing to finish my drink as I thought, the silence slipping between us again with nothing else besides the occasional sound of the flickering candle as the melted wax began to slowly run down the side of the stick soundlessly.

Running my thumb over the brim of the cup, completely smooth and unblemished to the touch, I wondered why it was that the tea tasted so sweet as another sip coated my tongue.

"Sugar?" I thought out a loud, the captain humming softly from his spot by the counter in question. "It's really sweet, did you add sugar?" I clarified, casting my gaze back to him as he shook his head gently.

"Honey. Only slightly less difficult to get a hand on than sugar but enough to sate the occasional sweet tooth."

The response brought a small smile to my lips though I didn't completely understand why, a quiet chuckle brewing in my throat.

"Something funny?" He asked warily, brows furrowing curiously. It was amazing to see the various emotions that his face showed when least expected. I was learning that he showed much more than I had thought before, the sudden burst of confidence coming from the fact that I was beginning to understand how to read him better now that the mask had slowly begun to slip.

It was my turn to shake my head, my smile not yet fading as it lingered persistently on my lips. "It's nothing, sir."

Though he let it slide without another word, I could tell that he didn't believe me as he took another sip of his drink. His expression returned to both brooding and pensive, his debate tucking quietly away for the meantime.

When I realized my cup was empty at last, I felt dishearted to my surprise, the warmth that flowed through my chest keeping my disappointment at bay for the moment. There would be another time surely I could relish in another cup of tea with him, I thought, wondering in the back of my mind why I was already looking forward to it.

I brushed it off with the reasoning behind good tea, but besides that, the captain's company wasn't all that bad at all. In fact, for once, it had been nice. I realized then that I would have to go back sleep soon enough before that time would come again the nightmare striking afresh in my mind from the single thought.

Anxiousness replaced the comfortable warmth that had settled deep in my bones and I became genuinely fearful for the possibility of waking from such horrors again. Alone out of fear of inconvenience.

Though it was obvious that I was beginning to turn a new leaf with the captain, I didn't worry nearly as much as inconveniencing him with such small details. He had done more than his share of causing me added grief and stress, so an eye for an eye seemed justly at the moment.

"I... I think I might actually take the couch tonight, sir; since you offered." I stated meekly, suddenly embarrassed at the thought of running to this man for any semblance of comfort and protection, even if it was only for one night's worth of bad dreams. Because in all actuality, that's exactly what I was doing; no matter how badly I tried to believe otherwise.

"Go ahead. I'm not gonna stop you either way."

Nodding my head subtly, I went to silently retrieve my blanket from the room, curling up tightly within in as I laid down on the soft felt surface. Though I immediately shut my eyes in hopes of drifting away quickly, they slipped open at the sounds of the captain gathering my cup from the table and rinsing it out.

"Sorry," I muttered, the apology slipping out from habit when I realized that that should have been the first thing that I had done before anything else.

"It's fine." He replied quietly and without bite, surprising me that he had managed to hear me through the muffle of fabric that collected at my chin. "Get some sleep."

Shifting slightly, I forced out a calming breath and closed my eyes again, the soft couch allowing me to relax much faster than any pallet on a cold floor would have.

"'Night, Heichou."

The words drawled out of politeness even though I was already in a state somewhere between wakefulness and sleep, sounding soft and slightly slurred to my dulled senses.

"Goodnight, Valkihar." The tender words were what had finally caused me to slip under, a dull echo in my mind that carried through into dreamland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I AM SO SORRY that this took forever to put up! Originally this was supposed to have Levi's point of view as well but I thought that you guys had waited long enough for some sort of update. I'm sorry that it's short but hopefully, I'll have a better update for you guys next time. Until then... CIAO FOR NOW!


	15. Show Me Your True Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi knows better than anyone that no one is without their moments of weakness and lowered guard, but he's unsure of what to make of Celica anymore, as well as what his exact thoughts are about her. For Celica though, after slowly beginning to accept her place in the squad, an unwanted face appears to exchange a few words, words that bother Celica for a few reasons, and none of them at all comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of the 16th of November, 2018.
> 
> Hey everyone! Finally, the next chapter for WMAB is up! I'm glad to say that this one is about the usual length as the others, so that pleases me. Thank you by the way for all the love and support from your guys! It really means a lot to me.

**LEVI'S POV:**

Sleep was a rare thing for myself. I had come to terms with that years ago. Despite its necessity, I knew that I would have been lucky to get maybe three hours; especially beyond the walls. However, I didn't expect to find another soul awake in the dead hours of the night along with myself.

Valkihar was awake. A subtle look of fear etched itself into her face, quietly trembling from the shock of whatever dream had awakened her.

She was brash, as usual. But that was to be expected. She had not disappointed me in that aspect yet. However, my disappointment laid elsewhere even as she fell back asleep on the couch, her soft breaths being the only sound reverberating through the still night air.

Even while she was knocked out, cold to the world, I could barely make out the furrowed brows beneath the mop of dark hair that threatened to overtake her face. She did not drift off into a restful sleep as I had hoped. She slept as if she was scared.

Scared of the monsters in her head instead of the ones just beyond the next morning's light.

I didn't know what bizarre emotion it was that pulled me from my seat and towards the sleeping girl only to brush the locks of hair out of her face. My hand froze as she groaned softly and pulled the blankets tighter around her form, the air in my lungs stilling for a brief moment before I cautiously let it out.

In the dim moonlight that strewed through the thick panes of a glass window, I thought to myself how childlike she looked like that. Curled up tightly as she loosely clung to a couch pillow, her face finally relaxing as she drifted even further away from wakefulness. Almost like a doll, serene and peaceful.

"Hopefully Hanji will have found a way to fix it for you by now." The quiet reminder of her torn keepsake tugging softly at my chest, a twinge of an ache that settled soon enough before being forced away.

It was daunting to think that something so small could change so much about a person. It was too obvious that something was missing now, seeing how easily her hair moved to cover her face as she slept. It didn't suit her to hide like that. It didn't suit her at all.

Tucking a few last strands of loose hair behind her ear, I felt my shoulders drop as I sighed softly, content. Almost unsettlingly so.

Before I could get too comfortable, upon retreating back to the table, I grabbed my cloak off the back of the chair and wrapped it around my shoulders. Leaning back into my seat, eventually slept crept up to claim me sometime between then and dawn.

Just before the first hint of morning light began to breach the windows, I stirred from the cradle of my arms on the table. Groaning softly, I rubbed to eyes to help clear the last remnants of sleep and focus them.

The first thing that I noticed was that a blanket had been draped across my shoulders on top of my cloak, the fabric still warm from its user's body heat. The next thing that I noticed was that Valkihar missing from the couch.

In her place was a single blanket folded neatly and placed on the cushions. Looking around the empty room around me, curiosity set in as I rose from my chair and headed towards the hallway, tugging the blanket tightly around my shoulders.

I checked both of the rooms where the other four resided, only to find them still asleep and Valkihar still nowhere in sight. Taking a shallow breath, I retreated back to the main room, where the abandoned blanket seemed to mock me.

She wasn't in the house. How did she slip out without waking me?

Stepping outside the house, the air was cold and brisk, flickers of morning dew shining dimly in the grass. A dark set of footprints, where the dew had been disturbed, led away from the house and it did little to quell the brewing anxiety in my stomach.

Attempting to follow the trail, my eyes soon caught another path, one that seemed to encircle a good portion of the house. The footsteps stopped at windows that adjoined with the two rooms that the other soldiers were sleeping in before trailing off back into town. An unsettling feel turned in my stomach before a faint clink of metal sounded off in the distance, drawing me in the direction of our abandoned campfire from yesterday.

Tiny flickers of light led me to Valkihar, who looked to be setting up a morning fire, a coffee canister and a few tankards set nearby as she sparked the kindle.

Sighing softly, I let out a soft breath, quelling the anxiety that was beginning to brew within.

Immediately, Valkihar's head shot up with a soft gasp, her eyes darting to mine, wide like a deer caught in the torchlight.

"Good morning, sir." She called softly, relaxing her shoulders as she attempted to strike the kindle again.

"Morning." The greeting fell off my lips without thought, approaching her as the smells of damp earth and burnt flint hit my nose.

How long had she been out here? It couldn't have been too long since she hadn't managed to get the fire started yet.

"You're up early," I remarked, watching as tiny sparks flew off the flint as she struck it repeatedly with growing frustration.

"No earlier than usual." She gritted out, her grip on the flint tightening slightly as each flick of spark failed to catch and she became visibly agitated.

"Having trouble?"

Letting out a disgruntled noise, she let her hands drop harshly to her lap before flicking the loose hair out of her eyes. "I was hoping to get the fire going before the cold could set in, so I didn't bother bringing the blanket out. Now I'm freezing with  _nothing_  to show for it." She grumbled.

Shrugging off the blanket without a second thought, I held it out for her, her eyes widening just a fraction in response. "Trade?"

With a soft nod of her head after a brief moment of deliberation, she took the blanket from me and handed me the flint. One strike of it was enough to make the kindle catch flame and Valkihar let out another disgruntled noise.

"Show off." She muttered softly, wrapping the blanket around herself.

"Not my fault if it seems that you've forgotten how to start a fire. A small thank you might be nice though."

Whatever firey retort she had come to seemed to die on her lips, a more humble expression appearing on her face, her voice shrinking along with the rest of her disposition. "Thank you, Heichou."

"You're welcome." Once the fire grew to the proper size, Valkihar set up the coffee to brew, the soft heat rolling off the flames helping to chase the morning chill away. "Sleep any better?"

Her eyes that had silently and continuously regarded me until then darted down towards the base of the fire, brooding and dark. "Well enough. You?"

I shrugged, rubbing my hands gently to spread the warmth evenly across my skin. "I slept. That's good enough for me."

Across the fire from me, Valkihar tucked her hair behind her ear and buried the lower half of her face in the blanket as it wrapped around her shoulders and the tops of her knees as they curled up to her chest. More questions lingered on my tongue but I chose to enjoy the comfortable silence between us for the moment instead.

That didn't stop my mind from continuing to wonder, however, not realizing until then how differently she had begun to carry herself since the loss of a simple piece of cloth. Sure, she fought with the windblown and messy locks from time to time, but it was times like this that I noticed that she had started to hide behind the curtains. Head kept low, eyes downcast.

She didn't resemble the strong girl whom I had been willing to readily accept into the squad. Instead, she just looked like lost and confused child, and I felt my pride take a blow because of that.

I caused this, I thought. Part of this is my fault.

The sharp whistle of the kettle broke me from my train of thought, the dark aroma drifting in the morning air as Valkihar gingerly reached out and began to pour the dark liquid into a couple of tankards. Purposely avoiding accidentally touching her as I took the offered drink, I held the cup in both hands to allow the warmth to seep into my frigid hands since the fire apparently hadn't done the trick due to the cold and damp morning weather.

"I know it's not your usual black tea but I figured that it would be better than nothing." She stated softly, seeming almost bashful in her tone, keeping her eyes low as she spoke.

Cautiously, I took a sip out of politeness since I rarely partook in coffee for my morning beverage. Instead of finding the overwhelming bitterness I had expected, the drink was relatively decent despite the lack of creamer or sugar. The bitterness still lingered, but the rich smell helped to offset the initial thought of disgust that had swum in my head up until then.

She was right, it wasn't my usual, but it would do.

"It's fine," I reassured her, but she kept the same downcast look on her face. "You did well."

A brief smile moved to her lips, a new light entering her eyes which made my skin flush warm.

"Thank you." As quickly as it appeared though, the smile disappeared, hidden behind her tankard as she drank her own coffee. "I probably need to wake the others while there's still a relatively full pot."

"That's probably a good idea." Without much hesitation, she rose from her spot, taking her cup with her as she shuffled past me and back towards the house.

My eyes followed her for a moment before turning back to the fire, my fingers tapping rhythmically along the side of the cup.

Was it just me, or was she acting a bit strange this morning?

Brushing it off as a mixture of exhaustion and poor sleep, I chose not to dwell on the thought for too long. As long as she perked up throughout the day, there wasn't any reason for worry.

* * *

**CELICA'S POV:**

Ignoring the warm buzzing in my veins as I walked back to the house, I couldn't help but steal one last glance behind me, seeing the captain hunched over by the fire as he slowly sipped on his drink and lightly shaking my head once I saw him revert back to his usual method of holding his cups, a small smirk pulling at my lips.

At least that bit about him hadn't suddenly decided to change as well.

It was awkward to see him attempt to be civil with me, borderline nice even. But we were beyond the walls now, so it made since we couldn't afford to have it out like we usually did at a time like this. Still, there was a part of me that still felt uncomfortable about the whole thing, no matter how absurd its reasoning was.

Back in the house, I loudly knocked on the guys' door first, waiting a few seconds before cracking the door and telling them to wake up with the promise of coffee at the last night's firepit. With a small chorus of sleepy groans, I took it as a positive sign and went back to Petra and I's room, shaking her gently to wake her up.

With a soft snort and a sleepy groan, her eyes pried open, her hands immediately coming up to rub the sleep out of them. "Morning."

"Morning. Coffee's brewed and waiting at the fire pit."

"Okay," She responded, mid-yawn. "How long have you been up? I didn't even hear you earlier."

I thought about what to say to her and whether I should pass it off that I hadn't left the room all night or not. I wasn't sure what her response would have been to find out that I had slept on the couch in the main room instead.

"A while." I decided on, nicely safe and ambiguous enough for her to hopefully not pick up on after just waking up.

Setting my cup aside for the moment, I rifled through my pack a moment to find a brush, quickly running it through my hair to help straighten out the mess of tangles it still had in it.

"Has your hair always been that long?" Petra groaned wearily, sitting up in the bed and stretching.

Twirling the longest pieces of hair between my fingers away from their spot on my shoulder, I shrugged gently, nonchalantly. "I guess so. Thinking about cutting it though, since it keeps getting in my eyes now."

"No, don't do that." She protested, patting the edge of the bed next to her. "Come here, and bring your brush too."

Grabbing my coffee in the other hand, I sat on the edge of the bed as instructed without much thought, Petra taking the brush from me so that she could run it through my hair again.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously, wondering what she had planned as she began to section of various lengths of hair.

"What does it look like? I'm gonna braid it for you." She stated matter-of-factly.

"Why?" I questioned, my voice turning up with slight bewilderment.

"Because once you cut it, it will take forever to grow out again. And with the seasons turning colder lately, you'll want the extra warmth on your neck. Trust me." I opened up my mouth to speak, turning to look back at her before she forced me to look straight forward again, her grip on my hair tightening. "Relax, I've done this plenty of times, and I'm only braiding the pieces that keep falling in your face."

Sighing heavily, I let her do as she wished, taking another drink of coffee to help keep my mouth shut as she worked. Her fingers moved nimbly around each section of hair, tucking a few more pieces into place as she went. She worked quickly but efficiently, securing the last bits of hair together with a small clasp that she grabbed off of the nightstand next to her.

"Finished." She announced, her hands falling from the ends of my hair.

Gently running my fingers across the surface of my hair, I felt each flowing twist and turn it took, grateful that my bangs could now stay out of my line of sight. "Thanks, Petra."

"No prob. Now I gotta hurry up and get dressed, otherwise, the guys are gonna drink all the coffee by the time we get outside."

"True."

Grabbing my cloak and replacing the blanket still wrapped around my shoulders with it, I headed back towards the door. I stopped in my tracks and had to back up when I caught a glimpse of myself in the small mirror placed in the bedroom on the vanity, the glimpse causing a sense of curiosity to stir in my stomach.

Petra had managed to pull back nearly ever strands of hair away from the edges of my face, the braids flowing along the side of my head and rejoining in the back into one and leaving the rest to hang naturally beneath it. It didn't look half bad, I would have to admit, and this way it kept my field of vision open and I didn't have to constantly move my bangs to see.

It was strange to see such a small but drastic change to my look, a younger almost more innocent appearance cast in my reflection. If it weren't for the dark edges beneath my eyes and the military uniform, I would have thought I had looked back in time to when I was barely sixteen again.

Despite the ache forming in my chest from memories past, a smile pulled at a corner of my mouth. Depending on how it held up during the day, I might just keep it like this for a while, I thought as I pulled my hood over my head and headed back outside.

* * *

Shortly after our coffee, with the sun finally breaking past and above the horizon, we grabbed our gear and headed out on horseback again. We only had maybe two or three more days max before we had to start turning back towards the walls so it was imperative that covered as much ground as possible in that time.

With hope, we might be able to get three-fourths of the way to Wall Maria before we had to turn back, pushing a little farther each day so that one of these days, we would have a complete and protected path back to Shiganshina.

We rode for hours through the open plains, the number of Titan encounters slowly increasing in duration the further we rode into open Titan-country. The encounters so far weren't anything that we couldn't handle, especially our squad in particular, but at the rate that we kept running into unavoidable battles, the exertion was starting to do a number on our bodies.

"This is crazy," Eld muttered into his canteen before taking a swallow of water from it.

The formation had stopped just long enough to rest and water our horses and before long, we would have to ride out again. But until then, the rest of the squad and I decided to stretch our legs and converse while the captain disappeared to probably go talk with the Commander about our progress.

"What do you mean exactly?" I asked, curious about what possibly could have crawled underneath Eld's easy-going facade.

"Titans are coming out of the woodwork today. I would have expected this the closer we got to Wall Maria. But here, barely past a quarter of the way there, definitely not."

"It is kinda strange. Almost as if the Commander isn't trying to avoid the Titans anymore. We're just trying to barrel right through them instead." Gunter agreed, a somber look on his face as his eyes roamed the edges of the plains.

"At this rate, we'll lose half of our force by the time it's time to turn around. We might not even make it as far we were hoping either." Auruo pointed out, Petra glaring at him weakly in response.

"Don't say stuff like that. You don't wanna go and jinx us so early, do you?" Auruo only grunted absently-mindedly in response, brushing off Petra's nagging.

"I'm sure there's a reason for it," I stated, trying to stay relatively neutral in the discussion. Sure, the added intensity and duration of our quarrels with the Titans were starting to wear us down, but the Commander wouldn't have weighed the risks before choosing what to do next. At least, I was sure that he would have.

Off the distance, a set of voices raised above the quiet murmurs and whispers of the rest of the formation, two female and two male which I recognized all but one. I could pick out Natasha's, Francis', and Mikael's voices, leaving me to assume the other female voice belonged to "Caven".

With my eyes following the direction of the outburst, my eyes fell a blonde female that wandered through the open crowd. Dull blue eyes found me, pinning me in place as she approached with an annoyed look on her face.

"Celica, right?"

Her voice was stringent, firm, and to the point, the sound alone drawing an uneasy ripple down my spine. "You can call me Valkihar, but yeah. You're Caven, right?"

She nodded her head curtly, a sense of superiority pouring off of her like an over-inflated ego. "Is there any way I steal a moment of your time?"

Glancing at the others' slightly bewildered and curious looks, as much as I hated having to force a conversation between me and her, one on one at that, logic dictated that a simple talk wouldn't do any harm. Well, besides the painful resentment I felt to her just on principle alone.

"I guess," I sighed out with disdain. "Just make it quick."

With another nod, she headed off and away from the masses as I stole one last unsure glance back the perturbed squad. I was grateful to not be the only one uncomfortable with her sudden desire for contact with me, the other's faces each mimicking a different emotion that I felt stirring in my gut.

Unsure, questioning, and uneasy expressions.

"So, how are you adjusting?"

It was an awkward question, forced out of politeness and hope that this conversation would be a short one.

"Hmph, been in better spots before honestly. I'm glad that you found your way to a better setup, though. Those idiots in your previous squad would only drag you down."

Bewilderment was the only emotion left churning away, suddenly shoving away all others through the sheer shock of her blatant words. "Excuse me?"

"I mean... you've done well for yourself, moving up in the ranks and all. You seem better off." She brushed off casually.

"No. I meant about what you just said about Natasha, Francis, and Mikael." I ground out, anger flaring in my veins.

"Oh, that. Well, I call it as I see it." She stated plainly. "Those guys are only good for Titan fodder. I'll be surprised if they even make it back to the wall. Honestly, how the hell did you put up with them for so long?"

My anger seethed, burning hot beneath my skin. I already didn't like this chick, even if the reasons were superficial at best, but to go insult Natasha and the others like that, I wanted nothing more than to wipe that condescending look off of her face.

Sure, they could be annoying sometimes, just like anyone else, but I doubt she cared to know them well enough to learn to deal with them. She wasn't the one who went through three years of Academy training with them. She wasn't there to make sure they made it back at the end of every expedition up until now.

She wasn't there, but I was. I knew these guys. Respected their will and drive if nothing else. Hell, there were plenty of days where I would get my ass handed to me, despite those days surfacing less and less as time passed on.

But that didn't matter anymore.

Still, where did she get off on talking so low of someone like that? She was stuck in the same boat, same life, the same world as the rest of us.

And it was her belligerent arrogance that pissed me off more than anything else, more than Auruo's; and even more than the captain's own ego.

"What's with that look?" She teased. "Did I strike a nerve?"

"Don't you have anything better to do than antagonize me?" I growled, taking a precautionary step back and crossing my arms with a glare so that I didn't outright punch the bitch just because she was within arm's reach.

"Antagonize? As if, that's not my intention." She stated. "I just figured that now that you're moving on to bigger and better things, we might be able to relate a little."

Her words honestly through me for a loop, confusion pulling at my features. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You can't honestly say, look back at the time you spent with those morons, that it was all enjoyable." She deadpanned, her dull blue eyes narrowing in my direction. "I've heard the stories Valkihar, about how closed off you were with them despite spending the better part of four years with them practically every day. They weren't ones you'd call 'friends', right? And I can see why.

"They're relatively unimpressive people. Ones who's existence won't be remembered by the time this war finally comes to a close.

"At less, not all of us are like that though."

"Is there a point to this shit or not?" I bit out, my patience wearing thinner and thinner the longer she went on talking. She opened her mouth to continue speaking but closed it again, her eyes narrowing even further at me in an open glare; challenging me.

"You had it right, you know? Not bothering to waste energy on people who won't stay around long. I follow a similar outlook on life, you see. Maybe you need to take your own advice though, Miss Sentimental."

I wanted nothing more than to just lay into her, a seemingly endless number of retorts and insult laying on the tip of my tongue to cut her with. Instead, I kept my next words clipped and to the point.

"How about you just try to focus on the mission and see where that takes you instead of worrying about me." Caven's eyes narrowed slightly at my response as if she was expecting a different reaction than the one she was given. "Now if you don't mind, it looks like we're about to head out again soon."

Surely enough, a small flurry of officers began mounting their horses and regathering their men, yelling out various orders along the way. Caven's nose scrunched up in distaste, glaring in the direction of Natasha and the others.

"So it seems. Well, it was a  _pleasure_  to officially meet you, _Celica._ " She taunted, her voice coated thickly in a layer of sarcasm.

"Likewise," I growled, glaring back at her as she turned and left in the direction she had come from.

Retreating back to my squad, I heard Eld let out a soft whistle before tilting his head curiously.

"She seems... charming?" He questioned apprehensively, looking down at my brooding expression.

"She's a bitch," I muttered, releasing the fists that had unconsciously formed at my side. "I hope she gets eaten."

"CELICA!" Petra admonished.

"What?! It's true!" I argued. "Where the fuck does she get off saying any of that shit to my face? I mean, fucking honestly?!"

Burying my face in a hand in exasperation, I let out a harsh breath to hopefully cool by boiling blood, unable to ignore the inquisitive expressions boring into me from the others. "Shouldn't we find the captain and get going already? The rest of the formation's regrouping."

"Good idea," Eld stated, grabbing the reins of his horse to mount as the rest of us followed suit and merged into our proper spot within the formation.

* * *

A few hours of riding later, dusk was only a couple hours away as we arrived in a section of old, forgotten farmland. There was only a small house and a couple barns left standing in the middle of nowhere, which meant that the vast majority of us would be bunking down in our individual tents.

While setting up in our decided semi-circle in a not too far distance from the farmhouse, where the Commander and other officers decided to set up the head of operations at, and despite the amount of time I had to clear my mind after the interaction with Caven earlier, I could still feel the simmering of my blood beneath my skin. I needed an outlet, away from the others, then maybe I could finally be able to calm down.

"So who's hunting for dinner tonight?" Auruo asked loudly as his stomach let out a low growl.

"I'll go," I stated quickly, thinking that it might spawn the opportunity to cool my head before I could really snap on anyone. Although there wasn't much need for my direct input since we had started setting up camp, I knew that sooner or later I would be forced to socialize with the group until we slept.

And honestly, even under normal circumstances, it was quite a taxing endeavor; comes with being a natural introvert I had guessed. Plus the fact that I was still pissed about the whole Caven thing did little to ease the burden. If anything, it would only make it worse.

"Not by yourself though." The captain admonished from the open flap of his tent. Whether it was the years of experience that allowed him to put it up so easily or not, he still made it look way too damn easy. "Especially since we haven't had the chance to survey how many Titans still remain in the area."

"Well, no shit," I muttered beneath my breath, sulking a little when I received a sharp glare from the captain that told me that he had caught my words after all. "What about you, Petra?"

I asked, hoping to divert the uncomfortable glare away by ignoring it.

"I would but I'm not exactly the best when it comes to hunting. Dad always took care of that stuff for us."

"You suck," I grumbled, looking to Eld, Auruo, and Gunter. "Guys?"

"Don't look at us," Gunter replied, still fixated on trying to set up his tent.

"Yeah, we went last night. It's someone else's turn." Eld pointed out, Auruo nodding his head in agreement.

To my annoyance, my eyes moved then to the captain who's steely blue eyes locked with mine, a thoughtful, if not annoyed look etched on his face.

"Spoiled fucking brats," He groused with a heavy sigh, reaching deeper into his tent to grab his gear. "Valkihar and I will go hunting for dinner. The rest of you finish setting up camp while we're gone."

 _What fucking luck_ , I thought sarcastically, internally groaning at the fact that the others had basically abandoned me to this fate, despite my initial enthusiasm. Now I would be stuck alone with the one man in existence who could pull out every snappy retort and snark without even trying on the one occasion that I was trying to keep a reign on my attitude.

As we left camp, I prayed to whatever deity there was out there that the captain would be in one of his 'fuck off and leave me alone' moods during this hunting trip. Considering my run of luck though, I didn't bother to pray too hard, knowing eventually he would try to talk to me to possibly figure out what was wrong.

Thing was, he didn't; at least, at first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you guys think, and as usual, I'll see y'all in the next chapter. CIAO FOR NOW!


	16. Reconcile with the Heart, and Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Celica still upset after her 'talk' with Caven, Levi eventually pulls a confession out of her about why she's acting so strangely. And when all things seemed wrapped up for a 'job well done', Celica finds herself in a very conflicting situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised/added as of the 26th of November, 2018. 
> 
> Hello everyone, and welcome back. I'm glad that I finally have another chapter to post for you all. Now just sit back, relax, and let the drama and temptation filter through your fan-ish hearts. LOL

**LEVI'S POV:**

Roughly an hour and a half after Valkihar and I found a suitable spot to beginning 'hunting' for dinner, which was a surprisingly large sized grove nestled a couple miles from our makeshift base of operations, Valkihar groaned along with a harsh sigh after managing to chase off another animal before we could we could move in for the kill, the bushy tail of a fox flickering tauntingly behind it as it ran. At this rate, we would end up going back empty handed with only a handful of rations to sate our hunger, and I would be damned if we had put it all this effort only to turn up with absolutely nothing.

"Mind enlightening me on why you so eagerly offered to come hunting when clearly you have no valuable experience on the subject?" Another, more frustrated, groan slipped past her lips, her furrowed brows setting deep, hard lines into her face which were beginning to shadow in the late afternoon sunlight.

"I have my reasons." She growled lowly, a terse expression set in place as she dusted off her uniform in exasperation. "From my standpoint though, you aren't exactly helping that much either, _sir_."

"You're too damn impatient." I retorted, returning the open glare in my direction. "If you weren't, then maybe we could have bagged something by now and be on our way back to camp."

Snorting softly through her nose, she crossed her arms as she looked off in the last known direction of the running fox, muttering beneath her breath, "Like I said, not helping."

If it wasn't for the fact that we were still in open Titan country, I would have had half a mind to leave her on her own for a while to hopefully bring something back on my own. But that wasn't an option at the moment, especially since we would be losing daylight in the next couple hours or so. We needed results, and fast if we didn't want to go back empty handed.

"Look, at this point, we can either cut our losses and deal with the rations tonight, or you can cut the shit attitude and we actually work together to bring something back."

The only response she gave was a huff of breath coupled with a bitter pout that pulled at her lips, tense muscles twitching irritatedly just beneath her uniform. She finally cut her eyes back to me, no less hard in their intensity but with a subtle look of acceptance swimming within them.

Taking the look for what it was worth, I sighed and brushed past her, deciding to head deeper into the grove before soft footsteps eventually started following behind me. Glancing back, I was relieved that it wasn't my imagination playing tricks on me, Valkihar following begrudgingly but silently with her pensive eyes trained low.

The trees gathered closer together the farther we wandered in, steadily increasing to the acceptable and 'normal range' of roughly forty-five feet. Small sounds of disturbance drifted through the air, the flap of a bird's wings, the occasional chatter of a few squirrels, the frantic thumps of a running rabbit. It seemed that our chances faired just a little better in this area.

Looking towards the canopy, some of the lower limbs seemed thick enough to hold our weight, the idea of returning to a better-known territory for the hunt piquing my interest.

"If we survey from up high, we might be able to spot a decently sized animal and drop down for the kill before it can detect us." Valkihar voiced quietly, appearing to finally attempt to use her head instead of blinding chasing her prey.

"Think you could stay balanced while moving without using your gear?" Shooting me a perplexed look, I could see the sudden apprehension in her eyes at the idea of moving up high without any real assistance.

"I figured that you would want to camp and wait for something to wander close," She stated with a subtle waver in her voice.

"Yeah, but not here. We need an area with a bit more traffic coming through it so that we can find something worth bringing back for all of us." I pointed out, eyes scanning through the trees. "But using our gear will only cause unneeded noise and we run the risk of scaring off our prey. These things aren't exactly made for stealth, you know. And if we stay on the ground, who knows what we'll run into without being able to spot it first."

She too looked up towards the canopy, the unsure expression of indecisiveness only growing the longer she stared up at the branches. "If I had known we would be free running through the limbs I would have suggested that we leave our gear back at with the horses."

"That's not an option." I quickly reminded her. "We may not have come across any Titans yet but that doesn't mean that we won't. We can't risk it."

"And the added height could give us an advantage say we were to come across one." She added with a dishearted sigh.

"Exactly. And if nothing else, just think of this as a private lesson in self-resilience. Having gear to help you will also be a huge plus when it comes to a fight, but faced with a challenge where using it becomes impossible, it's preferable that you learn to adapt without sacrificing efficiency."

A strained smirk pulled at her mouth, a soft chuckle of disbelief falling from her lips as she absentmindedly kicked the toe of her boot into the dirt. "Hmph, honestly, sir; please don't tell me that you actually believe the bullshit that just came out of your mouth." She jeered.

"Maybe but... it's an eye for an eye. Bullshit for bullshit. You chose to be difficult, so, I can be difficult right back."

She worked her jaw for a brief moment in thought, completely exasperated before letting out a heavy sigh of defeat, her back and shoulders straightening as she shuffled towards a tree. "Well then, we best get climbing." She muttered, cautiously testing out her grip and footing against the bark before beginning to slowly climb.

Letting out my own sigh of frustration, I rolled my head and shoulders, feeling a couple pops in the joints before approaching the same tree, silently wondering if this tedious banter would continue well into the evening.

The rough bark bit into the skin of my hands where callouses hadn't yet formed but my mind too was preoccupied on Valkihar's rushed movements to worry about any discomfort. Although she did eventually give in, she was still being defiant in all the small ways that she thought that she could get away with. Hell, I was still letting her get away with more than I should have, knowing that if anyone would have openly challenged me in the ways that she had, they would have ended up ass-over-head on the ground and more than likely a little black and blue.

However, as much as it caused a conflict of interests within myself, I knew that I could only hold so much contempt for a girl whom I had helped rip away from her usual way of life, throwing her head first into something completely new, only to find out that the majority of what I thought I had known about her had been wrong upon actually interacting with her.

The calm, collected, methodical soldier I thought she was turned out to be a hot-headed and brash, if not emotional, regular female. Defiant but resilient if nothing else, and it was her defiance seemingly towards life itself that could subtly be seen through the way she clung to the tree bark out of sheer will alone as her footing slipped and broke off small pieces of bark, her lithe body dangling freely for a split agonizing moment.

She recovered without much fuss but as I continued watching her as we climbed, and then promptly started maneuvering through the sturdier branches of the canopy, I came to the conclusion that something had to be eating at her; there had to be. She hadn't really been herself all day and the glossed over look of distracted thought through most of the evening made my stomach clench, feeling it suddenly drop to the ground when she stumbled on a branch and had to reorient herself via a flail of her arms.

She was a walking disaster waiting to happen, and if something didn't give soon, the stress this brat was giving me just by being around me would sooner put me in an early grave than a Titan would.

Coming upon a small clearing, I held up my hand silently to stop her when I noticed a small watering hole near the edge. "This looks like a decent spot to pause and see what comes around," I whispered, only to be shot with another perplexed, if not annoyed, look by Valkihar.

"Seems deserted to me." She sneered, contempt pouring off her words as she took in the obvious absence of any animals in the immediate area.

"It's a water source for them, so hopefully, we won't have to wait too long," I explained tersely, her foul mood turning what little of my decent one remained sour.

With an exasperated scoff, her rubbed her temple lightly before leaning all her weight against the trunk of the tree across from me, a scowl fixated firmly in place. At least now would be an acceptable time to ignore one another, silence being preferable during a hunt anyways.

However, after only a few moments of tense quiet, I found myself opening my mouth to speak again, truly curious what it was that had upset Valkihar to such a degree.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong with you today or are you just gonna continue to sulk like a child?" Although I knew that there was a multitude of different, more polite, ways to ask that question, I wasn't in the least surprised to see Valkihar dart eyes like daggers in my direction seeing that I no longer had the patience or tact to play nice with her right now.

"With all due respect sir, I'm a big girl who can handle her own problems. I don't need you coddling me." She grumbled, a slight tone of sarcastic mocking slithering in her voice. "I'm just... " She trailed off with a heavy sigh as she hung her head low. "...trying to compartmentalize."

"About what?" I pressed, not missing the uncomfortable look in her eyes and tense pull at her muscles.

She seemed to debate with herself for a moment before reluctantly giving an answer, "Caven." She stated. A fresh flicker of anger washed over her features before she took another deep breath, the renewed flame seeming to dim slightly as she exhaled, showing that she was actively trying to reign in her emotions.

"What about her?"

"She has officially made it onto my shit-list as of today." She muttered, her hands forming fists into her jacket sleeves through crossed arms.

"Details, brat." I snapped, her brows furrowing harshly together in response.

"She approached me, asked to talk privately." She stated through a strained and reluctant tone. "Then proceeded to shit talk my squad- I mean,  _her_  squad. Needless to say, I'm still pretty pissed about it."

"I see," I muttered, not entirely satisfied with the answer I was given but I took it for what it was; an answer, nothing more, nothing less.

It was a step in the right direction, wasn't it? At least she was willing to open up every so often. But then again, it didn't mean much when I basically had to push her into giving me anything in response.

"... relatively unimpressive people, she said; ones who's existence won't be remembered by the time this war finally comes to a close..." She continued to mutter, her voice softer in comparison to earlier, almost sounding hurt in its tone. "Being called Titan Fodder is one thing. We've all heard that at one point or another, but... to say that shit about them, to my face... to act as if their worthless... They're still decent people if nothing else. Their lives have worth just by being here, right?"

It was a question with an obvious answer; of course, they did and that was without exception. Life was fragile but worth every minute of struggle and strife. Easy snuffed out but resilient.

Caven was wrong. Even the no-face soldiers were still worth remembering even if this accursed war were to ever end because it would be because of the bravery and sacrifice of those who fought and died along the way. None of their sacrifices would be in vain when the last Titan falls; when humanity would be finally free again.

Even if I had to single-handedly carry all their faces and hopes with me in my memories long after they've been gone, so be it. Their sacrifices would be worth remembering.

Lost in my train of thought, I heard Valkihar speak up again, an unsure expression on her face as she carefully spoke; realizing that I had not yet given her an answer. "Or am I wrong, Heichou?"

There she went again, asking for a confirmation of her feelings and beliefs. Acting as if she truly didn't know what to think anymore, which for all intents and purposes, I couldn't blame her if she really didn't know.

Hell, I didn't really know much of anything and I had seen my fair share of what life had to offer.

Up until that first day, it seemed as if she didn't care about much except about living to see the next day, let alone anyone's opinion on how she should live her life. She was straight and to the point, unwavering, and stubborn. Don't get me wrong, she was still stubborn, irritatingly so at times, and hotheaded to boot, but it was still a new side of her to see.

Maybe I was just being dense before, only wanting to see the perfect soldier that she attempted to play and not the person beneath the exterior. But with each day, her facade seemed to crumble a little further, showing some part of herself that she had hidden away for some reason only known to herself.

I had since abandoned the idea that my bias of her from before rang true anymore because the person I saw before then, and the one I saw now, seemed like two completely different individuals.

Part of me wished that my viewpoint of her hadn't changed and that she had managed to keep her mask in place to save us all the added trouble, but the idea pained me just to think about now. Growth wasn't always easy, and most times, it could be uncomfortable if not downright painful.

But now that she was beginning to slowly open up day by day, I wished that I didn't have to see that almost fearful look on her face when she asked me that. Despite being born into this cruel and unforgiving world, there was still a small flicker of fragile hope in her eyes, hope that maybe somewhere, all of this loss and pain might be worth something in the end.

With a soft shake of my head, I replied, "No, you aren't wrong... Not at all."

Her shoulders seemed to relax a little with my response, her eyes falling low again in a thoughtful expression. Her anger had settled for now, but somewhere deep in those eyes of hers, I still saw a tiny flicker of it; reserved but still very much alive.

It might have been a trick of the light, but I could have sworn that I had seen the faintest hint of a smile gracing her lips. A sad and remorseful smile, but a smile nonetheless; one that tugged sharply at my chest and made it ache in response as she softly said, "I'm glad."

* * *

All conversation ceased after that point, the both of us choosing to refocus on the task at hand: to wait for our prey to come stalking by and move in for the kill.

Another hour passed by before we saw any hint of movement on the ground beneath us, a couple rabbits hopping along before diving underneath some low brush. Another fox came into view and I heard the soft clink of Valkihar's gear shift as her muscles tensed, fingers curled around the grip of her sword as if she was about to unsheath it.

Reaching out to stop her, her eyes darted up to mine with a surprised expression on her face as she mouthed out 'Why not?'

'Just wait.' I mouthed back with a soft shaking of my head. Only when I felt her hand relax under mine did I think to pull back, watching as she crossed her arms impatiently out of the corner of my eye while trying to keep my focus on the ground floor beneath us.

A few more moments passed before a large boar finally passed into my field of vision. It would have to do, seeing as there was no deer to be seen until now.

I didn't have to grab Valkihar's attention to point out our chosen target, her eyes were already trained on the beast below, bright and excited. Motioning for her to start her approach, if her eyes could glow any brighter than before, they would have been absolutely blinding at that moment, a barely restrained grin in place as she slowly and silently maneuvered over to the boar's position through the trees and unsheathed her blades.

With its nose buried into the bushes as it sniffed for something, she glanced over to me for the signal, which I happily gave upon seeing that enthusiastic gleam in Valkihar's eyes again. Something I hadn't seen in weeks, since before I even gave a conscious thought about actually bringing her into our loop.

In a flash of green and steel, there was a loud and obnoxious squeal that came from the boar as it started to flee, Valkihar having missed her target as it suddenly jerked it's head upwards right before she fell into the jump.

"Fuck!" She cursed into a rolling fall, snapping her blades in half from the impact and a scorching fire in her eyes that could melt steel. "Heichou!"

Seeing no initial blood and subtly be damned, I dashed forward after the creature, the hiss of gas following behind me as I chased after it. The boar soon darted left and around the base of a tree, forcing me to correct my line of flight to keep it in sight.

The thing moved a lot faster than I initially would have expected but we were faster, the sharp broken edge of a blade digging deep into its flesh from above causing it to let out a broken squeal of pain before it stumbled headfirst into a tree. My eyes darted upwards where Valkihar swung triumphantly after throwing her blade home into the boar's side.

Skidding to a halt and sheathing my blades, I approached the wheezing but still alive boar, realizing that the only reason that it came down so quickly was that it was still relatively young; the equivalent of a child.

I muttered a quick 'sorry' before extracting the blade from its flesh, only to drive it back into its heart, grateful that finally, this dreaded hunting trip could finally come to an end.

"Was that just a lucky throw or did you actually aim that thing?" I questioned, recalling that if she had missed, I could have barreled right into the broken steel edges.

The triumphant look on Valkihar's face only faded minutely as she approached, "I aimed... -ish." She muttered defensively.

"Tch, whatever. Help me lug this thing back towards the water before you start calling the horses."

* * *

**CELICA'S POV:**

With a cornucopia of sore muscles and worn nerves, the captain and I had managed to make it back to camp just as the sun set beyond the horizon, the other members of our squad quietly huddled around a fire in the center of our circle of tents before curious heads each turned towards us with a strange mixture of looks on their faces; each ranging from relief to mild shock, to perplexed, to blatant physical hunger.

"You're finally back." Petra greeted with a relieved smile before taking in the full sight before her, her smile turning strained suddenly as she looked at us. "Um... rough hunt?"

Beside me, the captain threw a dagger-like glare in her direction before his eyes shifted over towards me, contempt and unbridled anger still glowing brightly in his eyes as he tossed the dead boar to the ground.

"You have no clue." He growled low in his throat, immediately turning towards his tent, small rivulets of water following behind him with each step as they dripped off his clothes. "I'm turning in for the night."

With a swift flap of canvas and a harsh zip, he disappeared into the tent, wry glances turning towards me for some sort of explanation.

"So... you wanna tell us why the two of you are waltzing back into camp completely soaking wet?" Eld questioned cautiously while Auruo and Gunter started dragging the boar away to start cleaning and skinning it so that they could start cooking.

"That's... um, it's... ugh." I groaned in mild embarrassment, rubbing the back of my neck to distract myself from the unyielding looks of curiosity the others were giving me with one hand and tugging the front of my jacket closed with the other. "I  _may_  have... somewhat _accidentally,_ um, pushed the captain into the waterhole."

Collective sighs and groans were heard around the fire, making me wish that I could crawl under a rock and hide for a while.

"What in the hell...?" Eld muttered into his fist. A "wait, seriously?" and "You're kidding me" was heard from Auruo and Gunter, while Petra just shook her head softly with a smirk on her face.

"Am I really the only one not surprised by this?" Petra wondered aloud, her smirk only growing in its place on her lips.

"Seriously though, Celica? What the hell?" Eld asked with exasperation firm in his tone.

I shrugged, feeling the damp and cool tugging on my skin as my clothes shifted uncomfortably with my shoulders, sending a slight shiver of cold down my spine. "It just... it happened."

I didn't really have a good excuse or explanation as to why it even happened in the first place and I refused to really dwell on it until dinner was finished and everyone returned to their tents, darkness covering the landscape with the small flicker of the fire outside as our only light source as it filtered faintly through the canvas tent.

Reclined back and staring up at the top seam of my tent, alone with my thoughts at last, only then did I let it wander back to earlier, the memory causing a burst of warmth to bloom across my cheeks in the dark.

* * *

_Having climbed up to the top of the canopy to spot our horses, I_ _could barely make out their figures as they grazed along the edge of the grove. With a couple high pitched_ _whistles, their heads finally turned toward me before galloping in our direction, relief flooding my veins at the thought of not having to carry such a heavy carcass such a far way back._

_I looked back down to where the captain still knelt in the water, shin-deep and hunched over as he scrubbed at his hands in attempts to rid himself of the boar's blood that had seeped on to his skin as we carried it. Even after climbing down manually from the tree, he had not moved from his spot, still furiously scrubbing away._

_I looked to my own hands and upon seeing the dirt and blood caked onto my skin as well, waded in next to him to rinse it off. The grime came off swiftly, the water now tinged a muted brown from the filth as I shook the excess water off my hands. However yet, still, the captain was still wringing his now clean hands in the cold water._

_The onyx strands of hair that fell into his face helped obscure his eyes but his shoulders were tense and rigid, a pang of worry hitting me square in the chest as I watched him._

_"Levi Heichou?" He ignored me as if I hadn't have said a word, briefly inspecting his clean hands before continuing to scrub at them beneath the water's surface._

_"Sir?" I tried again, a little louder this time so that perhaps he would hear me. I searched for his eyes again beneath the curtain of inky strands, finding a glossy look cast over them, distant and unfocused._

_"Disgusting... absolutely disgusting." He muttered beneath his breath, his brows furrowing tightly before his eyes disappeared from view again. It was as if he was in his own little world for the moment and his words only exacerbated the worry that was building in my chest._

_Against my better judgment, I reached out to him, gripping his hands my own, "Heichou, stop. Your hands are clean."_

_In the very moment that I touched him, he jerked hard trying to pull away, my grip on him securing tightly as he pulled us both off balance and to the side, and thusly, landing hard into the water. In a flurry of movement, a tangle of limbs, and mouthfuls of water, we both briefly struggled to get our heads back above the surface, a slew of coughs echoing in the air as we retook our stolen breath._

_"What the fuck, Valkihar?!" The captain raged, suddenly pulled from whatever state he was in previously. Despite the harsh glare he shot at me, I was almost grateful to see that expression on his face again, deciding that I would prefer it over the lost and dazed look he wore just seconds ago._

_A look of irritation replaced his outright glare as he stood from the water. "Just fucking great." He groused, understandably upset._

_He was starting to act like himself again, thank the walls. But now we would have to ride back soaking wet and I won't lie when I say that the idea didn't sit very well with me either. The amount of chaffing even for a two-mile ride would be fairly uncomfortable._

_Traipsing back to the shoreline, he shrugged out of his jacket to start wringing some of the water out of it, muttering a litany of curses beneath his breath. Pulling myself from the water as well and brushing the hair out of my face, I found my eyes immediately trail back onto the captain; desperately wishing that I could have pulled my eyes away from him after the fact._

_Soaked to the bone, his clothes stuck to him like a second skin, highlighting every dip and curve of muscle that the material would usually hide; with broad shoulders and muscular back, strong arms that proudly displayed their strength as he wrung out the material in front of him._

_This guy was a lot more built that I gave him credit for, especially for his stature; and when he turned back to glare at me again, I could have sworn that I saw a faint dusting of blush across his cheeks instead._

_My eyes trailed from the wet inky strands of hair that framed his face back down to his shoulders, where the rivulets of water dripped down onto his shirt. The white, wet fabric showed a clear-cut outline of his collarbones and chest, the excess bunches of material pooling low at his waist, clinging close to his skin and showing off an impressive set of abs._

_The sound of him clearing his throat brought my eyes back up to his before they could trail any lower, my skin flushing warm from realizing that I was openly staring now._

_"I hope you have a better reason for drenching us other than to justify gawking at me like that."_

_If I didn't know any better, I would have said that he was teasing me, catching a lighter flair of his voice and the ghost of a smirk on his face. But the overall sound of his tone remained dark, making me think that he was still pissed at me, so I buried the foreign thought for now._

_"You... um... kinda, zoned out, sir." It was hard putting the words together to say aloud, especially since my mind was already focused on... other things._

_Of course, to the logical part of me, it was obvious to me what had just transpired. Well, more or less. But having to say it outright seemed daunting, almost impossible as my skin flushed warm with his eyes roaming over me as well._

_The whole situation seemed to pull a complete one-eighty, new and exciting, but frankly, also sort of concerning; if nothing else but for the strange warmth that flowed through my veins and the curious look in the captain's eyes before he finally pulled them away._

* * *

We didn't really exchange many words after that. I couldn't say for certain what the captain's reasons were for remaining silent after that, with too many possible ideas running through my head for me to just simply pick one; but for me, I was too preoccupied with the embarrassment of the images that were now permanently seared into my memory.

Pale skin, firey gunmetal eyes, and a strong body all coupled into one man; one captain,  _my_  captain now. And with a line that should never be crossed even on the best of circumstances.

Ignoring the growing flame flickering deep in my gut, I turned over and curled up tightly beneath the covers, willing myself to sleep until morning. Sadly though, sleep evaded me for a while longer as my thoughts continued to ravage through my skull, and even when I finally did slip away into unconsciousness, my dreams reflected what I so desperately wanted to bury away; the memory of hungry and blazing eyes roaming over my skin and the imaginings of a touch that never came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it. I had to add some type of relief in the story because, honestly, the whole hunting scenario drained me trying to make it decent at the very least. Yeah, I know it wasn't necessary to travel through the tree to get to where they needed to go, but let me/Levi be petty just this once.
> 
> Anyways, CIAO FOR NOW!

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is extremely appreciated! (Kudos, please?)


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